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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My in laws came for early lunch at 11:30 and they are still here

399 replies

DownToTheSleighAgain · 27/12/2021 16:34

AIBU to think it is about time they pushed off?

I've fed them lunch, cheese, cake, mince pies, booze and endless cups of tea. We've 'done' presents. We've had the dull conversations about money (them) and covid (a hoax apparently). I have resisted plunging a knife into one or all of them.

I want a bath and a nice glass of wine and some P&Q. What is the etiquette for getting them gone?

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 27/12/2021 17:14

I only have sons. Mumsnet actually sometimes makes me really worried about the future. Seems like once they're married, I'llno longer be welcome in their lives because I'll be the dreaded MIL (and not the mum of the wife, just the mum of the husband).

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 27/12/2021 17:15

I really really hope my son marries someone who enjoys my company or at least doesn't see anything wrong with spending quality time at some point over the Christmas period.

My inlaws are ace. But I hate having houseguests. Quality time doesn't mean lots of quantity time.

BorisKilledMyHusband · 27/12/2021 17:15

ILs are rude to be covid denying fuckers but why not politely put them right.
11.30 is just weird for lunch - as in, eat early so I can kick you out early.
ILs are not unreasonable to stay and see their family over Christmas and if you usher them out of the door, have a bath etc, you would be rude.
The tinkly laugh brigade can fuck off.

MrzClaus · 27/12/2021 17:15

Oh this makes me a bit sad! Do you not like your in laws?

This is the time of year to relax, eat drink and be merry - spending time with family (you like) is the best part of it. I love my in laws, it's like having another mum and dad, I'd be so sad to feel this way.

papayaorange · 27/12/2021 17:16

Why do you even bother having them in the first place. Just send them a text saying "Sorry I am a selfish cow who can not be arsed to spend any more than an hour with my husbands parents, so do not come"
That should solve the problem. I hope you get the same message when you become someones mother in law. Merry Bloody Christmas!

Shedmistress · 27/12/2021 17:16

@givemepiece

I know (well I'm pretty sure) this thread is 'light hearted' (I hope) but reading it really makes me sad. I really really hope my son marries someone who enjoys my company or at least doesn't see anything wrong with spending quality time at some point over the Christmas period.
Perhaps teach your son how to get up early, pander to visitors, do all the cooking and entertaining...and start talking sense rather than bollocks and maybe his future partners won't think of you all as a royal pain in the arse.
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 27/12/2021 17:17

You do sound arrogant, self centered and incredibly selfish. I feel sorry for your DH who cannot host his own parents in his own home. Hope you get the same back from your adult kids when you are an inlaw. Just go and disappear and leave your DH to enjoy his time with his parents.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 27/12/2021 17:18

@papayaorange

Why do you even bother having them in the first place. Just send them a text saying "Sorry I am a selfish cow who can not be arsed to spend any more than an hour with my husbands parents, so do not come" That should solve the problem. I hope you get the same message when you become someones mother in law. Merry Bloody Christmas!
OP do this next time! Save everyone the aggro
Shedmistress · 27/12/2021 17:21

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

You do sound arrogant, self centered and incredibly selfish. I feel sorry for your DH who cannot host his own parents in his own home. Hope you get the same back from your adult kids when you are an inlaw. Just go and disappear and leave your DH to enjoy his time with his parents.
He's not doing any hosting. She's the one that did all the work and then had to listen to their prattling on about covid hoaxes all day.
Chasingaftermidnight · 27/12/2021 17:22

Not to get competitive but my parents and uncle have been with us since Christmas Eve. You’ve not even managed 6 hours.

Jjjayfee · 27/12/2021 17:22

Rather than a bath which is rather rude imo, couldn't you fake a headache that needs a lie down

Holly60 · 27/12/2021 17:24

Yeah you sound nasty OP and I actually feel sorry for your in-laws. And your husband.

PiscesSt · 27/12/2021 17:25

Why would they want to stay for over 5 hours? it does get boring after a while! If i’m a guest at a friends or relatives house I would never want stay that long and wouldn’t want anyone to at my house either! it becomes camping out and is rude imo

Theluggage15 · 27/12/2021 17:26

If someone‘s talking about something I’d prefer not to talk about, I change the subject. Are you not capable of that? You sound like you despise your husband and your in laws. Probably do them a favour if you piss off. And big deal making lunch and drinks, I’m sure your husband’s capable of buying food. Again, why are you not capable of asking him to sort lunch?

furbabymama87 · 27/12/2021 17:27

I end up running out of things to say to my in laws when they've been there for a few hours and it can be a bit draining, especially when they're not that good at making conversation. I always have a headache afterwards.

LyraVega · 27/12/2021 17:27

I think you're getting harsh replies here OP - has no one read the posts where she says she was prepping dinner by 8am, did all the hosting and serving, all the tidying up associated with dinner and getting several rounds of drinks etc and that her husband has done none of that when its his family they're hosting!?

The covid denying bit would do my head in too, OP. I've found that the people who think others are making too much of covid are the ones that spout off about it the most!

Also we don't know whether OP has already seen her in laws over the Christmas period, I don't think it says anywhere that this is the first time they've seen them since say Christmas eve.

Hope you get your bath soon OP!

Snoozer11 · 27/12/2021 17:28

It's one day.

How often do people get the chance to spend a good few hours with family.

I know it's annoying, but it's just life.

Go and have your bath if you want it so much.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 27/12/2021 17:28

Jesus Christ you're getting a hard time. I wouldn't want my in-laws here for that length of time either. My mum came for an early dinner yesterday. Arrived at 4, and ordered her taxi home at 7.30.

papayaorange · 27/12/2021 17:28

@furbabymama87

I end up running out of things to say to my in laws when they've been there for a few hours and it can be a bit draining, especially when they're not that good at making conversation. I always have a headache afterwards.
Biscuit
BoredZelda · 27/12/2021 17:30

This. OP sounds like a controlling twat.

I know! How awfully controlling of her to get up at 8am to do everything to host OP’s family whilst he did nothing. What a bitch.

BoredZelda · 27/12/2021 17:31

OP, could you gift them a dog? None of our family get togethers last more than a few hours as someone always has to be home for the dog.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 27/12/2021 17:31

@Shedmistress OP mentioned that her DH enjoys having them around. Which she found weird. Couldve ordered a takeaway if her DH didnt help her. There are always ways to make it asy for your self.

papayaorange · 27/12/2021 17:31

To everyone who can not spend time with in laws, mother, father, brother, sister etc for a few hours once a year. WHY DID YOU BOTHER? You obviously do not have the lovely relationship that I have with my family. I feel sorry for you.

Mofomo · 27/12/2021 17:31

Have a bath later

furbabymama87 · 27/12/2021 17:33

What's the biscuit for? You try hosting someone you see 3 times a year ( their own choice) who doesn't see their grandchildren despite not living very far, doesn't ask how they are, has virtually no contact with their son and sits there in silence giving one word answers. Bit awkward.