To find people who speak very quietly a bit annoying

[Eastie77Returns]

This might be a gripe that’s specific to me but I find it very taxing. I have a friend and colleague who speaks so quietly she is often inaudible. She’s aware of this because so many people ask her to speak up in different contexts (work, ordering in a restaurant, in shops, social events).

There have now been multiple occasions when I’ve given up on a conversation with her because she is speaking in such hushed tones I can’t follow what she is talking about. This has been when walking on a street or in a cafe so normal settings where there is no need to lower your voice. I can’t be bothered to keep asking her to repeat or crane my neck to try and catch her words. Awkwardly she sometimes starts laughing so she’s obviously (quietly) told a joke and I’ve missed. She also whispers whenever she talks about her husband.

Can I ask, if you speak quietly and are frequently told to speak up is there a reason you can’t/won’t? I’m genuinely curious because my friend is able to speak in a ‘normal’ tone at times and is a confident person (so this is not to do with shyness) and she doesn’t have a hearing problem/sensitivity she so I don’t get it.

More annoying are those who refuse to get their hearing checked. I say this as a loud person. I have colleague who we all have to constantly repeat ourselves to. They say we're all quiet and refuses to get checked. I literally shouted in her face last week because she couldn't hear me and she just said, 'ah, that's better'

If people constantly ask you to speak up and constantly complain they can't hear you, then the common denominator is you. If that many people are missing your message, it's your responsibility to communicate it better. I've spent a lot of my life being blamed for other people's bad communication and I'm not taking it any more.

[quote TractorAndHeadphones]@VanGoghsDog but it is a problem if NOBODY can hear you, and you're constantly being asked to repeat yourself. It is a problem.

What do you suggest people do then? Please provide solutions[/quote]
More whataboutery.

I never said people were "constantly" asking me to repeat myself. I said I'm a quiet person.

I spent the whole day with a friend yesterday and I don't think he once asked me to repeat myself. He just listened when I was talking to him.

And I turned down background noise, like the music, when I was speaking.

@WildMaryBerriesWithBrandyCream

One technique that has had good effects is to reply in a similarly low volume- deliberately- so that she strains to hear you. (The natural response to someone speaking too quietly is to raise your own voice 😁)

@WildMaryBerriesWithBrandyCream I am so going to have to try this! Give people a taste of their own medicine and show them how it feels.

I don't get why some people on this thread seem to think it's either whispering or bellowing - with no possible volume in between. I can't stand bellowers, but I do like to be able to hear people when they're talking. You feel terrible when you realise you've spoken over somebody, but they were so quiet, you couldn't have known they were speaking.

Talking of bellowers, they were talking about people with very loud voices on Jeremy Vine's radio show a few weeks ago, and Jeremy had Brian Blessed on as a guest. Brian spoke (at a perfectly normal speaking volume) about how he could speak very loudly when the part or situation dictated it, but it was by no means his default volume.

I've heard him sing too, and he has an amazing singing voice - but that doesn't mean he only ever sings at people instead of talking to them in everyday life.

You don't have to stray way out of your comfort zone, but it's a normal part of human communication to adapt to suit your company. You change your voice and intonation when you speak to a baby/small child, speak deliberately more clearly and slowly when talking to somebody with only a basic knowledge of your language; even if you're talking to somebody from the same country, but a distant region, and they don't understand your very strong accent or dialect.

Volume is just another adaptation that you sometimes need to make - but if you don't care about people being able to hear or understand you (or even realise that you are talking) when you're trying to communicate with them, crack on. Just don't get angry with them when your attempted communication fails.

I used to have a colleague like this - it was just attention seeking behaviour in his case.

I just ignored him if he wasn't speaking at a normal audible level.

Yes, yes, yes.

I'm slightly deaf - age related hearing loss - and wear hearing aids so anyone speaking quietly makes trying to catch what they're saying really hard work for me.

My dentist has the quietest voice I think I've ever come across, she also has quite a strong accent, add the mask and visor to the mix and it's virtually impossible for me to hear her, very difficult when you're trying to discuss matters relating to dental health.

I'm always asking people to speak up as I'm deaf and then they often start speaking very slowly, but in the same volume, which really annoys me; I'm deaf, not stupid.

It’s usually a self confidence thing I was like that when younger would speak quietly not give eye contact and people would say speak up I can’t hear you which I’d find embarrassing. Now I’m very loud to the point I’m told occasionally your too loud but I’m much more confident and I guess I like being heard and I’d hate anyone to say I can’t hear you .
My dd is a very quiet speaker too and looks down when she speaks but is shy like I was . Perhaps in 20 years she’ll be louder like me .

One technique that has had good effects is to reply in a similarly low volume- deliberately- so that she strains to hear you.

Is that like suddenly having 'forgotten' your purse too when a serial CF purse 'forgetter' springs their usual trick at the end of a meal?

I have had my hearing checked. I know it is not as good as it was when I was younger, but it still registers as perfectly fine in hearing tests.
If you cant project your voice, maybe consider some speech lessons?

I know someone who has a little whispery voice. I can't hear half of what she says and it is a real strain to figure out what she is trying to say. I admit I don't bother a lot of the time now.

One of my nephews is a naturally quiet speaker, it's just the way he talks! His teachers keep telling my sister about it, but I'm not sure what she's meant to do about it - his dad is a quiet speaker as well.

@Longingforatikihut

More annoying are those who refuse to get their hearing checked. I say this as a loud person. I have colleague who we all have to constantly repeat ourselves to. They say we're all quiet and refuses to get checked. I literally shouted in her face last week because she couldn't hear me and she just said, 'ah, that's better'

She should get her hearing checked. But hearing aids don't correct all hearing losses. They are not a magic solution for everyone.

@mrstea301 if it is not a confidence thing, then he needs to learn how to project his voice. Acting and singing classes teach this.

I'm a quiet speaker. It's not about control or wanting to be the centre of attention, it's just how I talk. I try and remember to talk loudly (which feels very unnatural) but sometimes forget. DH gets cross with me for talking too quietly but I liken it to trying to speak without an accent - people can do it for so long but your natural way of talking usually comes out.

It's not one or the other, there is a happy medium! No one likes a very quiet speaker or a very loud one.

@VanGoghsDog but you weren't talking about yourself, you were responding to another post.
It's clear that this topic is emotive, and you're determined to find fault to justify yourself. No point in arguing with you, have a nice day and enjoy your whataboutery.

@pigsDOfly

Yes, yes, yes.

I'm slightly deaf - age related hearing loss - and wear hearing aids so anyone speaking quietly makes trying to catch what they're saying really hard work for me.

My dentist has the quietest voice I think I've ever come across, she also has quite a strong accent, add the mask and visor to the mix and it's virtually impossible for me to hear her, very difficult when you're trying to discuss matters relating to dental health.

I'm always asking people to speak up as I'm deaf and then they often start speaking very slowly, but in the same volume, which really annoys me; I'm deaf, not stupid.

Sorry if this is offensive but isn't the slow speech meant to facilitate lip reading?

I’m softly spoken and people have commented on it - for the most part people can hear me, I have one friend with hearing difficulties and I deliberately speak more loudly when I’m with her. I also speak more loudly if I’m speaking to a room of people. I don’t speak loudly all the time though because it’s something I have to do consciously, and it would be exhausting to have to do it every time I spoke, would be like having to think about breathing.

On the up side, I’ve been told by many people that my voice is very gentle and calming which is useful in my job (which involves speaking to women around pregnancy loss). So swings and roundabouts.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I don't get why some people on this thread seem to think it's either whispering or bellowing - with no possible volume in between. I can't stand bellowers, but I do like to be able to hear people when they're talking. You feel terrible when you realise you've spoken over somebody, but they were so quiet, you couldn't have known they were speaking.

Talking of bellowers, they were talking about people with very loud voices on Jeremy Vine's radio show a few weeks ago, and Jeremy had Brian Blessed on as a guest. Brian spoke (at a perfectly normal speaking volume) about how he could speak very loudly when the part or situation dictated it, but it was by no means his default volume.

I've heard him sing too, and he has an amazing singing voice - but that doesn't mean he only ever sings at people instead of talking to them in everyday life.

You don't have to stray way out of your comfort zone, but it's a normal part of human communication to adapt to suit your company. You change your voice and intonation when you speak to a baby/small child, speak deliberately more clearly and slowly when talking to somebody with only a basic knowledge of your language; even if you're talking to somebody from the same country, but a distant region, and they don't understand your very strong accent or dialect.

Volume is just another adaptation that you sometimes need to make - but if you don't care about people being able to hear or understand you (or even realise that you are talking) when you're trying to communicate with them, crack on. Just don't get angry with them when your attempted communication fails.

lol exactly this. Also nobody has a solution to 'quiet' speakers. What are people meant to do?

At work it's easy, I just say 'sorry your mic might not be working DM me' :)

not sure what to do IRL

@TractorAndHeadphones no it makes lip reading harder. Just speak normally.

If the person has hearing problems they can find volume control difficult

With some it is a form of control just as it is with very loud people.

[quote TractorAndHeadphones]@VanGoghsDog but you weren't talking about yourself, you were responding to another post.
It's clear that this topic is emotive, and you're determined to find fault to justify yourself. No point in arguing with you, have a nice day and enjoy your whataboutery.[/quote]
Nope, I've reread my posts and I wasn't speaking on behalf of others, just for myself.

And I've not engaged in any whataboutery, you obviously don't know what it means.

I'm not sure "fault" I was supposed to be finding. And no, it's not an emotive topic for me - as I said, I'm a quiet person. That's all I said, I never said I constantly get asked to repeat things. You're just making things up.

I wear hearing aids and it can be really awkward trying to speak to mumblers. The funny thing is once I’ve explained I have significant hearing loss, they will often speak far more clearly. Why couldn’t they do that in the first place?

We have one of these people at work. I call him Eeyore in my head