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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephew is dog phobic. Visiting dilemma

634 replies

DaughterOfEvening · 27/12/2021 21:50

I’ve kept this quite vague as my SIL is on here. DB has asked to come and visit us with their children, all three over 6. We don’t live close by, a few hours drive. We have room for them to stay. They have not yet visited our house as we moved during lockdown. Their eldest is 12 and has always been dog phobic (will scream, cry, run away)
Phone call today from DB asking for detailed layout of the house and where the dogs will be as “Billy” won’t be in the same room as a dog. We have two very lazy dogs who sleep for 20+ hours a day. The dogs are not barkers or jumpers.

I have reassured him that neither dog will be wandering around and that they will stay on their respective beds in one room downstairs. The dogs have never been upstairs. Ever.
Brother has said that it’s not enough, that’s it’s nothing personal. He’s just not willing to put Billy under any stress.
I’m not sure if he’s expecting me to shut the dogs outside but if he asked this then my polite response would be oh dear, you have long drive back then.
Should I be more accommodating?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 28/12/2021 19:38

@WaltzingBetty

In Japan dogs are still bred and kept for fighting and in China they are eaten. Part of that is killing them slowly or beating them before death as its belived that it makes the meat more tender.

Managed to crowbar in some racist generalisations there @godmum56 - well done!

Might be worth mentioning that the Yulin festival in China has been outlawed and that dog-eating was only every a very localised tradition in China (associated primarily with Korean immigrant populations and some communities around the Yangtze). Also that pet ownership is incredibly common, just like the UK.

Also that in the UK dogs are still bred and kept for fighting - does that mean that we're a culture that doesn't like dogs - like the Japanese?

Outdated national stereotypes help no one.

so are you saying that Japanese Tosa's are no longer bred or fought and that dog is now eaten and killed cruelly to be eaten nowhere in China? I agree that not all chinese or japanese do it but it was and is an aspect of their culture.
ForagingForMullberries · 28/12/2021 19:39

[quote luckylavender]@ForagingForMullberries - what a ridiculous thing to say about the OP's DB. Based on the information we have, you can't possibly deduce that. [/quote]
@luckylavender Read the OP's latest updates. I was proven right.

luckylavender · 28/12/2021 19:40

@Offmyfence - plenty of people, yes.

luckylavender · 28/12/2021 19:42

@ForagingForMullberries - hardly. This is a snapshot of a brief moment in time.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/12/2021 19:42

[quote luckylavender]@AllThingsServeTheBeam - to be fair most people who have dogs do have a dog smell. [/quote]
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen written on MN. Well done you

HunterGatherer · 28/12/2021 19:43

At 4 my DS became terrified of dogs after being knocked down and playfully mauled by a huge black lab. It got worse and we asked the GP for an psychology referral. They were fab, recommended lots of social stories and the gentle reintroduction of dogs into his world. This worked so well that at 7 we were able to get our own dogs and at 11 he eon an award from school for rescuing a dog (a huge rottie at that!) off a traffic island. He used his tie as a lead!
I would take the tack that your DB is being very irresponsible not to get some proper help for his son. Dogs are everywhere and he needs to seize every opportunity to help his boy overcome his phobia.

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:44

@luckylavender plenty of people what? I don't understand?

5zeds · 28/12/2021 19:44

@AllThingsServeTheBeam Don’t be ridiculous

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:45

@5zeds

You obviously have no idea whatsoever. Grin about what? The kennels you don’t use? Grin
Or maybe used and then decided against? 🤔
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/12/2021 19:45

[quote 5zeds]@AllThingsServeTheBeam Don’t be ridiculous[/quote]
Yes, because it's me being ridiculous 🤣 Put the Bailey's down now dear

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:48

@HunterGatherer

At 4 my DS became terrified of dogs after being knocked down and playfully mauled by a huge black lab. It got worse and we asked the GP for an psychology referral. They were fab, recommended lots of social stories and the gentle reintroduction of dogs into his world. This worked so well that at 7 we were able to get our own dogs and at 11 he eon an award from school for rescuing a dog (a huge rottie at that!) off a traffic island. He used his tie as a lead! I would take the tack that your DB is being very irresponsible not to get some proper help for his son. Dogs are everywhere and he needs to seize every opportunity to help his boy overcome his phobia.
Your DS is awesome!
luckylavender · 28/12/2021 19:48

@Offmyfence - plenty of people wouldn't want to be near your dog or find it cute.

luckylavender · 28/12/2021 19:49

@AllThingsServeTheBeam - truth hurts

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:50

[quote luckylavender]@Offmyfence - plenty of people wouldn't want to be near your dog or find it cute.
[/quote]
Oh right now that makes sense!

But judging by this, 86% would! I'll take that, thanks!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/12/2021 19:50

[quote luckylavender]@AllThingsServeTheBeam - truth hurts [/quote]
Do you enjoy speaking in riddles? I don't think anyone knows what the he you're on about

ForagingForMullberries · 28/12/2021 19:51

[quote luckylavender]@ForagingForMullberries - hardly. This is a snapshot of a brief moment in time. [/quote]
@luckylavender Are you serious? This 'snapshot of a brief moment' is pretty damning. He is bullying, abusing and gaslighting the OP even though she bent over backwards to accommodate her nephew while doesn't do a thing. Those texts say everything about how he truly is, and sheds new light and proves the OP right.

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:52

[quote luckylavender]@AllThingsServeTheBeam - truth hurts [/quote]
You do need to learn how to quote and then respond, you're very difficult to follow?

You swipe to the left and the option comes up "quote".

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/12/2021 19:53

@Offmyfence I think I've worked out what she was on about. She says she can tell who owns dogs just by how they smell because people who own dogs apparently smell like dogs 🤣 I called her ridiculous and apparently the truth hurts.

5zeds · 28/12/2021 19:53

No baileys, just a different opinion.

@Offmyfence I’ve been to kennels I wouldn’t use but my boy loves his present one. They make a huge fuss of him and show at crufts so he usually comes back super groomed too Smile. His previous kennels had a ridiculously hearty military type who walked him for hours and he hero worshipped.

HalfWomanHalfMincePie · 28/12/2021 19:54

Some growing up required here, I think...

ForagingForMullberries · 28/12/2021 19:54

@HunterGatherer

At 4 my DS became terrified of dogs after being knocked down and playfully mauled by a huge black lab. It got worse and we asked the GP for an psychology referral. They were fab, recommended lots of social stories and the gentle reintroduction of dogs into his world. This worked so well that at 7 we were able to get our own dogs and at 11 he eon an award from school for rescuing a dog (a huge rottie at that!) off a traffic island. He used his tie as a lead! I would take the tack that your DB is being very irresponsible not to get some proper help for his son. Dogs are everywhere and he needs to seize every opportunity to help his boy overcome his phobia.
Well done to your family! You should be very proud of yourself and of your DS of course! Smile That's what a proactive family is all about.
Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:56

@5zeds

No baileys, just a different opinion.

@Offmyfence I’ve been to kennels I wouldn’t use but my boy loves his present one. They make a huge fuss of him and show at crufts so he usually comes back super groomed too Smile. His previous kennels had a ridiculously hearty military type who walked him for hours and he hero worshipped.

That's great, but not all dogs find one they like?
Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 19:57

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@Offmyfence I think I've worked out what she was on about. She says she can tell who owns dogs just by how they smell because people who own dogs apparently smell like dogs 🤣 I called her ridiculous and apparently the truth hurts. [/quote]
Batshit!

It could be worse is dog owners could smell of bull shit!

Tiredalwaystired · 28/12/2021 19:59

My daughter is dog phobic. My sister bought a dog in lockdown. We live a couple of hours away. We’ve not been to visit them since. It’s too stressful to contemplate

You’re within your right not to accommodate but they also have the right not to come and visit any more if it causes distress. It depends on how much you want them there really.

Clymene · 28/12/2021 20:01

@Tiredalwaystired

My daughter is dog phobic. My sister bought a dog in lockdown. We live a couple of hours away. We’ve not been to visit them since. It’s too stressful to contemplate

You’re within your right not to accommodate but they also have the right not to come and visit any more if it causes distress. It depends on how much you want them there really.

Absolutely. And the OP is perfectly happy for them not to visit.

I hope you get your daughter some help. Phobias are hugely debilitating.