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Original poster

DP hiding his Christmas money but using mine

231 replies

goodbyechristmastree · 27/12/2021 09:44

We’re both in our late twenties but some family members still give us money for Christmas. His parents and grandparents (to him) and my dad who I don’t have a great relationship with but he seems to think a Christmas card with a cheque in a year is a fine relationship!

Background: Been with DP for a few years, have a child together, share a bank account, everything comes out of that.

DP’s nan very kindly gave me £40 for Christmas (which I was very surprised about!) and my DP was given money by all of his family. When I asked him how much it was; he was very vague ‘Oh just a bunch of tens’. I didn’t ask anything else after that but noticed he had very quickly stashed it away in a cabinet.

Just to say, I think it’s lovely of his family to give him so much, but it was odd behaviour. I was even more miffed when I found that he had taken my £40 to spend on a takeaway for himself.

I noticed my money was gone this morning and out of curiosity went to the cabinet to see how much he’d been given (confused as to why he had used the money I had been given), and it’s gone.

We never have secrecy or arguments around money, so I’m just really confused. I’m the main earner so understand that maybe he just wants this to himself which of course it’s his money so whatever, but to then go and spend mine on a takeaway? Confused by this whole situation...

Will eventually ask him but he’s still asleep, and just wanted to vent a little!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2021 10:02

Of course he is totally unreasonable. I'm interested to know what possible excuse he has! He needs to give you the money back.

lemmity · 27/12/2021 10:03

I wonder if his nan normally gives him a standard amount which she's now split between the two of you or given you a portion of? And he's in a strop as his amount has reduced? Either way it's conplete dickhead behaviour to take yours.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/12/2021 10:04

Theft.

What happens now Op?

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2021 10:05

Did you eat the takeaway too? If so, the cost should be split. If not, then wake him up and tell him to give you your money back NOW.
Regarding the cheque off your DF, if you bank it in your joint account, be sure to withdraw the amount immediately it clears.

BurningTheClocks · 27/12/2021 10:06

I’d also set up your own bank account and pay money into the joint access one for bills. If he’s happy to help himself to your money without asking, you need to have control over your finances.

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 27/12/2021 10:11

Do you have access to where he is squirrelling his money away, if so go take your £40 back....and now you know what he is like, never leave money lying around..

Also what kind of takeaway was he buying for himself that costs £40....that doesn't add up at all...sounds like he took it and is lying to you about why he took it

converseandjeans · 27/12/2021 10:13

That's not acceptable. I would usually save Christmas money & then use towards something like new trainers or some perfume.

How much are you putting into house?

I agree you need to have joint account for bills - DH puts in more than me as he earns more. But not much more. Then we have our own accounts where our salary gets paid.

I imagine he wipes out your joint account too?

Limer · 27/12/2021 10:13

Did his nan give him some money too? Or did he assume the £40 "for you" was meant "for both of you"?

purplemunkey · 27/12/2021 10:14

I suppose there's a chance that he just took the £40 for the takeaway as it was to hand and he has every intention of giving it back. Hard to know until you've spoken to him.

The fact his money has disappeared from sight and he didn't mention he'd taken your £40 doesn't look good at all though.

ScabbyHorse · 27/12/2021 10:15

Maybe he bought something else with it, he might also be lying about that.

HesterShaw1 · 27/12/2021 10:16

You're "confused" but not furious about him nicking your money? 😯

Hope478 · 27/12/2021 10:17

He has stolen from you and you want to "vent a little"?

beastlyslumber · 27/12/2021 10:20

I'm going to bet that this is not the first example of him stealing from you or having dodgy behaviour around money.

I would definitely start by asking for it back. Give him a chance to explain himself.

Weepingwillows12 · 27/12/2021 10:23

Hang on just to check, how do you know he used yours on a takeaway? You said you woke up and the money was gone and so was his so maybe he just put them away safe somewhere?

Weepingwillows12 · 27/12/2021 10:24

If he has done what you think then tell him he owes you £40 and immediately spend it on yourself

Snuggz · 27/12/2021 10:24

I want to know what in the world did he order that came to £40 for ONE person?? 😂

StarCourt · 27/12/2021 10:25

@Snuggz me too!

RealBecca · 27/12/2021 10:26

His an absolute shit and defines "what's mine is mine, whats yours is mine."

Heaven forbid you ever become out of work or dependent on him.

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 10:26

Leave him. No one spends £40 on a chow mein and a spring roll. Especially not someone else's £40.

nellyburt · 27/12/2021 10:27

Definitely get the £40 back and ask how much he got from his family and where it is.

StellaGibson118 · 27/12/2021 10:29

I'd be really confused and annoyed, it's strange behaviour. When I was first reading I thought he had money problems but then you say he spent £40 on a takeaway for himself? £40 would feed several people, what on Earth was he eating? Did you see evidence of the takeaway so you know he hasn't spent it on something else?

SmallElephant · 27/12/2021 10:29

Leave him?! I mean I agree he shouldn't have done this, but it's hardly a LTB situation (assuming everything else between them is ok).

LannieDuck · 27/12/2021 10:30

Why did he feel he can pick up and spend your money?

My DH and I have shared finances, but gifted money is for the person it comes to because it's in lieu of a present. Presumably DP's Nan gave him something as well? Why does he feel he gets to have his gift and your gift from her?

RedToothBrush · 27/12/2021 10:30

£40 for a takeaway? So what did he do with the rest of the money?

LolaButt · 27/12/2021 10:31

Eh? So he put it in a cabinet and you knew where it was. Now it’s gone? Why, because you knew where it was?

The guy is proper shady. Did he get a bag of coke with his takeaway?

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