To find people who speak very quietly a bit annoying

[Eastie77Returns]

This might be a gripe that’s specific to me but I find it very taxing. I have a friend and colleague who speaks so quietly she is often inaudible. She’s aware of this because so many people ask her to speak up in different contexts (work, ordering in a restaurant, in shops, social events).

There have now been multiple occasions when I’ve given up on a conversation with her because she is speaking in such hushed tones I can’t follow what she is talking about. This has been when walking on a street or in a cafe so normal settings where there is no need to lower your voice. I can’t be bothered to keep asking her to repeat or crane my neck to try and catch her words. Awkwardly she sometimes starts laughing so she’s obviously (quietly) told a joke and I’ve missed. She also whispers whenever she talks about her husband.

Can I ask, if you speak quietly and are frequently told to speak up is there a reason you can’t/won’t? I’m genuinely curious because my friend is able to speak in a ‘normal’ tone at times and is a confident person (so this is not to do with shyness) and she doesn’t have a hearing problem/sensitivity she so I don’t get it.

I'm the opposite, can't stand loud people 🤣

Yep, drives me up the fucking wall. I'm not a loud person, so it's not being done in response to me overshadowing them etc.

My brother used to do it when we were kids and I usually spoke for him - it was because of our overbearing father who would do the "SPEAK UP BOY" and scare him even more. DB outgrew it when he left home thank god.

Yes I hate quiet mumbling! My DH does it on the phone sometimes and I think ‘there’s no way that the other person will hear any of that’- it’s very aggravating, all I can think is that it’s a confidence issue xo

I avoid a certain check out lady because she likes to chat, but really quietly. Add a mask and a screen, i have no idea what shes on about.

I have at times had people comment on me being too loud, when I thought I was being "normal" so I compensate by being quieter and then get told I am too quiet. I think it can be very hard to judge your own voice at times.

I think I'm a quiet speaker. In loud environments I'm often asked to repeat myself, I feel like I'm not heard when in a group of people. I do try though.. I honestly think it's just the voice I was given or I have a bad voice technique or something.

I agree with pp though that I hate loud speakers much much more.

I have quite bad tinnitus and really struggle to hear people when they're very quiet. I find it extremely frustrating, partly at my own limitations and partly because they never seem willing to make any effort to make themselves easier to be heard, even when I let them know that my hearing isn't very good.

I'm the opposite, can't stand loud people🤣

Same. They do my nut in.

I'm not as quiet as your friend but I am quiet. I think it's because I'm noise sensitive. I like a quiet environment, quiet home etc so I never have the need to be loud, I'm used to talking at a normal level. Well, normal for me!

Me too. In my experience quiet people also tend to act pained all the time, like life is all too much for them, and are always serious.

I hate quiet mumblers.
I just give up talking to them
As most people would

People dont have to be loud and extroverted. But boy people. Make sure you speak louder than a mouse for gods sake

The Whisperers. Or worse, The Murmurers. Horrible. Psychotherapists are the worst.

Do you need your hearing tested to check all ok?

I've met a few people who I simply can't hear, especially if they have mumbly lips that you can't read either. It reaches the point where it's really not worth asking 5 times what they said every single time they talk before having to concede defeat.
It's draining.

My daughter is SO quiet sometimes that it's very difficult to hear her, especially when we're in a public place and she has a mask on - I have to lean down and put my ear right in front of her mouth.

However her reluctance to speak up comes from her stammer and previous vocal tics, and she physically shrinks into herself when told to speak up, so I try to be gentle with her.

I can see that it's annoying with adults but it might come from a difficult place, I guess we don't always know.

I'm always told I'm "softly spoken" 🙄 I think that's polite for quiet 😂 occasionally I have to repeat myself, but not more than my (louder!) husband.

I'm the same with overly loud cackly people, I can't stand them 😂 however I just think these thoughts in my head, and just interact with whoever I come into contact with, not everyone is the same volume or pitch, not worth being overly upset about.

@lovelyweathertoday

Yes that's very true!

Over the years I've gone from being "the quiet one" back over to being told to be more quiet, back round to being quiet again

@WeaninWoes

I'm the opposite, can't stand loud people🤣

Same. They do my nut in.

I'm not as quiet as your friend but I am quiet. I think it's because I'm noise sensitive. I like a quiet environment, quiet home etc so I never have the need to be loud, I'm used to talking at a normal level. Well, normal for me!

Lol. There are a few at work, proper gobshites who absolutely love the sound of their own voice. I sit there thinking oh man just shut the FUCK up!!! 🤣

"Can I ask, if you speak quietly and are frequently told to speak up is there a reason you can’t/won’t?"

For me, it's because of Young Onset Parkinson's Disease. I was unaware my voice had become quieter but had noticed I couldn't project easily when calling/ singing.

This is not to do with your friend. But as an answer to your question.

I've been told to speak up my whole life. I don't deliberately speak quietly its just my natural way of talking. I make an effort to speak loud to older people who I know are going deaf but it feels quite an effort.

I'm loud. I try to be quiet but can't maintain it. I'm just loud.

For me, I don't like quiet people as they make me feel like Brian Blessed

OP I worked with someone lime this and it was bloody annoying. I was always straining to hear her. She could speak perfectly normally over the phone.

I often wonder whether some people do this on purpose because it forces people to pay attention to them.

@Exhausteddog

I've been told to speak up my whole life. I don't deliberately speak quietly its just my natural way of talking. I make an effort to speak loud to older people who I know are going deaf but it feels quite an effort.

I'm the same but opposite. It's not easy going against your natural way of being. I

To the posters saying that they’re just not a loud person - it’s not being loud, it’s just about speaking at an audible level. The sound level required differs depending if I’m sitting right beside you in a quiet room versus trying to have a conversation next to a busy road.

I also have a colleague like this. It’s very annoying and she knows people can’t her her because they’re constantly telling her that, yet she will not increase her volume in any bloody circumstances. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s some kind of control thing in that it forces people to focus so completely on her. I mean they still can’t fucking hear her 9 times out of 10 but…

I am quiet. It is not deliberate. My whole family speak softly. We don't have a problem with each other so I guess we just listen harder? I am pretty sensitive to noises.

If I try and speak up it does feel like I'm shouting and takes real effort