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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
RamblingFar · 26/12/2021 21:43

Was she comfortable with the dog jumping up at her. If she isn't, then she has the right to attempt to push him away. I'd hate it if I went around someone's house and their dog was jumping up. I wouldn't hit it (unless I thought it really was going to bite me), but to be honest I would have attempted to get away from the dog, by backing away, or even i I knew it was there by not entering the house until it had calmed down. Did she hit him, or push him away from her?

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/12/2021 21:44

No I’m saying they may have said she hit the dog when in reality she tapped him or pushed him away. Why didn’t the dog make a noise if he had been hit? Why didn’t the children say “oh my god/don’t do that” or similar if the dog had just been hit?

My lab walked into the corner of our coffee table hard enough to give him a bloodshot eye. He recoiled back from it and looked a bit sorry for himself, and then we noticed the bloodshot eye. He never made a sound at the time. Dogs don’t always yelp.

EbonanzaScrooge · 26/12/2021 21:45

I don’t believe in hitting animals but you shouldn’t be letting your dog jump up on people let alone twice. If your dog gets excited by guests (like mine) it should be kept away until it’s calm.

MIL was completely out of order so please don’t take this any other way but your dog need to be better trained.

sadpapercourtesan · 26/12/2021 21:45

If your children said she hit him, and you believe your children's word, that's good enough for me. I would believe my children if they said something like that.

MIL sounds like the sort of bossy bully who thinks her "no-nonsense, old-school" schtick gives her the right to bulldoze other people's boundaries and impose her own values on others. I would ask her to go home, personally. Animal cruelty isn't a borderline issue, she needs to know it can't happen.

DaisyNGO · 26/12/2021 21:46

@GCAcademic

She wouldn’t have set foot in my house again after the kitten incident.
This.
Porcupineintherough · 26/12/2021 21:47

Just keep the dog away from her. If she lives 5 hours away I assume she doesnt come round often so just keep them separate.

cocktailclub · 26/12/2021 21:47

Everyone who says kick MIL out, this is the grandmother of their children and mother of the DH. Surely you don't end a relationship like that without trying to repair it first?
She hit the dog but doesn't sound like she cruelly beat it : btw I am a dog lover and wouldn't hit a dog but I would be prepared to educate a family member about how to deal with the dogs behaviour instead. Sounds like she was misguided.
And the kitten issue again not great but could be fixed with a discussion and directly asking her not to.

I think there's been a huge leap from some unwelcome behaviour which is not animal
Cruelty as such but not the correct way to deal with animals and throwing mil out.

Calling the dd selfish is also out of order but really would she be deliberately horrible or believe she is helping

I know a lot of Mumsnetters hate mils but a lot of you will also be mil one day and perhaps would appreciate a different approach to the things you will do that will annoy your dil

Pudmyboy · 26/12/2021 21:48

It wasn't just one episode, she was nasty to a kitten and children.
If people don't like dogs jumping, the thing to do is turn your back on the animal not snack it on a really sensitive area of its body (perhaps think of it like someone making you bite your tongue really hard)

Pudmyboy · 26/12/2021 21:49

*smack not snack

GayParis · 26/12/2021 21:49

I honestly just don't have people in my house who don't like animals.

I can't ever see myself enjoying the company of someone who doesn't like animals & treats them like vermin.

The dogs are family, if you don't like them saying hello to you then quite frankly fuck off out my house!

I'd never be having her round again.

fallfallfall · 26/12/2021 21:50

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose?
sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.

SnowdropSally · 26/12/2021 21:50

@cocktailclub

Everyone who says kick MIL out, this is the grandmother of their children and mother of the DH. Surely you don't end a relationship like that without trying to repair it first? She hit the dog but doesn't sound like she cruelly beat it : btw I am a dog lover and wouldn't hit a dog but I would be prepared to educate a family member about how to deal with the dogs behaviour instead. Sounds like she was misguided. And the kitten issue again not great but could be fixed with a discussion and directly asking her not to.

I think there's been a huge leap from some unwelcome behaviour which is not animal
Cruelty as such but not the correct way to deal with animals and throwing mil out.

Calling the dd selfish is also out of order but really would she be deliberately horrible or believe she is helping

I know a lot of Mumsnetters hate mils but a lot of you will also be mil one day and perhaps would appreciate a different approach to the things you will do that will annoy your dil

I have zero tolerance for animal abuse and yes it ended our relationship. I have no regrets over that. We had no issues before she smacked my horse however she knew my stance an animal abuse before she did it. That was her choice and it was my choice to protect my animals from an abusive bitch. No-one should lift a hand to any animal imo.
DaisyNGO · 26/12/2021 21:50

Cocktailclub "Sounds like she was misguided.
And the kitten issue again not great but could be fixed with a discussion and directly asking her not to."

How is it "misguided" to flick a kitten off a table?

Why does anyone need that behaviour in their life, even if there's a blood relative involved? That's not a person I'd teach DC to mix with.

HangingOutWithTheSandman · 26/12/2021 21:51

Everyone who says kick MIL out, this is the grandmother of their children and mother of the DH. Surely you don't end a relationship like that without trying to repair it first?

She’s hurt two animals and made a nasty comment to the child. I don’t have people like that around my kids so yes, relationship would be finished. I’m not a blood is thicker than water diet of person. If you act like a cunt, you’re not in my life, no matter who you are.

SoniaFouler · 26/12/2021 21:51

It just doesn’t sound like she hit the dog to me. It’s not really making any sense. Why didn’t the kids react when she did it? How could she have hit a dog whilst hugging the child? Why didn’t the dog make any noise? There is a world of difference between HITTING a dog and tapping it on the nose if it’s jumping up and scratching her with it’s claws on her legs.

SnowdropSally · 26/12/2021 21:51

@fallfallfall

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose? sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.
If you don’t see the big deal you have an issue.
HangingOutWithTheSandman · 26/12/2021 21:52

*kind of person

NMC2022 · 26/12/2021 21:52

@fallfallfall

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose? sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.
You don't smack an animal! You can lift them, gentle nudge, say no, think of them like a toddler If my cat gets on the counter I don't smack him, I say no oh FGS cat and say "down" or lift him Smacking a dog on the nose is bloody painful for them and a great way to make them head/ear shy or get bitten. If they then see a band coming and anticipate a smack, they're going to bite!
stillvicarinatutu · 26/12/2021 21:53
  1. If mol is scared of the dog she has the choice NOT to visit a house with a dog . The dog lives there - she doesn't . For me she either accepts that on a visit to someone else's home their rules
Apply if she doesn't visit . End of !
  1. She doesn't have a right to come I to someone else's
Home and abide their pets or children.
  1. I'd have shown her out . Politely. Not .
GayParis · 26/12/2021 21:53

@fallfallfall

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose? sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.
You don't hit defenceless animals? Would you hit your kid for running up to you when you came in the door and trying to get your attention?

The issue is that you just don't hit things. You don't hit animals, you don't hit kids. If you do, you're quite frankly a cunt.

NMC2022 · 26/12/2021 21:54

And I f a dog rushes to the door, I tend to do what my friends would want which is totally ignore the dog, turn my back if I need to, say hi to friend etc. Then when the dog settles/sits you go over and fuss them

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/12/2021 21:55

My old rescue never made a sound when we got her. She was broken on body and spirit.

She learned quickly (I believe) that to do so would get a bigger hiding.

It took her over 5 years to bark and she’d been so quiet that I didn’t even think it was her until she repeated it.

If anyone had done that to my girl they would not be welcome again.

If I’d witnessed it? I would not have been responsible for what came out of my mouth.

There

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/12/2021 21:56

Sorry. Posted too soon.

There would not be a second chance.

Prescottdanni123 · 26/12/2021 21:57

@SoniaFouler

Why were you letting your dog jump up on people? I find that so rude and she could have found it frightening. Not to say she should hit him but surely a dog would help or cry out if had been hit? I think she probably just pushed him away, which I would have done if a dog jumped on me.
@SoniaFouler

He is 1 year old. Still a puppy and very excitable. Excitable puppies get carried away and do things they shouldn't.

Dogs don't always yelp when they hurt themselves, in a similar way to how humans don't always yell 'Owww' when they hurt themselves.

DrSbaitso · 26/12/2021 21:57

You flick my kitten off a surface, I fucking flick you out of my home. I don't need any more of your company to know you're also the kind of person who makes children cry and hits dogs. And I don't care how long you drove or that you're my husband's mother. You're cruel to animals and kids, you can stay somewhere else.