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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
LilyTheMink · 27/12/2021 14:25

@GrannytoaUnicorn

I bloody knew it! I knew as soon as OP said "He doesn't jump up" that someone would come along and say "Why are you letting your dog jump up at people....."

Classic MN 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The stupid thing is, so did I!
OP posts:
GrannytoaUnicorn · 27/12/2021 14:32

@Dancingonmoonlight

This happened to us during the summer. The dog was out in the garden and our dog was playing and running around. I saw BIL smack him. I was disgusted. There had been a couple of infrequent occasions where BIL had overstepped the mark and given out to one of our DC but I had never witnessed it myself. Hitting our dog told me an awful lot about BIL and the type of person he is. Sister has offered to look after dog when we go on hols but I would never trust her DH with our dog again. We keep a very close eye on dog and ensure dog is never alone with BIL when they visit.
You still allow this monster around your Dog & kids? Wow. Majorly judging you right now, I must say.
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 14:36

And yes sometimes kids are selfish and it is okay to say this.

No, it's not. I believe in body autonomy from a young age. It's how we teach our children that their feelings and opinions on optional things directly related to them count.

Good lord I'm so glad I don't have to deal with people like some of these posters irl! They wouldn't last 2 minutes around my kids and dogs with these kinds of attitudes!

Magicalmattressesinthesnow · 27/12/2021 14:46

She would be out on her neck if she hit my dogs .

Deisogn · 27/12/2021 15:36

It was a fairly daft thing to do to teach the dog to jump up and 'join in' when people are creating each other....if you really want to teach this behaviour I'd teach the dog to do it only on command. But it's really not ideal. Two kids wrestling could be seen as hugging and the dog could 'join in' and scare the crap out of them if they don't like dogs. I think you've done a very silly thing in teaching the dog it's acceptable to jump up at people who are hugging. Most people won't expect a dog to 'join in' a hug and be fairly startled by it.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 27/12/2021 15:43

It's no trouble, dogs need no training to join in 😆

We never saw the problem, it's fine for us. So we concentrated on making that natural behaviour something done on command/ permission. Now we know he probably won't do it unless permitted. That's how training works, you shape natural behaviours.

At one year old OPs dog is about ready for the next stage... Finding a signal for permission that the dog will accept.

Far better than always shooting "no!" which just becomes meaningless noise.

Pugdogmom · 27/12/2021 15:44

My puppy is learning " 4 feet on the floor". He gets praised and attention for having his paws on the floor, but I keep him on a lead until he is calm enough to greet visitors.
I also have a rescue dog that I have done a LOT of work with, who saw hands as a danger and would growl if a hand moved too quickly in his face. With training and counter conditioning, he has learned that hands deliver positive things. Someone who hit him in the face, could potentially have undone a LOT of training.

Just never hit a dog, especially one you aren't familiar with.

WinniesHunny · 27/12/2021 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BulldogDrummondBass · 27/12/2021 16:39

My grandmother repeatedly told me I was selfish. I thought that’s what grandmothers were for!

Can kids not have unkind behaviour pointed out to them?

sherryoclock · 27/12/2021 16:39

Having spent xmas in somebody's home where their dog repeatedly jumped on me (razor blades for nails, im covered in scratches) i do feel a bit Sorry for your MIL

I doubt she caused major pain to the dog. More a reaction. I mean did she punch it full on or tap it/push it?

derxa · 27/12/2021 16:46

What a load of old rubbish

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 17:01

Mother in laws. Animals. Kids. Christmas. Peri-menopausal women. What could possibly go wrong? Grin

AndAnotherNewOne · 27/12/2021 17:06

I can't understand why people are so enervated by someone pushing a dog away or giving it a tap on the nose when its behaviour is unacceptable. If you can't stop your dog jumping up keep it in another room.

It's a dog not a child. You can't sit it down and explain why its behaviour is unacceptable.

OP didn't say it was a hard smack. Difficult to do in the position MiL was in.

Some very silly replies on this thread. Maybe drink was taken.

saltandherbsandnothingnice · 27/12/2021 17:13

Some people are hard and don't know how to show love. Maybe start a convo and give her a chance to say she didn't mean to or regrets it? She might do but not know how to say it. Or she might not. I wouldn't just chuck her out like you're being advised but you could lay down lovingly some hard boundaries like don't hit my dog or be rude to my children? Difficult situation. Good luck!

Furries · 27/12/2021 17:17

@SoniaFouler

Well a table is where they eat so if they are all sitting down at the table then it’s very likely plates and cutlery were already set out, and possibly food. The kitten could have been hissing and trying to scratch her for all we know, and for all OP knows, she probably wasn’t looking during that incident either. I just think it’s very easy to be caught up in all of this “mil FLICKED my cat off the table” = that doesn’t even make sense, how can you flick a cat from a table? We all know what a flick is. And then when the inevitable “well, I didn’t actually mean flick ” comes it’s like oh, right, well what else did you say that you didn’t actually mean then?
You really are just making shit up know. Your reaction to this thread is really weird.
FruitMelange · 27/12/2021 17:24

Not to say she should hit him but surely a dog would help or cry out if had been hit? I think she probably just pushed him away, which I would have done if a dog jumped on me

Agree. A push down, a kid might think was a hit. Dogs yelp if actually hurt.

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 17:27

@Furries that’s just the point: everyone is filling in the gaps of this story with their own narrative to suit whatever suits their current mood.

Let’s get the dog on and ask it what it thinks to settle things once and for all.

Terfydactyl · 27/12/2021 17:30

@FruitMelange

Not to say she should hit him but surely a dog would help or cry out if had been hit? I think she probably just pushed him away, which I would have done if a dog jumped on me

Agree. A push down, a kid might think was a hit. Dogs yelp if actually hurt.

Not all dogs yelp when hurt.
Chasingaftermidnight · 27/12/2021 17:35

For fuck’s sake - the children said MIL hit the dog and the dog was acting in the way he acts when he’s hit his nose. On balance I’d say it’s pretty likely she hit him on the nose. I know exactly the behaviour the OP is talking about when she talks about him sneezing and shaking his head - dogs don’t necessarily yelp or bark when hurt.

blacksax · 27/12/2021 17:49

I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone let their unruly dog jump up at me like that, and I'd have probably smacked it one on the nose too.

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 17:51

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

Fair enough too. In your household. In my household, feline loving, one cat household, the cat's waterglass is on the table, and if you unceremoniously told her to push off, you'd be unceremoniously told to fuck off.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 17:52

Let alone if you did physically push her off. . .

MissMaple82 · 27/12/2021 17:53

I'd be flicking her ass out my door

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 17:55

@mbosnz fair enough your house. But I cant stand cats walking over surfaces where food is prepared, or trying to stick their noses in plates of food or drinks.