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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed with looking very young.

245 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 31/12/2021 18:11

First World problem I know but I'm nearly 30 with kids but look 17 no matter what I do, hair makeup etc.

Went for covid booster a few days ago and they asked my DOB then went "How old are you can I ask?" so I assume they were checking I was 18 plus despite the obvious 1900s birth date.

Anyways I feel like I'll never be taken seriously by other adults and I'm spoken down to a lot.

Anyone else relate?
Happy new year BTW x

OP posts:
PGSTesting123 · 31/12/2021 20:29

20:25Butchyrestingface

PGSTesting123

Anyone that I've ever met that thinks they look young for their age, they never do.

How many people is that then?

Unless you have asked every person you've ever met how old they are and whether they think they look young for their age, you must be dealing with a very small sample.

Read what I wrote!
I haven't asked anyone something so pathetic.
I said whenever I have met people that say this about themselves they never do.
Doesn't matter what the sample size is.
It's every woman that's ever vocalised this about themselves.

bellalou1234 · 31/12/2021 20:30

I'm 41 my dd is 22..when I tell people they're like noo I thought you were 30.. i always feel awkward to hell..and if I get asked for Id and they see 1980 they laugh its weird.. sometimes I feel i dress like a teenager or something

Maireas · 31/12/2021 20:31

@Idontbelieveit14

I’m 34 and have a 15 year old DD and a 13 year old DS. When I had my 4 year old at baby groups everyone assumed he was my first when I said how old my other children were everyone was aghast. I recently started a new job and all my new colleagues couldn’t believe I had two teenagers, I don’t look old enough etc etc. i actually don’t mind it now but it used to drive me mad when I was younger. When my eldest was a baby I went on a rare shopping trip alone. I got charged for a child ticket (I was 19) and I was too embarrassed to say anything 🙈
Well to be fair, 19 is young to have a child, isn't it? (no judgement)
BiscuitLover3678 · 31/12/2021 20:31

I used to have this and I hated it so much. Are you quite slim?

Now I finally look old and I miss it!

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:33

That's a really patronising comment. I'm 56, look much younger and am still irritated by people assuming I'm much younger. The usual comment is "you must have started very young" if I mention my adult children (oldest is 23 so definitely didn't start young).

Same. I'm 43. Still getting patronised, overlooked and talked down to by people of all ages who assume I've just left college and am very new in the world of work. Or at least I was back in the pre-Covid days of face-to-face working. Grin

I don't have kids so at least am spared the shite that would have accompanied that experience.

The naysayers on this thread are a bit like what women experience when they complain of being mansplained and some apologist jumps in to to say "oh, but I'm sure he didn't mean it like that/that didn't really happen/you're imagining it...".

SituationCritical · 31/12/2021 20:33

My sister has this problem despite being nearly 40. She is tiny in both height and weight and looks decade's younger than she actually is....and it's not the blessing people imagine. She is constantly patronised and talked down to (my whole family have witnessed it happen) even though she has three older children and struggles with being taken seriously by employers who think she will be a pushover (she is anything but). I'm two years older but an average size and weight and get treated differently in a lot of situations. It's really weird!

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:34

Read what I wrote!
I haven't asked anyone something so pathetic.
I said whenever I have met people that say this about themselves they never do.
Doesn't matter what the sample size is.
It's every woman that's ever vocalised this about themselves.*

I did read what you wrote. And of course the sample size matters. We could be talking about TWO women you've met who've said that. Which isn't really representative.

JuniorMint · 31/12/2021 20:35

@PGSTesting123

20:25Butchyrestingface

PGSTesting123

Anyone that I've ever met that thinks they look young for their age, they never do.

How many people is that then?

Unless you have asked every person you've ever met how old they are and whether they think they look young for their age, you must be dealing with a very small sample.

Read what I wrote!
I haven't asked anyone something so pathetic.
I said whenever I have met people that say this about themselves they never do.
Doesn't matter what the sample size is.
It's every woman that's ever vocalised this about themselves.

I don’t actually think I look especially young personally, but I’m 36 and I get asked for ID in the supermarket pretty much every time I buy alcohol. Why would I get asked if the cashier (different cashiers every time obviously) don’t think I look under 25 (as challenge 25 is the rule)? Are they just asking me for a laugh? Does everyone get asked? My DP is 29 and he never gets asked though to be fair he has a beard Grin
WonderfulYou · 31/12/2021 20:37

Wow some jealous people on here tonight!!

I have the exact same problem OP!

It’s frustrating as I can’t buy a bottle of wine or a lottery ticket without my I.D.
But I find what’s more difficult is I’m not taken as seriously at work/at interviews.

When I started my new job I mentioned my age in the interview and during the first couple of days when I started.
A new lady started a few weeks ago and I made sure I brought it up with her too Grin

I actually had my DD quite young and she looks older than she is but I also felt really judged at the school gates and parents evenings etc as not only was I officially a young mum but I also looked younger even still.

I don’t want to look old but I don’t want to look like a teenager either.

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:40

I don’t actually think I look especially young personally, but I’m 36 and I get asked for ID in the supermarket pretty much every time I buy alcohol. Why would I get asked if the cashier (different cashiers every time obviously) don’t think I look under 25 (as challenge 25 is the rule)? Are they just asking me for a laugh? Does everyone get asked? My DP is 29 and he never gets asked though to be fair he has a beard grin

I was in Sainsbury's earlier this year when a woman next to me at the self-service got ID'd by a luckless assistant as she tried to buy alcohol. Even with the mask, I could see that she looked decades above the legal age and when she removed it, sure enough, I wouldn't have said she was a day under 55.

Assistant insisted he couldn't allow her to purchase the bottle without ID, which she didn't have.

She went spare and started ranting, "Do I LOOK under 25 to you??" (a question that could only invite very cruel responses in her case). "I want to see the manager" and so on. I left before I could see how that ended up. Grin

shinynewapple21 · 31/12/2021 20:49

You are not unreasonable for feeling like this. I also looked a lot younger than my age until my early / mid 30s. I felt no one took me seriously at work and from things they said I knew people thought I was a good few years younger than I actually was.

Sadly though at some point in your 40s or 50s life will probably catch up with you ! I wish I still had the same problem now.

Coookiee · 31/12/2021 20:51

I'm 41 and I got ID'd today buying Nurofen. I do look young for my age but not by that much! I probably look more late 20s/early 30s. I am finding that the older I get the more flattered I am at being perceived younger 😆

However, on the other hand, I have been repeatedly called a "girl" by my old boss who used it as a way to patronise me and dismiss me/my concerns (I worked with her from age 27-35). I was also insulted by an older lady after the birth of my dd (at the grand old age of 32) and told, by this woman who didn't know my age or my circumstances, that I was too young to have a baby, that I should have got a career sorted first and she supposed the state was paying to raise my illegitimate child! So I completely get where you're coming from OP and it can be annoying at times.

JaneJeffer · 31/12/2021 20:52

Don't worry it'll catch up with you eventually.

mycatistrans · 31/12/2021 20:53

Well anyone can say that. Pic or it didn't happen.

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:59

@mycatistrans

Well anyone can say that. Pic or it didn't happen.
Struggling to imagine any other topic of discussion where a OP comes on to complain about an issue they're experiencing and is causing distress (and is joined largely by other posters complaining of the same issue), where it would be considered acceptable to enter the discussion with "well anyone can say that. Pic or it didn't happen."
PGSTesting123 · 31/12/2021 21:04

20:34Butchyrestingface

It happens in every office, social setting - there is always one woman that thinks this about themselves to vocalise it.
It's quite common.
Mostly fishing for compliments.

PGSTesting123 · 31/12/2021 21:08

There was a trend on MN where women uploaded photos of themselves inviting people to guess their age.

Never looked younger than they were or were hoping they were going to be told they were.

It's the same thing.

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 31/12/2021 21:17

I'm almost 33 and look like a teenager.

I don't mind usually, but I've twice been mistaken for the assistant/trainee position, instead of the senior, because people think I'm so young that I'm just at the beginning of my career. That's annoying because I'm not always taken seriously.

Mellowyellow222 · 31/12/2021 21:18

I don’t understand why some people are trying to start of fight on this thread.

If it’s not something you have personally experienced why not just scroll on?

Why do you need to patronise people by telling them in your experience their lives experience isn’t real

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 21:19

It happens in every office, social setting - there is always one woman that thinks this about themselves to vocalise it.
It's quite common.
Mostly fishing for compliments.

How strange. I've never been in an office or social setting where women who look their age fish for compliments by declaring themselves to look YOUNG for their age. Quite the opposite is true in my experience. Rather when women (or men) fish for compliments, it tends to be by declaring the reverse, ie: dramatic sighs of "oh, I look so tired/old/haggard/fat/baggy-eyed" - and then pause and wait for someone to come back with "oh no, you look fantastic/thin, etc, etc".

I can't see how declarations of "Poor old me, I look 15 years younger than my chronological age" would be likely to attract compliments. Grin. I can imagine all manner of responses, but none of them pleasant.

There was a trend on MN where women uploaded photos of themselves inviting people to guess their age.

Never looked younger than they were or were hoping they were going to be told they were.

It's the same thing.

Can't see how it's remotely similar. Nobody on this thread is uploading pictures of themselves or inviting comments - positive or otherwise - on their physical appearance. They're discussing an issue they experience and how it affects their professional and interpersonal relationships, and sense of self esteem. And then have to deal with a bunch of naysayers jumping on the thread to say, "naw, you're making it all/imagining it/looking for compliments/pic or it didn't happen."

dumplings1 · 31/12/2021 21:22

Bit of paranoia? Everyone gets asked dob when getting their jab, to check our identity is correct. If you're not feeling confident in yourself you doubt other peoples intentions.
If you feel people are talking down to you, maybe they are trying to help or it's time to get more assertive and be more direct.

DisforDarkChocolate · 31/12/2021 21:22

I was age checked well into my thirties. I still look a good 10 to 15 years younger than my age.

Its less annoying now I'm a grandparent.

PGSTesting123 · 31/12/2021 21:24

21:19Butchyrestingface

This has clearly hit a nerve, if you look younger than your age, great!

itsacovidxmasone · 31/12/2021 21:28

Ah I remember the days of being ID'd at sainsburys self check out at 40! I do hear you OP but you will be very thankful in a few years. Enjoy your good genes!

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 21:28

This has clearly hit a nerve, if you look younger than your age, great!

Yes, it has clearly hit a nerve with you, I agree. Maybe just scroll on by the next thread that deals with people discussing issues you can't relate to?