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Original poster

DP hiding his Christmas money but using mine

231 replies

goodbyechristmastree · 27/12/2021 09:44

We’re both in our late twenties but some family members still give us money for Christmas. His parents and grandparents (to him) and my dad who I don’t have a great relationship with but he seems to think a Christmas card with a cheque in a year is a fine relationship!

Background: Been with DP for a few years, have a child together, share a bank account, everything comes out of that.

DP’s nan very kindly gave me £40 for Christmas (which I was very surprised about!) and my DP was given money by all of his family. When I asked him how much it was; he was very vague ‘Oh just a bunch of tens’. I didn’t ask anything else after that but noticed he had very quickly stashed it away in a cabinet.

Just to say, I think it’s lovely of his family to give him so much, but it was odd behaviour. I was even more miffed when I found that he had taken my £40 to spend on a takeaway for himself.

I noticed my money was gone this morning and out of curiosity went to the cabinet to see how much he’d been given (confused as to why he had used the money I had been given), and it’s gone.

We never have secrecy or arguments around money, so I’m just really confused. I’m the main earner so understand that maybe he just wants this to himself which of course it’s his money so whatever, but to then go and spend mine on a takeaway? Confused by this whole situation...

Will eventually ask him but he’s still asleep, and just wanted to vent a little!

OP posts:
IsDaveThere · 27/12/2021 09:46

I would be raging if he had used MY Christmas money to buy himself a takeaway. He would be paying me that back straight away!

Pegasussnail · 27/12/2021 09:46

I would make sure i got my money back from him- your nan got you that money to treat yourself.

Original poster
goodbyechristmastree · 27/12/2021 09:46

@IsDaveThere I am!!

OP posts:
2TurtleDovesInARow · 27/12/2021 09:48

When he wakes say "what are we doing with the Christmas money you got then? I was thinking we should ..."

If he looks confused then remind him you're apparently using it as shared funds given he spent yours.

Lollypop701 · 27/12/2021 09:49

Sorry but that’s not on. He has taken your money, not even for a bloody joint takeaway but one for himself. Plus 40 on a takeout???? He seems to think that because money came from his family it’s his? Well it’s not. I’d be furious

SmallElephant · 27/12/2021 09:49

Definitely ask for the £40 back!

As for the rest, as long as things are generally ok between you and he pulls his weight in the partnership I wouldn't worry too much. It's a bit weird that he wouldn't tell you the amount but basically his decision.

GabriellaMontez · 27/12/2021 09:49

He's taken your money. You cant access his... that's stealing. Make sure you have a conversation about this. Perhaps there is a simple explanation. But dont allow him to get away with it. What horrible behaviour.

LonginesPrime · 27/12/2021 09:49

Yeah, you need to talk to him - that's an unbelievably shitty thing to do.

It sounds like perhaps you might need to talk about money more generally - if this is out of character for him, it might be that he's harbouring some resentment around the issue that he hasn't been sharing and that his family giving you money has brought to a head for him.

Yuledo · 27/12/2021 09:51

Mmm. You need to nip this in the bud for the future.

HoneyItAlreadyDid · 27/12/2021 09:52

That is not OK.

Don’t ask him to share his money though, I think it’s fair enough he keeps his own money, but it is completely unacceptable of him to take yours. Just ask for your £40 back and if he is cross about it, just tell him you don’t expect him to give you any of his gifted money.

purplemunkey · 27/12/2021 09:53

He stole from you. It doesn’t matter that you share a bank account, this money was a gift to YOU. And he hid from you how much he had been given - so it’s not that he sees gifted money as shared.

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2021 09:55

He’s stolen from you. That would be the end for me.

AhNowTed · 27/12/2021 09:58

This doesn't bode well for the future.

Wild guess but I assume there's history of similar.

AlternativePerspective · 27/12/2021 09:58

I wouldn’t be waiting until he woke up, I’d go and wake the fucker up now and demand to know what the fuck he thought he was playing at.

And then I’d be telling him he gives me the money back now or he can leave.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 27/12/2021 09:58

I'm so angry on your behalf! Only excuse possible, is that he needed to pay the take away delivery driver and could only find your money in the moment - but he should have replaced it immediately!
Why did you not both get a take away?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/12/2021 09:59

Is he a selfish man baby with everything or is this unusual? Depending on that I would be potentially reconsidering ending the relationship. Really unacceptable and I would demand my money back. He stole from you.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 27/12/2021 09:59

Agree with @Bluntness100 that would be it for me. It's awful. Such an unattractive trait theft.

LittleOwl153 · 27/12/2021 09:59

First thing I would be doing it asking for my £40 back. His excuses will show you what he's all about. Anything other than an immediate admission of mistake and it being returned would have me raging. A quick return would still have me questioning things.

What I would do going forward is look at exactly what you are paying for and what the expectations are. But to take your Christmas cash... no that's plain wrong.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/12/2021 10:00

Be considering

ExplodingCarrots · 27/12/2021 10:00

'DP can you give me that £40 back please that you spent on the takeaway? I want to treat myself to XYZ'
His reaction will tell you everything . If he says it's 'our' money then ask him for his wad of cash he had.

MintJulia · 27/12/2021 10:00

Insist that he pays it back from his money. Then get your own savings account as well. Don't allow him to help himself.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 27/12/2021 10:01

Hmm. Is this sort of thing out of the character? If/when you say to him "why did you take my money and spend it on the yourself, whilst whilst squirreling away your own?" how do you think he'll react?

Shoxfordian · 27/12/2021 10:02

He’s basically a thief
Ltb

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2021 10:02

And if it really was a takeaway for just himself then few cost forty quid. As said,he robbed you.

Soubriquet · 27/12/2021 10:02

I bet he thinks because his nan gave you that money, he’s entitled to it too.

Make him give it back. If he says no, it’s family money, “brilliant. I’ve been wanting xxx for the house. Now you have all that money we can get it”

Bet he gives you that £40 back pretty quickly