Class difference - if you're posh

[2022bebetter]

Posh people of MN, help me!

I have married into a very posh family. Not titled posh, but public school. DH and his brothers all lovely.

Sister, MIL and SIL clearly look down on me.

I know I shouldn't care and it's their problem etc but I feel so embarrassed when I clearly get stuff 'wrong'.

SIL in particular, will never correct me but quite often say 'I could never do xx, so tacky / common' knowing full well it's something I do! Most recently I have learnt that I say garage 'wrong'.

Wherever we go, they always dress so similar and I get it 'wrong'.

Obviously the easiest tip is not to care, but any advice from posh MNetters would be so gratefully received.

To add - I know they're being snobby but they are very PLU and I feel like an outsider.

God they sound awful.

Yes you really shouldn't care, your DH loves you, they don't matter, but I can understand it upsetting you. Any outsider witnessing this kind of behaviour will judge them way before they judge you.

If I would you I would go all out Vicky Pollard just to aniot the snotty cow.

Obviously I meant 'If I was you ....:

Please don’t change who you are to fit in with these people. The standards they set for you will be impossible to live up to. They sound awful. Have some self confidence and hold your head high.

They are being bitchy and spiteful.
How much time do you have to spend with them ?

And annoy

Haven't got my reading glasses.

Tell her to fuck off, the toffee nosed bitch

How are you saying ‘garage’?

Poshest thing you can do is be confident in yourself and don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. Honestly!

SIL in particular, will never correct me but quite often say 'I could never do xx, so tacky / common' knowing full well it's something I do! Most recently I have learnt that I say garage 'wrong'.

This in itself is very unclassy. It is also tacky. They are not as classy as they think they are if they say things like this to you, to make you feel uncomfortable.

What do you want to know?

We all went to public schools as do our children and would never behave like such assholes. They lack class. Remember that.

If you have any questions I am happy to answer if I can.

Strengths: dinner etiquette
Weakness: I dress like a tramp😩

Be happy in the knowledge that by uttering the words “so common” out loud and purposefully putting you down she has revealed her true nouveau riche self. How embarrassing for her.

Well yes, I'd love to tell them to F off and not care but I do!

I just want to know what faux pas to avoid.

@Shiningpath I say 'garridge' which is common apparently.

The secret is simply this: it’s not ‘not caring’ you’ve ‘got it wrong’ it’s having the confidence to say/think that you’re doing it right. You’ll never win if you try to second guess and emulate their way of doing it. Because they can just more the goal posts of what ‘it’ is (if they feel so inclined). Have confidence in what you like, the way you do things, what you think…. Get on the front foot. And if necessary the right response when SIL says oh I could never XYZ is ‘oh really? I just find X so old fashioned/ out of touch…’

They are rude and unpleasant. Why does your DH not intervene? Does he know about this?

They are the ones who need to change their behaviour, not you.

@RingBinderInjury she's actually used the expression nouveau riche before. When we first met. Perhaps before she'd realised I was plain old no riche at all.

Carry on as you are. If they try to "correct" you, look them in the eye, smile sweetly and carry on speaking as you do.

Posh is different from 'classy'. A classy person, would never dream of making someone feel inferior by pointing out things they think are tacky. I don't know if you've read it, but think 'To Kill a Mockingbird', where Scout just about gets the tarnation whacked out of her hide, because she expressed her horror of her lunch guest putting the wrong sauce on their biscuits.

I had certain of my in-laws try the same tactics on me, which was bloody hilarious, but I was so young and insecure, I bought into it, thinking they were what they thought they were. They really really weren't.

Your man loves you. You do you. You be you.

They have no manners. Fuck 'em.

Seriously, people will see them for what they are. Just think you'd rather be an outsider than be like them.

I say 'garridge' which is common apparently.

Having a gaaaahraaaahj is a little bit common in itself, no? My man Harris parks the family autos in the coach house.

@My200lbLife dinner etiquette is my weakness!

I once used the charger plate as my main plate that didn't go down well.

Rule number 1: Classy people don't feel the need to put other people down because they know who they are.

Rule number 2: Only wannabees and hasbeens make other people feel bad about themselves.

I bet neither SIL or MIL have done anything with their lives.

Seriously op, anyone who says you should say it "ga-rarge" and that saying "garridge" is wrong or lesser or lowerclass needs to give their head a wobble.

People talk in all kinds of ways, a Yorkshire accent (or a Geordie one, or a Cumbrian one, or a Derbyshire one) doesn't make you any better or worse than the next person.

What does is how you behave, how you treat others, how inclusive and accepting you are. You are worth much more than them and please believe that.

I'm not posh but I do seem it (it's my job to have good grammar so I tend to use it in speech too, and I have a fancier accent than people in my area) and I would never think less of someone bc of what they wore or how they spoke.

If you want to be properly 'posh' don't give a flying fuck.