I think it’s really hard to answer the question of ‘living as a woman’. For me, I guess it means ‘presenting in a way that makes other people see me as female’. Now, I guess I can do that quite easily because I have a female form - wider hips, narrower waist, fuller lips etc - so whatever clothes I wear, my shape remains ‘woman’. For people born male, with the different body shape this confers - narrow, straight hips, less full lips, no boobs etc - to present as a woman, they need to wear clothes that either disguise their natural shape (eg padded in certain places) or are typically ‘female’ (eg dresses, skirts, blouses, brighter colours / patterns). They may also wear make up (again, traditionally ‘female’ although becoming more often seen on men) to enhance features to be more ‘feminine’.
To me, these are very superficial, physical changes, designed to make on-lookers read the person as female. I accept and understand they are also based on ‘typical’ ideas of male & female that don’t encompass all body shapes or looks, in either sex. But I also know we live in a very gendered world, where the idea of male & female is all around us. I’m not saying this is a good thing, but I do accept it exists. There are different departments for womenswear and menswear, where the clothes within are shaped and styled differently, different shapes of bicycle, clubs where only men or women can be members and so on.
I can also, I think, understand how the physical presentations can affect how we move within the world, and how others move around us. However, I guess I don’t really understand how anyone who has not presented in a certain way for their entire life can truly ‘live as a woman’ because to me, my understanding of the world and myself is the culmination and combination of all my life experiences, many of which are gendered interactions.
However, I also believe that everyone has the right to live as they wish to. That encompasses trans men & women being welcomed into (most) spaces that align with their presented gender but excluded from others because of their body shape where necessary. To be more specific, I don’t have a problem with trans women in female toilets, but I absolutely do in crisis centres etc. I know there will be some bad actors in all situations but on balance I believe the risk to be low enough to be something worth living with - I know not everyone agrees, but my opinion is valid enough to be stated.
I also do not think anyone should be told they have to find anyone else attractive or ‘have a go’ - of course lesbians should be able to say no cock. They should even be able to say no cock to transwomen, if they want, in the same way they could say no fat women or I only like big boobs, because those are physical characteristics that are important in their attraction. But apart from some vocal and abhorrent instances, does this really happen much more than it ever did? Haven’t there always been the wankers who see lesbians as women ‘who haven’t met the right man’? (Often the same men who believe they’re so irresistible that any gay guy who crosses their path will be trying to shag them). That’s a genuine question, by the way - is this a growing phenomenon or something blown out of proportion by some overly officious TRAs?
Speaking of which, Stonewall comes up again and again, and it seems they have tried to push some extreme changes, but I don’t think it’s either ‘with them’ or anti-trans. And with more and more institutions breaking ties with them, aren’t they increasingly irrelevant?