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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:46

[quote Mezmer]@mbosnz my post was not aimed at you particularly.

@RoyalFamilyFan usually such people pick their targets like bullies generally do. The MIL is an easy one I guess.[/quote]
I didn't think it was - I was answering 'generally' speaking, as one of those most probably included in the 'general' musing!

I love my MIL, and we've had good Christmases with them, especially the ones we hosted. But they've always know, as have my family that there are lines in the sand - how you treat kids, how you treat animals, how you treat each other. For example, click your fingers at me for a refill of the wine we have provided and paid for, and that's the last refill you'll get from me that day. . . Grin.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 27/12/2021 18:47

What is wrong with people? Your poor husband he should get to whack you too since you sound vile!

Dogs are not humans. They’re animals. No matter how much they’re part of your family they remain animals. I think certain people are projecting human behaviours and emotions onto animals.

Isn’t it a little silly to suggest my husband ‘should get to whack’ me simply because our dog is trained not to jump up at visitors and would be reprimanded if he did so? My dog knows his place in the household, and knows invited guests aren’t playthings for him to stand up against or climb on.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:47

Oh, and that wasn't the MIL, lol.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/12/2021 18:48

@LakieLady

Depending on the breed this could be a really sizeable dog and that can be quite scary for people who don’t like dogs

People who are scared of dogs aren't obliged to visit people who have dogs.

I'm bird phobic. I don't visit people who have uncaged birds.

Do you know many people who have in aged birds? 🤔
92miles · 27/12/2021 18:48

This is probably a bit out there for most people but I always think that anyone that can hit a dog in the way you describe can easily fall into hitting a child who is deemed to be 'misbehaving'.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 18:49

I remember my gran (dads mum) being mean to one of my siblings one Christmas. She'd barely been in the house 5 minutes before she started calling him a brat for crying over something. My dad got her coat and took her home straight away.

People DO eject people from their homes.

I've had to do it with my exh many, many times for numerous things. I won't stand for people who come into my home and cannot respect the people (and animals) in it.

An no, I don't watch Eastenders.

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 27/12/2021 18:52

@blacksax

I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone let their unruly dog jump up at me like that, and I'd have probably smacked it one on the nose too.

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

Aw I would never push a cat off, surely just lift it down especially a tiny kitten?
I wouldn't hit a dog either mind but it does sound like a very bad mannered dog.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:52

@92miles if a teenager attacked me, I would push them away or do what I had to defend myself.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:54

I have pushed cats off work surfaces. You cant always lift all cats up. Some scratch.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:54

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@92miles if a teenager attacked me, I would push them away or do what I had to defend myself.[/quote]
What about a two or three year old?

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:55

@RoyalFamilyFan

I have pushed cats off work surfaces. You cant always lift all cats up. Some scratch.
I hope they were your work surfaces, and your cat, lol.
92miles · 27/12/2021 18:55

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@92miles if a teenager attacked me, I would push them away or do what I had to defend myself.[/quote]
Ummm... right !?!

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:57

@mbosnz of course not a toddler. A toddler pushed away could be really hurt.
And no not my cat or my worksurfaces. But a cat about to eat food left out.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:58

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@mbosnz of course not a toddler. A toddler pushed away could be really hurt.
And no not my cat or my worksurfaces. But a cat about to eat food left out.[/quote]
Good to know you have some boundaries. . .

alwayswrighty · 27/12/2021 18:58

@92miles

I'll go one further. There is a direct link between acts of cruelty to animals and domestic violence to humans.

I'm not saying this is what is happening here but there has been research into it and there is direct correlation.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:59

It wasnt my cat or my worksurfaces.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:59

FFS pushing a jumping dog away is not animal cruelty. Yes if you torture or beat a dog that is linked to domestic violence.

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 19:09

@mbosnz I think we’re on the same page. Clear boundaries are good.

I guess I’m still a bit sore that I was called ‘an evil monster’ earlier up thread for expressing the opinion that OP should give MIL the benefit of the doubt.

We have posters on this thread talking about levels of abuse in that smacking a dog could lead to smacking a child. Yet the same people cannot see that calling a stranger on the internet a ‘vile, nasty bitch’ is also a precursor to something more serious.

It just proves that for many people abuse is okay so long as they are able to justify it to themselves whether that is smacking a dog on the nose because it’s jumped up or verbally abusing a stranger on the internet for communicating an alternative opinion.

It does my head in.

Terfydactyl · 27/12/2021 19:10

@RoyalFamilyFan

FFS pushing a jumping dog away is not animal cruelty. Yes if you torture or beat a dog that is linked to domestic violence.
Where is the line? Exactly where. Please do elaborate.
mbosnz · 27/12/2021 19:13

I think MIL should be given a steadily diminishing 'benefit of the doubt'! Because she has patterns of behaviour, that she can justify to herself, and no doubt others, but that are disrespecting the rules of her son, DIL, and their children and animal's house.

At some point, she's going to have gone the length of her rope, with or without notice, and that's going to be that. For her, and for them.

Some folks never saw a boundary that they didn't absolutely have to kick into the ground, and then complain when the electric fence on the way out got them a good one.

92miles · 27/12/2021 19:17

Personally, I'd be raging if I had seen (or been told) that my ex MIL had hit my dog on the nose.

I would immediately remove myself and my dog from her company. If she was in my house, I would tell her to leave immediately.

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 19:24

@mbosnz but would you unceremoniously push her out the door and banish her for good whilst calling your DP a vile nasty bastard because he appealed to your softer side for a bit of clemency?

No, because you sound like a nice rational person unlike so many other people in this thread who would not even grant the woman a chance to give her side.

No wonder there are so many bleeding heart threads on MN.

LakieLady · 27/12/2021 19:26

Assuming you mean "uncaged birds" @MyrtlethePurpleTurtle, I've met at least half a dozen. A friend has several small parrots whose cages are left open most of the time she's home, so they can fly about, another friend has a fuck-off huge macaw, BIL's mother has budgies that are allowed to fly about, a friend of a friend has 2 African grey parrots that he will not shut away, a neighbour has two pretty green birds with rosy cheeks (lovebirds?) and I was once allocated a client with a mynah (?sp) bird that was generally loose.

I swapped the bird-owning client with another member of the team who was an arachnophobe and had been allocated a client with loads of pet spiders in tanks.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 19:26

Erm, I dunno. It depends. It really does. Because it sounds like there's very little trust or respect in the relationship, on either side. I mean, combine the animal issues with the child issues. . .

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 19:26

@92miles

Personally, I'd be raging if I had seen (or been told) that my ex MIL had hit my dog on the nose.

I would immediately remove myself and my dog from her company. If she was in my house, I would tell her to leave immediately.

Perfectly illustrated and right on time.