Mil hit the dog

[LilyTheMink]

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

[Prescottdanni123]

@fallfallfall

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose?
sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.

@fallfallfall

Have you ever had a dog before? Where did you find the suggestion to knee a dog in their belly and push them backwards? That sounds like something from a 1940s dog training manual. A one year old dog is still a puppy. Young and daft and very excitable. And young, daft, excitable puppies do things that they are not supposed to do, like jump up. It takes a while for a dog to become fully trained and you need to have patience with them. There are far better ways of dealing with a dog that is jumping up than smacking them.

[BringBackThinEyebrows]

@SoniaFouler

But you don’t KNOW she hit the dog. Why didn’t the dog yelp or bark or make any noise if it had just been hit? My guess is she pushed him down/away and the children took that as “she just hit him” when she didn’t

I've witnessed an incident where a dog was hit hard by a man- the dog didn't make a sound. Why are people assuming the dog would have made a noise?

If anyone harmed my pets they would never see me again.

[Pixxie7]

Hitting the dog is a definite no from me. As far as your daughter is concerned she definitely could have handled it better ie. I know you don’t really want to but could you wear the jumper for a couple of hours or just whilst we have dinner, just to please him.

[PieMistee]

@cocktailclub

Everyone who says kick MIL out, this is the grandmother of their children and mother of the DH. Surely you don't end a relationship like that without trying to repair it first?
She hit the dog but doesn't sound like she cruelly beat it : btw I am a dog lover and wouldn't hit a dog but I would be prepared to educate a family member about how to deal with the dogs behaviour instead. Sounds like she was misguided.
And the kitten issue again not great but could be fixed with a discussion and directly asking her not to.

I think there's been a huge leap from some unwelcome behaviour which is not animal
Cruelty as such but not the correct way to deal with animals and throwing mil out.

Calling the dd selfish is also out of order but really would she be deliberately horrible or believe she is helping

I know a lot of Mumsnetters hate mils but a lot of you will also be mil one day and perhaps would appreciate a different approach to the things you will do that will annoy your dil

Well said

[fallfallfall]

@Prescottdanni123 dog owner for decades with multiple breeds and fully understand how people will smack a dog on the nose, or put up their knee for a jumping dog.
i don't resort to those techniques but certainly would understand how someone else might.

[DownWhichOfLate]

It’s young and excitable. You should have had it shut in another room whilst your mil arrived, then slowly and calmly introduced them. Presuming they may have not even met before given age, distance, covid etc.

[FuckeryIsAfoot]

You're wondering if you would be unreasonable to not let her come back if she ever shows aggression towards your pets again?
YABU for not manhandling the bitch out the door the moment your kids told you what she did. She is an animal abuser and has no business being around animals or children.

What is wrong with people!?

[SnowdropSally]

[quote fallfallfall]@Prescottdanni123 dog owner for decades with multiple breeds and fully understand how people will smack a dog on the nose, or put up their knee for a jumping dog.
i don't resort to those techniques but certainly would understand how someone else might.[/quote]
Poor show if you allow anyone to smack your dog. It says all I need to know about you.

[Poppinjay]

I don't like dogs jumping up around me. You should not let that happen with guests.

Young dogs need to be taught this. They don't just know automatically that people don't like it. The OP had already addressed it once, i.e. she is teaching him not to do it.

The fact that he did it again while the OP's back was turned does not justify the MIL hitting him.

It's vile thing to do to a dog and a worse thing to do in front of the children.

OP, you or your DH need to speak frankly to your MIL about this. You cannot take a risk on her doing it again.

She also needs to be told that she must not say anything else to your DC that she wouldn't say in front of you.

She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

[RoyalFamilyFan]

You cant flick a kitten off a table. Do you mean she pushed a kitten off the table? Presumably, because the kitten is not allowed on a table?
That is not animal cruelty.

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

5 hour drive or not, anyone who treated my animal like that would be leaving. No, dogs shouldn’t jump up but they have to learn and the MIL had no right to mete out punishment like that.

I am insistent on good manners from my animals but I will - and have - step in to protect them from people who feel entitled to behave like this towards them.

[KeyLimePies]

I find the number of people minimising aggression towards pets really depressing.

[OhWhyNot]

Totally over the too (and absolute nonsense response) on here

Next time shut dog away until it calms down and the comment to your daughter isn’t going to damage her so what a grandparent pulls up a grandchild and you have a different opinion

Stop getting so uptight and looking for reasons to create a drama

[FictionalCharacter]

What’s with all the people saying that despite the fact the kids saw her hit the dog, she can’t have done because he would have yelped? Dogs don’t necessarily make a noise unless they’re badly hurt.
Knocking a kitten off a table, hitting the dog, being nasty to your child? Nope, she wouldn’t be welcome in my house again. Unless dh had a stern word and she agreed never to do anything like this again.

[SoniaFouler]

@RoyalFamilyFan

You cant flick a kitten off a table. Do you mean she pushed a kitten off the table? Presumably, because the kitten is not allowed on a table?
That is not animal cruelty.

Exactly. Things aren’t making sense in this thread. I think OP is not describing what happened properly, and didn’t see the incident with the dog so is basing it on her children’s words who may have said “hit” instead of “lightly pushed”

[FuckeryIsAfoot]

@RoyalFamilyFan

You cant flick a kitten off a table. Do you mean she pushed a kitten off the table? Presumably, because the kitten is not allowed on a table?
That is not animal cruelty.

She doesn't get to decide if a kitten is allowed on the table or not in someone else's home.

[Gretaburley]

My dm hit my dog once.
I went ballistic at her.
I explained that we were using positive reinforcement to train ddog.
Tbf she got the message.

Your mil sounds like a sly, nasty piece of work.

[FictionalCharacter]

@KeyLimePies I agree.

[Astrak]

Such behaviour towards any animal in my house would ensure that the perpetrator never set foot in it ever again. Nasty bully.

[NowEvenBetter]

It shows a disturbing entire lack empathy and something deeply wrong when people condone animal abuse. All you pro-animal abusers are reprehensible, there’s no justification for your vile-and wrong-opinion.

Get the animal abuser out of your house, how many more chances are you going to give her to abuse your pets, ffs. Get your husband to remove her and inform her that due to her repeated attacks on your pets she’s unwelcome to be around your kids (what’s stopping her attacking them?) or pets. No need to even make a thread about it, surely.

[TheCreamCaker]

Animals should never be hit, not by anyone. I'd have been bloody furious. She sounds like a nasty old cow. As for telling your daughter she's selfish, that's not on, either. I certainly wouldn't shut the dog away - it's his home, and she's the intruder. I wouldn't invite her again.

My (late) MIL was similar, a rather unpleasant woman.

[Mezmer]

What level of pressure are we talking about? Are we taking a punch to the head or a shove out the way? There is a big difference.

[Prescottdanni123]

@fallfallfall

Like you, I have been a dog owner for decades and had various breeds. I've never had to use physical punishment or make them scared of me to get them to behave. I'd never be alright with anyone else doing it either. It is either going to cause more behavioural problems in the future or just make the dog scared of you. Thankfully times have progressed and now, in the 21sr century, more and more people are turning their backs on this kind of dog handling.

[dropthevipers]

Sweeping a kitten off the table would be the last thing you ever did in my house. The rest just confirms that she is a nasty piece of work.

[DrSbaitso]

@RoyalFamilyFan

You cant flick a kitten off a table. Do you mean she pushed a kitten off the table? Presumably, because the kitten is not allowed on a table?
That is not animal cruelty.

Yes it is. And so is hitting a dog. And making children cry for no good reason is pretty shitty too. And if you're a grown adult who needs to be told these things, I don't want you in my house. I really don't care if you're my MIL, you're a cruel, unfeeling fuck and I don't want you and I won't have you.