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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My in laws came for early lunch at 11:30 and they are still here

399 replies

DownToTheSleighAgain · 27/12/2021 16:34

AIBU to think it is about time they pushed off?

I've fed them lunch, cheese, cake, mince pies, booze and endless cups of tea. We've 'done' presents. We've had the dull conversations about money (them) and covid (a hoax apparently). I have resisted plunging a knife into one or all of them.

I want a bath and a nice glass of wine and some P&Q. What is the etiquette for getting them gone?

OP posts:
GoodPrincessWenceslas · 27/12/2021 17:54

Also they've gone and I'm drinking wine and all is now well with the world.

Hooray.

Next time you ask them round, make sure you let them know about the activity you absolutely have to go to by 3.30.

ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 27/12/2021 17:54

I feel you OP.

In fact, I made an identical post 10 years ago when middle DS was a baby.

They outstayed their welcome, it was meltdown time for the baby and toddler (about this time) and they weren't taking the hint.

I moaned on here and got told I was very unreasonable.

Enjoy your bath and wine/

ohlookitstwins · 27/12/2021 17:55

My dm invited herself for xmas lunch (she was meant to be going to her dm) and turned up at my house at 7pm xmas eve and is currently still sitting on my sofa, despite my blatant requests for her to go home 😤
It's not as if she's lonely or we don't see her often, she lives 10 mins away and sees my dc at least 3 times a week.
I would like to sit on my sofa without hearing the drone of coronation street in the background...send help!

hulahooper2 · 27/12/2021 17:55

Yabvu they are obviously enjoying your company , I would never try to get rid of visitors and it’s far too early for a bath

BlackCatz · 27/12/2021 17:56

What miserable fuckers on here.

PiscesSt · 27/12/2021 18:00

papayaorange - you are right!!! not everyone does have the same as you!

ChargingBuck · 27/12/2021 18:00

Everyone cooks and cleans and offers drinks when friends, relatives come around. Why do you find it so hard?!

Everyone bar OP's DH it would appear, @UnshakenNeedsStirring

ChargingBuck · 27/12/2021 18:01

@CheltenhamLady

I hope you never have in-laws OP. You sound very self-centred and what goes around, usually comes around.
Eh? The entire OP is about her in-laws!
Tayegete · 27/12/2021 18:02

When my kids were little the in-laws used to arrive at 10am and not leave until 7pm, (they live a two hour drive away) despite the fact that they obviously found small kids annoying and tiring. By 3/4 pm they would be staring at their phones saying “is it bedtime yet” and “ooh they look really tired, hint, hint”. Hmm

Immunetypegoblin · 27/12/2021 18:02

£'d only I were also a step parent who had parked badly then I would be MN gold.

You never know, life may offer you such opportunities in the future Grin

Enjoy Wine!

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 27/12/2021 18:04

If I cooked a meal for guests, they came, ate then left straight pretty quickly I'd think they were very rude!

NameChangeCity123 · 27/12/2021 18:04

I also think that's too long to stay IMO. Visits are nice but not for hours on end. They don't stay that far away. They could visit more often for shorter durations if they wanted to. I would feel that way with anyone, even those I really wanted to see. I just feel it's too long and gets draining. After a few hours I just want to relax again

saltandherbsandnothingnice · 27/12/2021 18:05

Give them some space. Maybe they'd like to be just dh and in laws anyway? Sounds like you've more than done your bit! Excuse yourself politely with some bits and bobs you need to get done and say it was lovely to see them.

ChargingBuck · 27/12/2021 18:06

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

You do sound arrogant, self centered and incredibly selfish. I feel sorry for your DH who cannot host his own parents in his own home. Hope you get the same back from your adult kids when you are an inlaw. Just go and disappear and leave your DH to enjoy his time with his parents.
But DH hasn't hosted this own parents. OP did it.

See her update about getting up at 7am to prep, & how she did all the cooking & clearing up.
And yet you're calling her selfish, arrogant & self-centred?!
What about the man who just sat back & let it all be done for him?

Dracocat · 27/12/2021 18:06

Read a bit but then sste.

Could you not have have sorted this out previously? Either before the day or on the day?

When it was organised was there any discussion about how long they would like to stay for/vice versa?

Even on the day its pretty normal to check what time guests might be staying until.

Like we were at my parents yesterday - in the morning my dad asked what time we were thinking of leaving. Not in a rude way, or assuming anything, but it's useful to know generally right?

I think it would be easy to frame asking around whether they were expecting to stay for teatime etc.

If I didn't have a great relationship to be able to do that with ils myself, I'd pull oh aside for a quiet word 'help I'm struggling here - can you find out when they might be going and I might need some time away for a bit'.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/12/2021 18:07

@HippeePrincess

If you’re feeling particularly rude go and run your bath and their son/daughter can entertain them for the rest of the time they’re around. It’s not an unusual length of time to spend around family at Xmas though so you are a little unreasonable.
This. The number of women who’ve whined and moaned about having to visit or put up with relatives over the last few days is awful. We’ve had people encouraging them to just leave etc. I can only imagine the outrage had it been the other way round and it was the bloke wanting to leave his wife’s parents house as he was bored etc.
thickthighs73 · 27/12/2021 18:09

Start yawning, loudly lol

BitterTits · 27/12/2021 18:10

Meh, I'm with you OP. They sound tedious.

foxgoosefinch · 27/12/2021 18:10

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

Your poor inlaws. How awful to want to spend time with their son and his family. Do you have sons OP? How would you feel if their wives resented you? Everyone cooks and cleans and offers drinks when friends, relatives come around. Why do you find it so hard?!
There's the most astonishing level of handmaidenry in some of these posts. Have we somehow slipped back to 1972? Is this satire? Why do "sons' wives" have some kind of duty of servitude here?
Hadjab · 27/12/2021 18:12

Completely accept that I am being unreasonable to those of you who adore their in laws but in a similar situation my family would come for lunch, have lunch, chat briefly, then leave. I'd be a couple of hours into my bath at least by now

Is that because they don’t like you OP?

justamumseekingadvice · 27/12/2021 18:13

@DownToTheSleighAgain YABU - and people like you are the reason I honestly feel sad for when my kids are older and I’m the in-laws! It’s Christmas and considering they live 40 minutes away, it’s not very long for them to spend at your house, how would you feel if your OH treated your family that way? Very rude of you, and I hope you’ve not made them feel too uncomfortable!

Original poster
DownToTheSleighAgain · 27/12/2021 18:14

Listen. I don't resent them (although I have been known to opine that life would be easier if DH were 'n orphan). They just stayed too long and talked too much total bollox and I wanted a bath.

Cooking for 13 is sweaty stuff.

OP posts:
justamumseekingadvice · 27/12/2021 18:14

@DownToTheSleighAgain also it’s not weird for him to want to spend time with his own family - but then again you don’t exactly sound family oriented to me…

guffaux · 27/12/2021 18:14

my bil gets a flagon of water and a glass for himself, ostentatiously putting these front and centre, (he always drinks the same volume of water to any alcohol he's had, to detox ) signalling the indulgence of wine and conversation is over, and its time for us to fuck off Grin

the very, very best part of having guests is shutting the door after they've gone

DDivaStar · 27/12/2021 18:14

@DownToTheSleighAgain

For the record I am am exemplar DIL.

I still hate their politics/ dodgy views and nothing (not even Mumsnet) will persuade me that that is not ok.

Also they've gone and I'm drinking wine and all is now well with the world.

You don't need to dicuss covid. Can you not spend time with people who have different views to you ?