To find people who speak very quietly a bit annoying

[Eastie77Returns]

This might be a gripe that’s specific to me but I find it very taxing. I have a friend and colleague who speaks so quietly she is often inaudible. She’s aware of this because so many people ask her to speak up in different contexts (work, ordering in a restaurant, in shops, social events).

There have now been multiple occasions when I’ve given up on a conversation with her because she is speaking in such hushed tones I can’t follow what she is talking about. This has been when walking on a street or in a cafe so normal settings where there is no need to lower your voice. I can’t be bothered to keep asking her to repeat or crane my neck to try and catch her words. Awkwardly she sometimes starts laughing so she’s obviously (quietly) told a joke and I’ve missed. She also whispers whenever she talks about her husband.

Can I ask, if you speak quietly and are frequently told to speak up is there a reason you can’t/won’t? I’m genuinely curious because my friend is able to speak in a ‘normal’ tone at times and is a confident person (so this is not to do with shyness) and she doesn’t have a hearing problem/sensitivity she so I don’t get it.

@Exhausteddog

My DH grew up in a family of 4 and is noticeably a lot louder with his family. We speak more quietly at home.

My family are like this. We will all speak at the same time as well. It must be weird for outsiders to hear! We know what is going on in the conversation ha.

No objection to/issue with people having naturally quiet voices if their diction is clear. Mumblers, however, I cannot be bothered to struggle with. If one is an adult with no medical reasons for a speech impediment, poor diction is simply lazy.

I've put YABU as I suspect they can't really help it. But there are people I would have liked to get to know better but didn't as I found it too hard to hear what they say.

@toastfiend

I have quite bad tinnitus and really struggle to hear people when they're very quiet. I find it extremely frustrating, partly at my own limitations and partly because they never seem willing to make any effort to make themselves easier to be heard, even when I let them know that my hearing isn't very good.

This is me too. I'm not loud, but especially in crowded places there is literally no chance I am going to hear you if you're talking in hushed tones. I've surprised myself by realised how much I rely on lipreading as well with obviously most people wearing masks.

I'm not the hugest fan of loud people but at least I know what they're saying!

@NarcissaMalfoysManicure

Dog by name dog by nature, it seems. Total disregard for people with hearing difficulties.

Nice whataboutery. The post I was responding to didn't say anything about people with hearing loss. Should I shout at everyone in case they have hearing loss? Stupid comment.

@NarcissaMalfoysManicure

VGD is clearly a mumbler whom everyone ignores/ gets bored of very quickly

Nope. I am quiet, but I do not mumble and no-one gets bored of me. Why would you think it OK to make nasty personal comment like that? Are you always vile?

In my experience quiet people also tend to act pained all the time, like life is all too much for them, and are always serious.

For good reason, in many cases. Perhaps they survived abuse, neglect, bullying, domestic violence, or are still going through it. These experiences can lead to a serious lack of self esteem where you don't feel you are allowed to be heard, and yes, it makes people scared of life. They appear serious because they are finding things hard, and it can seem as if no-one else understands and just thinks they should 'lighten up'. Maybe they are on the autistic spectrum, or over-sensitive to noise, or have depression or anxiety. Maybe they are not you.

@CounsellorTroi

OP I worked with someone lime this and it was bloody annoying. I was always straining to hear her. She could speak perfectly normally over the phone.

I often wonder whether some people do this on purpose because it forces people to pay attention to them.

Honestly I’ve wondered this too and also the comment a PP made that it is about control. At certain social events, eg dinner with a group of friends, the entire table will be sat looking at her intently and straining to hear her while she mumbles away.

I’ve heard her speak in a completely normal voice on occasion so I know she can.

I also think people who speak very, very slowly with long pauses are attention seekers. There is clearly a need to hold everyone’s attention for as long as possible.

I am a quiet speaker. I am not sure why that is. If I try and speak louder, I end up stuttering.

Why can't you just listen more attentively?

This has to be the twattiest comment I've seen today.

There are many reasons why people just need to speak up.

There's background noise for starters. People have issues with hearing, including tinnitus. I am partly deaf and wear hearing aids. Hearing aids are great but don't give me the equivalent of full hearing. I can be as attentive as possible and still not hear everything.

And finally, some people simply talk too quietly. One of my cousins is a devil for this, the merest hint that there are people nearby who might possibly overhear and she's super quiet. I end up missing most of what she says if I don't remind her to speak up. My other cousin has very good hearing and even she can struggle hearing our cousin sometimes.

If you are getting a lot of people in different situations telling you that you are speaking too quietly, then it really is you who is the problem and needs to speak louder.

I can guarantee though that I am not quiet for attention. That is a pretty shitty thing to say. I hate attention.

I've tinnitus as well as chronic sinus trouble and both impact my hearing. I find some quiet talkers are almost impossible for me to hear and it gets embarrassing asking them to constantly speak up. I'm not asking any quiet speakers to chat loudly to me but if they want my attention or want me to give an opinion or advice (in a work situation) then they do need to speak up. It has nothing to do with me listening better. Oh and add a mask and it's mission impossible!

@VanGoghsDog Posters aren’t saying they should always or constantly speak “more loudly”, they’re asking that if you are continually being told by friends, colleagues, shop workers etc that they can’t hear you, you need to recognise when to speak louder/learn to project your voice. Surely it’s obvious that one needs to speak more loudly in certain situations? Eg the hushed tone suited to a funeral doesn’t work in a crowded restaurant with background music.

I mean we’re literally talking about verbal communication here, what’s the point in engaging in conversation at all if you know people can’t bloody hear you?

@TinyLittlePandaSneeze
@VanGoghsDog

I feel the same that its quite tiring and a lot of effort to maintain a higher than natural volume.

DS had delayed speech s a toddler/preschooler and is still not clear. (At 12) He starts a sentence loudly and tails off and is really awful at facing people when talking to them, and not making eye contact. I'm always reminding him about it.

[quote WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow]**@VanGoghsDog* Posters aren’t saying they should always or constantly speak “more loudly”, they’re asking that if you are continually being told by friends, colleagues, shop workers etc that they can’t hear you*, you need to recognise when to speak louder/learn to project your voice. Surely it’s obvious that one needs to speak more loudly in certain situations? Eg the hushed tone suited to a funeral doesn’t work in a crowded restaurant with background music.

I mean we’re literally talking about verbal communication here, what’s the point in engaging in conversation at all if you know people can’t bloody hear you?[/quote]
Obviously we try when asked.

That's not what the post I was replying to said. It said "why can't you have more self awareness", meaning speak louder all the time because quiet people are causing problems. Which is fucking charming.

@XenoBitch

I can guarantee though that I am not quiet for attention. That is a pretty shitty thing to say. I hate attention.

Agreed, same. I loathe being centre of attention.

I also loathe being centre of attention. The thought of a whole table looking at me is hell.

The worst is mumblers who mumble and then, when you ask them to say whatever it is again, repeat themselves at exactly the same volume.

If I didn’t hear you the first time, I won’t hear you the second time! The problem is with you, not me! (As evidenced by the billion people in your life who are always asking f you to speak up).

In the case of the person I’m thinking of, he does it because he thinks he’s so important that everyone should be silent and genuflect when he speaks. So arrogant.

@VanGoghsDog but it is a problem if NOBODY can hear you, and you're constantly being asked to repeat yourself. It is a problem.

What do you suggest people do then? Please provide solutions

One technique that has had good effects is to reply in a similarly low volume- deliberately- so that she strains to hear you. (The natural response to someone speaking too quietly is to raise your own voice 😁)

@TulipsGarden

I also loathe being centre of attention. The thought of a whole table looking at me is hell.

Not something I love either but surely that’s much more likely if everyone is straining to hear you or you’re continually being asked to repeat yourself because they didn’t catch what you said?

I have a loud voice. So does my son. Can pick up in a crowd where he is. I was always told to be quiet at school. I will speak to my husband etc and people will turn round at look at me. I feel like I'm talking normally but my voice travels. I absolutely hate it

I'm deaf but my hearing is pretty good with hearing aids and it drives me mad. My mum is the worst offender. She speaks so quietly I often give up even trying to follow her conversation.

It sometimes feels like a passive aggressive thing. To make it worse she also has hearing loss but refuses to wear her own hearing aids so she can't hear what other people say. Together the two things make trying to communicate with her very hard.

Annoying but more annoying is people who speak too slowly. I’m just there dying inside thinking HURRY UP 🤬🤬 as I’ve often worked out what they’re about to say but have to nod politely whilst they get to it.

I feel the same that its quite tiring and a lot of effort to maintain a higher than natural volume.

It’s also quite tiring having to strain and concentrate in order to hear what someone is saying.

I found quiet talkers especially annoying at meetings when I was the one trying to take notes.