Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
chickengirl77 · 27/12/2021 19:27

Pushing a dog gently away or a firm stop/no is enough,you don't ever hit on the nose!
When we first got our dog and his 1st Christmas, he was just over a year old so still a pup,we had family over boxing day,my youngest neice was scared of him as they didn't have an pets and not been around dogs,we kept dog away as much as possible,my bil demanded we shut dog out in the garden,promptly told him no,he's a pup & it had snowed and was icy outside and bloody freezing! He was it's just a dog,yeah my dog! You knew we had dog,don't like it go home.
He's not a huge dog,he's gentle and loving,he's 13 now and my neice adores him!

Vivi0 · 27/12/2021 19:33

Perfectly illustrated and right on time

Some people have no problem saying no, that’s not okay.

I think it’s pretty shocking that so many posters seem to think that you cannot say no to someone coming into your home, hitting your dog and calling your child selfish.

I don’t know anyone in real life who would actually do that, but then again, I’ve never had any problem telling people no, so people tend not to behave like arseholes towards me, my home, my children and my pets.

Cherrysoup · 27/12/2021 19:45

My dog has never pissed from excitement. Did you not have excited wee as a puppy? One of mine pees a little doing out of his cage and before getting to the garden in the morning. He’s only 14 weeks. He’s allowed.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/12/2021 19:49

@Member869894

I would have hit the dog on its nose if itaD jumped.up on me and kittens.land on their feet so it wouldn't bother me. Not so impressed with the way she spoke to your dd though
Best way to get yourself bitten, that. And to train dogs that anybody lifting their hand or putting it out towards then is going to hit them, so need to be snapped at or cowered away from.

Kittens (and cats) don't always land on their feet, either. Especially when they've been swept/batted/hit sideways.

Keeping your hands close to your body is a better approach to a jumping dog and lifting, scooting (guiding slowly with your hand, not forcing, so they jump off in a controlled way) or, in extremis, scruffing a cat and placing it on the floor is a safer (for all concerned) way to remove them from a surface they shouldn't be on.

Furries · 27/12/2021 20:54

TBH, I’ve kind of lost sight of the original argument now. I’m just amazed at the amount of people happily admitting that they’d hit a dog on the nose.

The nose/muzzle is an incredibly sensitive area on a dog. Their nose is the most important “tool” they have for processing the world around them. And their mouth (and therefore their muzzle) is also their most valuable tool. A dog’s mouth is the equivalent of our hands.

If you have the misfortune of a dog jumping up at you, best thing to do is to just keep walking towards it - no pushing, shoving, kneeing or whatever. Just keep walking, they will get down. I’m obviously talking about over-excitable “greetings”. On the rare occasion of a full on dog attack/bite then it would be different.

But those thinking it’s fine to give a smack to the face are nuts. Because that dog could learn to associate a hand heading towards it (just for a stroke) as being something it needs to protect itself against.

Raising your hand, to someone’s pet in their home, is not on. Pull the owner up by all means - and if they don’t react correctly (which most responsible dog owners would) then remove yourself from their house and reconsider how much you want to visit them again.

In most situations, physical “attacks” on dogs are totally wrong and completely counter-productive. My caveat is in a rare situation where a dog is in full-on attack mode, but that’s not the scenario people are referring to here.

Dogs are sentient beings. As a child, we had a handsome sod that we got from the rescue. He was an amazing family pet. We knew he’d been abused, but he never showed it - he was gently affectionate with everyone. Unless someone with a beard visited. He would then cower and growl lowly from a distance - we very quickly learned to put him in another room if someone with a beard was visiting. Not because we thought he’d attack - the growling is a perfect warning sign. But because it was better for him to not see the bearded person, it obviously distressed him re the abuse he’d gone through.

Basically - don’t hit dogs, don’t swipe cats off of surfaces that aren’t in your own home and don’t try to manipulate children into doing something they’re not comfortable with.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 20:58

Basically - don’t hit dogs, don’t swipe cats off of surfaces that aren’t in your own home and don’t try to manipulate children into doing something they’re not comfortable with.

This. It's really not hard to grasp. And absolutely everything else @Furries said.

Tryagainplease · 27/12/2021 21:16

Basically - don’t hit dogs, don’t swipe cats off of surfaces that aren’t in your own home and don’t try to manipulate children into doing something they’re not comfortable with

Absolutely this. Wouldn’t dream of doing this!
All that needs to be done is a quick word to the owner “would you mind stopping your dog from jumping up please?” Or “would you mind moving the cat from the table please”

Easy!

Having said that, I don’t have dogs or cats but I do love them and love being around them so don’t have a problem with other people’s pets.

TheGrinchsDog · 27/12/2021 22:12

Those that don't take issue with the kitten sweeping should note that it's very easy to really hurt a kitten this way!

Some people on here boggle me or are just trolling for effect I think.

Terfydactyl · 27/12/2021 22:18

@TheGrinchsDog

Those that don't take issue with the kitten sweeping should note that it's very easy to really hurt a kitten this way!

Some people on here boggle me or are just trolling for effect I think.

I think and some others do that men have found this place. It appears that either a lot of women with internalised misogyny have joined and feel it's a great idea to spread the misogyny or men have come to tell us we are doing woman wrong again. Either way its shit for some of the women posters.
TheGrinchsDog · 27/12/2021 22:22

@Terfydactyl lol at the name by the way!

Ugh that sucks! Sad

AIBU has always been an odd place with some pretty fucked views here and there but I've noticed a few really nasty posts recently when I've dipped back in.

Poor Admins, it must be like playing a really bad game of Whack a mole!

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 22:41

Who exactly are supposed to be men-trolls?

MaxNormal · 27/12/2021 22:43

Swiping a kitten off a table could seriously hurt or kill it. They're so light and fragile.

ED81 · 27/12/2021 22:44

This is a busy thread!

Terfydactyl · 27/12/2021 23:03

[quote TheGrinchsDog]@Terfydactyl lol at the name by the way!

Ugh that sucks! Sad

AIBU has always been an odd place with some pretty fucked views here and there but I've noticed a few really nasty posts recently when I've dipped back in.

Poor Admins, it must be like playing a really bad game of Whack a mole![/quote]
Why thank you 🙂 my username carefully chosen recently because allegedly we are all rights hoarding dinosaurs. Who knew.
The menz used to just haunt fwr, but they've realised they can cause shit on any part of here.

Feetupteashot · 27/12/2021 23:12

Just ask her what happened no? If a dog jumped up pawing or nearly snapping at my face when I was hugging a child I would flick them away as a reflex reaction

Furries · 27/12/2021 23:22

@Feetupteashot

Just ask her what happened no? If a dog jumped up pawing or nearly snapping at my face when I was hugging a child I would flick them away as a reflex reaction
Flicking does not result in a dog shaking its head and sneezing.

FML, the amount of people who seem to be able to explain away a very obvious sign of a dog being hit is incredible. And then, by some, followed up with things along the lines of “it’s an animal, not a child, they need to know their place”. I’m paraphrasing, but the intention behind the words amount to this.

It is not bloody ok. Full stop.

Positive reinforcement is the best tool possible.

Furries · 27/12/2021 23:23

@Feetupteashot

Just ask her what happened no? If a dog jumped up pawing or nearly snapping at my face when I was hugging a child I would flick them away as a reflex reaction
And what on earth has made you decide that the dog was snapping?
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 23:24

@Feetupteashot

Just ask her what happened no? If a dog jumped up pawing or nearly snapping at my face when I was hugging a child I would flick them away as a reflex reaction
Another poster making their own story up. Christ on a bike.
Furries · 27/12/2021 23:25

Just to say, sort of sorry to those I’ve responded to. Am not singling you out specifically, am just responding to the more recent posts I read and using them, but my responses apply to numerous other posts.

Furries · 27/12/2021 23:32

OP - you definitely need to find an opportunity to speak to MIL re boundaries around your family and pets.

My mum bopped my dog on the nose at Christmas. Dog was around 1.5 years old - but giant breed, they mature more slowly. Dog had sniffed a bowl of crisps - made no move to eat them. Mum smacked her to make sure she didn’t try to go for them. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was never to do that again.

TheGrinchsDog · 28/12/2021 02:16

@Mezmer

Who exactly are supposed to be men-trolls?
There was an obvious incel on another posters thread a few days ago, can't remember their name but they were rightly banned for spewing their vile views. They walk amoung us!
stillvicarinatutu · 28/12/2021 17:54

I have just one question.

Those that are defending the actions of the visitor.

Do you advocate that visitors to your home can do whatever they like if they see fit because they are the visitor?
I'm asking if you would tolerate them hitting your children because that's their way ?
Would you tolerate them behaving in any manner because they choose to despite it being your home not theirs ?
Genuinely interested. My home is mine and people can choose to accept how I behave in my space or leave . I'm an animal lover so my dogs behave how I see fit in my home - I don't take them to other peoples houses and expect the same and I wouldn't expect people to try and dictate how I run my home either .

SoniaFouler · 28/12/2021 22:04

@stillvicarinatutu

I have just one question.

Those that are defending the actions of the visitor.

Do you advocate that visitors to your home can do whatever they like if they see fit because they are the visitor?
I'm asking if you would tolerate them hitting your children because that's their way ?
Would you tolerate them behaving in any manner because they choose to despite it being your home not theirs ?
Genuinely interested. My home is mine and people can choose to accept how I behave in my space or leave . I'm an animal lover so my dogs behave how I see fit in my home - I don't take them to other peoples houses and expect the same and I wouldn't expect people to try and dictate how I run my home either .

I don’t think people are defending her per se, it just seems unlikely it happened the way it’s described in the OP. Especially when the OP didn’t see it and keeps changing/adding to the story. It’s not reliable. I personally don’t think she hit the dog as was described.
petitebabe · 28/12/2021 22:10

Hi Guys

Older Mum to 2 great kids. Both own their own homes. One a Police Officer and one a child care provider. My daughter is pregnant and due in March. My Son is a come out gay with an amazing partner. People react to certain situations especially Gay Police Officers. My son since he was tiny said ....... I want to keep the peace...... meaning Police.... bless him. He was working at Aldi while he trained as a Special and worked for many years. Then he decided to become a full time copper. Along process then so proud of him he did it. Again my daughter is the most kindest little madam (always was when she was little) lol. She always says her mind and I love that. My kids are great. Next post my Mum and Dad who are amazing.... Love them.

Mydogmylife · 28/12/2021 22:54

@Member869894

I would have hit the dog on its nose if itaD jumped.up on me and kittens.land on their feet so it wouldn't bother me. Not so impressed with the way she spoke to your dd though
I would've asked you to leave my house