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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's DS might be prosecuted for dangerous driving

250 replies

walnutroaster · 30/12/2021 20:41

Hi I've name changed for this as I don't want my other posts linked to this. My very close friends DS who is in his early 20's was recently involved in a car accident, he is fine and the passenger in the other car suffered minor injuries but are ok.

Friends DS caused the accident as he decided to overtake a bus which was going quite slow, when he over took the bus the other side was clear but when he was overtaking the bus a car came in the other direction and unfortunately he didn't have enough time to get around the bus and he crashed head on in to the car. Her DS is obviously at fault and I'm not trying to excuse what he did. Friends DS said this was the first time driving in nearly 5 years that he has overtaken anything over than a cyclist.

Friend insisted her DS made a genuine mistake and is the first mistake he has made driving, I know I might sound like I am excusing the DS but he is such a lovely and well behaved young man so I genuinely believe he made a one off mistake which he will never make aging. Her DS has said he will never overtake a vehicle again, I don't believe he is a threat to other road users.

Friends DS is scared he is going to get prosecuted for dangerous driving, my DH seems to think he should be charged as he could have killed someone and I need to stop having such a soft spot for him. I said to DH I don't think he deserves a driving ban as he made one genuine mistake which he won't do again but DH seems to think if the DS does not get banned it makes a mockery of the legal system.

AIBU to lenient on my friends DS?

OP posts:
LotusCheesecake · 30/12/2021 21:25

This is why we have a justice system.

No one here knows what the road conditions were like, how fast the bus was going, if there were any other circumstances that lead to the crash.

I don't think your friends DS should be let off nor do I think he should be banned / jailed

I think the police should decide whether there is a case and then if appropriate someone with all the facts available should make a decision. How all of the people on here with a view about whether he should be subject to any sort of sanction are making that decision, god knows - none of us were there!

PinkWednesdays · 30/12/2021 21:26

I’m sure a lot of drivers overtake now and then, but the key is to do it safely. If another car came along whilst he was overtaking the bus, then it sounds like the road wasn’t actually clear, so either he thought he was faster than the oncoming car, or he was on a bend. Both were careless and potentially very dangerous.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 30/12/2021 21:27

Trouble is, one genuine mistake could have killed someone. He mistakenly overtook a bus, if he was unsure if he could do it safely, he should have waited. It was a dangerous manoeuvre, he misjudged it, but it was still dangerous. I'm afraid it sounds like he does need a ban and to retake his test. It sounds like he needs additional driver training which he will get when retaking his test.

It's harsh, but dangerous driving is about being, not only a danger to yourself, but other road users. His fine is his punishment, his ban and retest is to ensure the safety of other road users.

Being a lovely young man, doesn't mean he can't kill someone by making a mistake. Cars are dangerous and as such we have laws which are there to protect ALL road users

KCee30 · 30/12/2021 21:28

I know someone who got caught on dash cam doing a dangerous over take. They didn't crash into anyone (by the skin of their teeth). They got prosecuted and 9 points on license. Was a shock when it come through the post informing them. They had no idea there when been evidence. I think dash can footage came from off duty police officer.

It depends how dangerous the act was or could have been.

sonjadog · 30/12/2021 21:28

There is no point giving extra information to try to convince us because neither us nor you will decide the sentence.

Gazelda · 30/12/2021 21:28

If your friend's DS was one of the injured passengers in the other car, would you think it reasonable that the driver who caused the accident by dangerous driving should escape any consequence?

SprayedWithDettol · 30/12/2021 21:28

FFS OP. If it is decided that there is a case to answer (and it certainly sounds like it) he will have to go through the process. It could result in a fine/points/ban and rightly so. His insurance is likely to Sky rocket too.

Allthepickles · 30/12/2021 21:28

It’s hard to know without being there, I’d imagine only those investigating the crash can decide if it was dangerous driving or not. If the bus was stationary it can be a risky judgment call as cars travelling the other way can be going faster than they should. If the bus was moving then he really shouldn’t have overtaken it.

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2021 21:31

A friend of mine who is a nurse was crashed into under similar circumstances. It took weeks for the whiplash injuries to build up. She had months of being on heavy painkillers, physio etc. 18 months later she still has pain and for a while it put her in real financial hardship. She was deemed 'ok' after the crash, points and a fine in the end for the other driver. Cars are lethal and people who take chances shouldn't be treated softly softly.
I wouldn't believe that it's the first chance that he has taken. If his condition (which usually doesn't affect driving) or his immaturity has anything to do with this, then he needs to not be driving.
I think it's best that you don't discuss it.
The truth of the matter is that no-one knows how lovely these young men are when not around.

Bellyups · 30/12/2021 21:31

I hope he is prosecuted.

Dozer · 30/12/2021 21:32

‘ he won't do [it] again’

You, your friend, your friend’s son can’t predict the future.

LynetteScavo · 30/12/2021 21:33

Being a lovely and well behaved young man and overtaking a bus, having mad a misjudgement are two different things.

I'm a grumpy old cow, but I don't think I would overtake a bus, because I can judge it probably isn't safe to do so, unless the bus is going increasingly slowly.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/12/2021 21:33

It doesn’t matter how nice he is, he drove dangerously and caused an accident.
I’m nice too! Can I drive head on into you?

My ds has dyspraxia. He has chosen not to take his driving test because it affects his spacial awareness, coordination and timing. Everyone is different, he passed his test and has a license and so is treated the same as anyone else in charge of a vehicle.

Teacupsandtoast · 30/12/2021 21:35

My SIL made a mistake many moons ago. Total honest mistake, and she's one of the nicest people you'll meet. But she ttill got convicted of DD, and still got banned which was only right in light of the accident that occurred

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 30/12/2021 21:36

He will not go to prison unless it was a deliberate act (ie joyriding) and someone got hurt. It is up to the police to determine whether he will face a charge of Dangerous Driving or Driving without Due Care. I would imagine the latter because of his previous clean licence and presumably sincere regret over what happened.

He deserves a punishment but the worst he will face is community service, which yes, is a criminal record but what he did was, at the least, reckless and hopefully as you say he will have learned from it. It must have been terrifying for all involved.

Assuming the police charge at all (which they may not), he may face a ban or a hefty number of points (more likely). He should accept this graciously and write a letter of apology to the other driver and the court.

user1471442488 · 30/12/2021 21:36

Blah blah blah excuse blah blah excuse blah blah.

He’s dangerous. He should be charged. You’re not convincing anyone differently. Give it a rest.

tttigress · 30/12/2021 21:37

Yeah but don't must mother's underplay their sons mistakes, and make out there are lots of mitigating circumstances?

I would take the way you friend describes the incident with a pinch of salt!

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 30/12/2021 21:38

It will go to court, I'd recommend your friends ds gets a solicitor who's well versed in these situations. It'll likely cost him between 3 and 5k, more if he wants to fight it.

Someone I know was charged with DD (due to overtaking a car) and their solicitor managed to get it dropped to careless driving before the court case, if he pleaded guilty. He did so, and got 6 points and a fine. Cost him 3k in solicitors fees, and that was over 5 years ago.

If your friends ds does get found guilty of dd it will be an automatic ban and a fine. Insurance will be sky high when he gets his licence back and he'll have to retake his test. That's if he's in Scotland, not sore about England

whynotwhatknot · 30/12/2021 21:38

Maybe thats why his judgment was off you say he never overtakes anything so has no idea about his accerleration and how far to judge a clear road

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/12/2021 21:39

I forgot to say, my dd had an accident soon after passing her test. She was at fault and quite rightly got points on her license.

We had funded her first car but refused to help with the replacement after she wrote it off.

I love her dearly but she was incredibly stupid and has learned from it.

tttigress · 30/12/2021 21:39

Also, what relevance does him being a nice person have? Does that have an impact on your driving?

Iamanicepersonreally · 30/12/2021 21:39

It's clearly an accident but that doesn't excuse his actions. He's in the wrong. Stop minimising it

GoatsAndBarley · 30/12/2021 21:40

Was the person he hit injured?

PoshPyjamas · 30/12/2021 21:40

Its extraordinarily bad luck that this should happen the very first time he overtakes something!

BendicksBittermints4Breakfast · 30/12/2021 21:41

I don't believe he is a threat to other road users

He clearly is though, I can't believe that anyone is defending him, it's really irrelevant that he's a nice boy, etc etc, he could have killed someone. The naivity in this post is mind-blowing.