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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 21:26

Yes I did think I'd get a comment along the lines of my dog deserved it.
He didn't. He's in training, he is 1, and I didn't 'let him' jump up. We all have to be firm and kind with him and get him to behave properly.
She was not scared. She is not a person who ever gets scared to be honest. She is an ex-nurse she is utterly no-nonsense, old school, stiff upper lip and takes no prisoners on any account.

OP posts:
reallyworriedjobhunter · 26/12/2021 21:28

Bloody hell. She sounds awful.

CheshireKitten123 · 26/12/2021 21:28

@GCAcademic

She wouldn’t have set foot in my house again after the kitten incident.
I agree
Bluntness100 · 26/12/2021 21:28

My father in law once hit my dog. It was the first and last time he did it.

I came down stairs in the morning and the dog was cowering under the kitchen table and shaking, I rushed over and hugged him and said god what’s wrong with the dog, I was so confused, and my father in law said “ I hit him” just like that, he just said it, I hit him.

I was so utterly shocked to my core, I just stayed there kneeling on the floor holding my dog and said to him “you don’t ever ever hit my dog, you never ever hit my dog again” in both utter utter shock and total disgust.

As I was kneeling there, ,my husband came into the kitchen and I said, in front of his dad “ your dad hit our dog” . He was equally shocked,. We both just stared at him. My brother in law and his wife then came down, and I said to them, again In front of fil, he hit the dog. Again we all just looked at him aghast.

The dog was an abused rescue who we had spent a lot of time making sure he felt safe round humans, and everyone knew it, so to hit and hurt the dog was doubly cruel. And that’s why we were all so appalled. And the dog was terrified, shaking and hiding,

Tell her it’s not ok, or fuck her off for ever.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 26/12/2021 21:28

I would have shown her the door there and then. How long her drive had been is irrelevant.

HangingOutWithTheSandman · 26/12/2021 21:29

What a cunt. She wouldn’t be seeing me, kids or our animals ever again.

A relative told us that we should hit our dogs on the nose to teach them to behave. We don’t see that person anymore.

Protect your children and animals from her.

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 21:31

@Bluntness100

My father in law once hit my dog. It was the first and last time he did it.

I came down stairs in the morning and the dog was cowering under the kitchen table and shaking, I rushed over and hugged him and said god what’s wrong with the dog, I was so confused, and my father in law said “ I hit him” just like that, he just said it, I hit him.

I was so utterly shocked to my core, I just stayed there kneeling on the floor holding my dog and said to him “you don’t ever ever hit my dog, you never ever hit my dog again” in both utter utter shock and total disgust.

As I was kneeling there, ,my husband came into the kitchen and I said, in front of his dad “ your dad hit our dog” . He was equally shocked,. We both just stared at him. My brother in law and his wife then came down, and I said to them, again In front of fil, he hit the dog. Again we all just looked at him aghast.

The dog was an abused rescue who we had spent a lot of time making sure he felt safe round humans, and everyone knew it, so to hit and hurt the dog was doubly cruel. And that’s why we were all so appalled. And the dog was terrified, shaking and hiding,

Tell her it’s not ok, or fuck her off for ever.

That's so sad that it has previously been abused and was hit again.
OP posts:
MondeoFan · 26/12/2021 21:31

I used to have a friend and when she came round my dog used to run up to her to say hello. She used to tell him to go away. "Go away Buster"
In an aggressive tone.
We aren't friends

SoniaFouler · 26/12/2021 21:33

@LilyTheMink

Yes I did think I'd get a comment along the lines of my dog deserved it. He didn't. He's in training, he is 1, and I didn't 'let him' jump up. We all have to be firm and kind with him and get him to behave properly. She was not scared. She is not a person who ever gets scared to be honest. She is an ex-nurse she is utterly no-nonsense, old school, stiff upper lip and takes no prisoners on any account.
You think nurses can’t be scared of dogs? How do you know she wasn’t scared? Did you ask her?

And I’m sorry but I hate all this “we” business with dogs, no “we” don’t have to let dogs jump all over us just because you don’t mind.

Clarice99 · 26/12/2021 21:35

OP, your MIL is a cunt. I wouldn't care how long her journey was, she'd be shown the door immediately.

@Bluntness100 - that's so awful, your poor dog Sad

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 21:35

I've never ever seen her scared or heard her speak about being scared ever. I suppose it's possible....
I do agree about annoying dogs and not wanting them to jump all over us (which was not actually happening). Regardless, don't hit the dog?

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 26/12/2021 21:36

But you don’t KNOW she hit the dog. Why didn’t the dog yelp or bark or make any noise if it had just been hit? My guess is she pushed him down/away and the children took that as “she just hit him” when she didn’t

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 26/12/2021 21:38

My year old ddog was hit in the face. Tbh she never recovered.. She became aggressive and reactive. And she didn't like men after that. Your ddog wil ime need a lot of patience and love to rebuild trust.
And your mil should never cross your step again.

LesLavandes · 26/12/2021 21:39

I don't like dogs jumping up around me. You should not let that happen with guests.

SnowdropSally · 26/12/2021 21:39

She’d have been asked to leave immediately, I don’t give a flying fuck if she had a long drive or not - my house, my rules. Personally, I wouldn’t break breath to her again if she’d hit my dog. I have zero tolerance for abuse of animals. Smack her nose and see how she likes it! My mother came one Christmas and was helping me feed the horses, she smacked one of my horses over the face with rubber gloves as she wouldn't move back from the stable door so she could put the feed in, that horse was head shy for a good few weeks after that. I picked the gloves up and asked her if she’d like me to smack her in the face with them. When I got back to the house I asked her to leave, she spent that Christmas and many more alone, I will not have anyone who hits animals in my home.

espressomartiniweeny · 26/12/2021 21:39

Not everyone loves dogs or wants them jumping up though. Did you acknowledge this and try and correct the behaviour or let the dog keep jumping? It can be quite scary to be pounced on and clawed at if you aren't really an animal lover.

TwinkleToppy · 26/12/2021 21:40

The dogs shakes its head and sneezes (or that type of behaviour) because it's stressed.

That is awful, if someone did that to my dog I would be livid and they wouldn't be welcome in my house.

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 26/12/2021 21:40

Maybe the kids exaggerated a push into a hit. Regardless, OP has witnessed her MIL being cruel to a pet before. She's also been harsh with her own grandchildren.

I'd keep a closer eye on her and be only too eager to reduce contact if she continues this way.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 26/12/2021 21:40

Why did you not kick her out? Who cares how long she's traveled?! Anyone ever touches my pets I would literally kick their arses all the to their car. @Bluntness100 that's so sad. What a cunt your FIL is. Makes my blood boil.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/12/2021 21:40

Can't believe people are arguing with OP about what happened in her own home and verified by her own DC!

OP if she was my mil she'd never set foot in my house again. And talking to your DD like that was out of line too.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 26/12/2021 21:40

@espressomartiniweeny

Not everyone loves dogs or wants them jumping up though. Did you acknowledge this and try and correct the behaviour or let the dog keep jumping? It can be quite scary to be pounced on and clawed at if you aren't really an animal lover.
This isn’t the point.
SnowdropSally · 26/12/2021 21:41

@LesLavandes

I don't like dogs jumping up around me. You should not let that happen with guests.
That does not give anyone a reason to lift their hands to animals.
ED81 · 26/12/2021 21:41

Definitely don’t hit the dog! The dog is still learning. The people who are saying the dog shouldn’t be jumping - this is a given and the @LilyTheMink is agreeing but that certainly doesn’t give the MIL the right to hit/tap/push the dog. Turn your back away from the dog if anything!

Don’t use violence.
Sorry to hear this has happened. If it happens again I would say to her then.xx

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 21:41

@SoniaFouler

But you don’t KNOW she hit the dog. Why didn’t the dog yelp or bark or make any noise if it had just been hit? My guess is she pushed him down/away and the children took that as “she just hit him” when she didn’t
I know he had hit his nose as that is why he was shaking it and sneezing repeatedly. And my kids saw her.

If I'd seen her do it I think I might have gone postal. I guess the ambiguity was why I didn't, but on the balance of probability, I don't think I am a million miles away from what happened.

OP posts:
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/12/2021 21:42

@LesLavandes

I don't like dogs jumping up around me. You should not let that happen with guests.
Doesn't give anyone the right to hit an animal. And it's the dog's home, if the mil doesn't like it she doesn't need to bother visiting. I don't pander to people who visit my home, they're free to leave if they don't like my dogs.