Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find people who speak very quietly a bit annoying

172 replies

Eastie77Returns · 28/12/2021 13:41

This might be a gripe that’s specific to me but I find it very taxing. I have a friend and colleague who speaks so quietly she is often inaudible. She’s aware of this because so many people ask her to speak up in different contexts (work, ordering in a restaurant, in shops, social events).

There have now been multiple occasions when I’ve given up on a conversation with her because she is speaking in such hushed tones I can’t follow what she is talking about. This has been when walking on a street or in a cafe so normal settings where there is no need to lower your voice. I can’t be bothered to keep asking her to repeat or crane my neck to try and catch her words. Awkwardly she sometimes starts laughing so she’s obviously (quietly) told a joke and I’ve missed. She also whispers whenever she talks about her husband. Confused

Can I ask, if you speak quietly and are frequently told to speak up is there a reason you can’t/won’t? I’m genuinely curious because my friend is able to speak in a ‘normal’ tone at times and is a confident person (so this is not to do with shyness) and she doesn’t have a hearing problem/sensitivity she so I don’t get it.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2021 14:02

I'm a quiet person, I speak how I speak. If people ask me to speak up I can do momentarily, but I feel like I'm being really loud and can't maintain it.

People who are a bit deaf are often too quiet.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 14:03

@VanGoghsDog

I'm a quiet person, I speak how I speak. If people ask me to speak up I can do momentarily, but I feel like I'm being really loud and can't maintain it.

People who are a bit deaf are often too quiet.

Same here.
Ironingtsunami · 28/12/2021 14:03

Like @Sylvesterthecat I'm a naturally quiet speaker. I think I'm speaking in a normal way until someone tells me to speak up or people speak over me. Im not very good at projecting my voice and if I try to I usually end up with a hoarse voice the day after. It may not be deliberate!

BrocolliHamster · 28/12/2021 14:03

My boss does this, like a half whisper type thing. I've told her time and time again that if she does it on my left hand side I can't hear her at all, as I'm slightly deaf in my left ear, yet she still does it. It's drives my insane! I genuinely think she's just being passive agressive or inconsiderate now every time she starts mumbling to the left of me!

Exhausteddog · 28/12/2021 14:05

My DH grew up in a family of 4 and is noticeably a lot louder with his family. We speak more quietly at home.

Trinacham · 28/12/2021 14:06

I often get 'you need to be louder' but truth is, I try but I just don't have a very loud voice. My mum has a soft voice as well - it is not something people can help! Unless they are purposefully whispering obviously. Hurts my throat sometimes when I'm trying to be heard!

SequinnedShawl · 28/12/2021 14:06

I worked with someone whose voice tailed off at the end of each sentence so you could see her mouth moving but no words coming out!

It was a good thing I can lipread as I was the only person to understand what she had said!

Even on the phone it'd be "good afternoon "Julie" speaking how Yes, I'm still no we close at You will need to get "

It was frustrating enough for us let alone the poor caller! Confused

SilverHairedCat · 28/12/2021 14:06

The thing is, there's a huge difference between speaking loudly and projecting your voice. They aren't the same thing at all. People who speak quietly often haven't bothered to learn how to project or how to annunciate (sp) clearly.

DH is a mumbler but is quite a loud person. He's as hard to hear as a whisper at times because the words roll together.

If you're someone who is being constantly asked to speak up, have a look at projection techniques - it's very helpful.

TulipsGarden · 28/12/2021 14:06

I speak quietly and am aware of it. If I'm in a loud environment I know I need to speak up, but if I were chatting with a friend I wouldn't be able to sustain it for long.

When I try to speak more loudly it sounds like I'm shouting in my head, it's hard work and very wearing.

I find people with very loud voices difficult to be around. I guess I'm sensitive to noise?

WeaninWoes · 28/12/2021 14:06

People who are a bit deaf are often too quiet.

Disagree. My husband is loud because he's bloody slightly deaf 🙄

Exhausteddog · 28/12/2021 14:07

That should say 4 children plus his mum and dad. My friend grew up with 7 siblings and she's one of the loudest people I know.

NarcissaMalfoysManicure · 28/12/2021 14:08

I actually find it very rude. Not everyone can speak loudly, we know that and we’re not asking you to shout - but if you are constantly being asked to repeat yourself, speak louder etc. it’s time to have some self-awareness of how you’re affecting others. It gets embarrassing having to ask “sorry could you say that again?” after every sentence.

I had an eyebrow threading lady who I couldn’t hear at all, every time I had to ask her to repeat. Once she told me she was finished, except I didn’t hear her. I was sat there with my eyes closed, holding by eyebrow, for ten seconds before I wondered what was going on - opened my eyes to see her watching me.

Friday Night Dinner had Quiet Sue who instantly gave me the rage Grin

VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2021 14:09

@NarcissaMalfoysManicure

I actually find it very rude. Not everyone can speak loudly, we know that and we’re not asking you to shout - but if you are constantly being asked to repeat yourself, speak louder etc. it’s time to have some self-awareness of how you’re affecting others. It gets embarrassing having to ask “sorry could you say that again?” after every sentence.

I had an eyebrow threading lady who I couldn’t hear at all, every time I had to ask her to repeat. Once she told me she was finished, except I didn’t hear her. I was sat there with my eyes closed, holding by eyebrow, for ten seconds before I wondered what was going on - opened my eyes to see her watching me.

Friday Night Dinner had Quiet Sue who instantly gave me the rage Grin

Why can't you just listen more attentively?
Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 28/12/2021 14:10

Oh I do dislike loud people, given the choice I’d rather converse with a mumbler! It’s just hard constantly asking her repeat herself.

I do have a friend who is a trained actress and tends to PROJECT when she talks and loves to hold the attention of any room she walks into but she is also very funny.

I’m also a quiet person generally but when at work I take great care to speak audibly because I manage a team with several non native English speakers and it’s hard enough for them to follow along on Teams calls never mind having to deal with me mumbling. My friend is in the same team (she is English) and it’s not unusual for our colleagues to speak over her as they don’t even realise she is talking. A couple have told me they only email her as it’s all too much effort.

OP posts:
WayshrineNotFound · 28/12/2021 14:11

I'm quiet, but I will also be very relieved if the loud person in my presence gives up and stops bellowing at me, so no harm done, OP!

As to why, it's probably a mixture of social anxiety and massive childhood trauma. I used to get selective mutism in stressful situations, and "speaking up" is just not really something I'm interested in doing even now.

NarcissaMalfoysManicure · 28/12/2021 14:12

@VanGoghsDog don’t be an arse all your life, eh?

WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 28/12/2021 14:12

Why can't you just listen more attentively?

Seriously? We can listen as attentively as possible and still not catch what someone is saying if they are speaking too quietly to be heard!

Lifeisnteasy · 28/12/2021 14:13

@VanGoghsDog background noise? It’s easier to speak up than for someone else to develop hearing superpowers…

bizboz · 28/12/2021 14:14

Both I and my children are softly spoken. It's just our natural voices. I'm a teacher though so can project my voice when needed, but I don't like it when people converse in very loud voices.

NarcissaMalfoysManicure · 28/12/2021 14:14

Dog by name dog by nature, it seems. Total disregard for people with hearing difficulties.

VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2021 14:14

@WeaninWoes

People who are a bit deaf are often too quiet.

Disagree. My husband is loud because he's bloody slightly deaf 🙄

You can disagree as much as you like, but it's true.

Speaking more loudly when you're losing your hearing is also an issue. But I posted what I posted because the thread is about quiet speakers.

Anyway: www.ziphearing.com/blog/talking-loudly-quietly-hearing-test/

toastfiend · 28/12/2021 14:15

@VanGoghsDog it's not always about listening. As mentioned, I have tinnitus, I listen hard when people speak, but if they mumble/whisper/don't project their voices I find it extremely hard to distinguish what they're saying over the ringing sound in my ears.

NarcissaMalfoysManicure · 28/12/2021 14:17

VGD is clearly a mumbler whom everyone ignores/ gets bored of very quickly Grin

VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2021 14:17

[quote NarcissaMalfoysManicure]@VanGoghsDog don’t be an arse all your life, eh?[/quote]
The people asking quiet people to speak up (not at the time, thats fine, but on this thread telling people they should always speak more loudly) are arses, frankly.

It's just not possible to constantly speak at a level you're uncomfortable with. And it's difficult to understand why people don't realise that. Try it yourself?

VanGoghsDog · 28/12/2021 14:18

[quote Lifeisnteasy]@VanGoghsDog background noise? It’s easier to speak up than for someone else to develop hearing superpowers…[/quote]
Yes, for a short time, when there is background course, of course. But that wasn't the premise in the post I was replying to, was it?