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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
Terfydactyl · 27/12/2021 17:56

@blacksax

I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone let their unruly dog jump up at me like that, and I'd have probably smacked it one on the nose too.

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

My cat is fed on the worktop for reasons. I would unceremoniously push you out of my house if you pushed my cat. Dont be a dick in other peoples houses, you dont have the right to choose what their own animals are allowed to do. If the way they live upsets you, dont visit. I'm sure itll be no ones loss.
mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:03

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@mbosnz fair enough your house. But I cant stand cats walking over surfaces where food is prepared, or trying to stick their noses in plates of food or drinks.[/quote]
Which is why work surfaces are cleaned everyday, and very weirdly, this strange cat has never wished to investigate any food that is ours, nor stuck her face in any drink but her water glass.

I'm aware that to many people cats on surfaces is shocking, but I'm afraid that my mother gave in with her cat, and I've given in to mine!

I'm very happy for people to decline to be in our house or to eat or drink in our house, if they have a problem with that. I just make sure they know they'll have one hell of a fucking problem if they try to chastise our cat for doing what we let her do in our home.

stillvicarinatutu · 27/12/2021 18:03

So now we're saying the kids were lying , the dogs reaction wasn't to be trusted and people can do whatever they like if they are a guest in YOUR home ?

God I'm so glad I live alone . Op you have my sympathies against this mob . It's your house - remember that . Your kids and trout pets can do what the hell they like in your house. The guests can't .

stillvicarinatutu · 27/12/2021 18:04

Oh and if the guest doesnt like it they know where the door is dont they . !

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:06

@mbosnz I have rarely been in a house where cats are allowed in work surfaces where the hygiene is good enough. Cleaning worksurfaces every day if you cook every day is a very basic thing to do. I do that and have no animals on worktops.
I will eat in places with not great hygiene as I have a cast-iron stomach. My DP does not and always gets ill.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:08

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@mbosnz I have rarely been in a house where cats are allowed in work surfaces where the hygiene is good enough. Cleaning worksurfaces every day if you cook every day is a very basic thing to do. I do that and have no animals on worktops.
I will eat in places with not great hygiene as I have a cast-iron stomach. My DP does not and always gets ill.[/quote]
I'm sure you haven't, RoyalFamilyFan.

I'm actually known for, and have been castigated on MN, for my overzealous cleaning. But I'd be far happier for you and your DP not to eat in my house. And not because I'd be worried about your DP getting ill. I'm sure you'd be far happier too. Grin.

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 18:09

@blacksax

I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone let their unruly dog jump up at me like that, and I'd have probably smacked it one on the nose too.

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

You would have smacked it on the nose? Does your husband smack you on the nose when he doesn't like your behaviour? Should he?

Or maybe should everyone smack your kids if they're not behaving? God you're nasty

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:14

@Sunflowers095people dont tend to jump up at another person. But if you went to a house and their husband tried to jump up at you, I suspect you would do more than tap them on the nose.

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 18:15

@FateHasRedesignedMost

My entire home is my dogs space. When a visitor walks into my home they ARE in my dogs space. My dogs don't jump about now because they're older, but at 1yo they were still learning manners and went through a stage of jumping up at people

Your poor visitors, why did you permit jumping up at all?
A dog may live in a home but it’s still an animal and animals need boundaries. By letting it think it’s in charge of the entire home you’re putting visitors at risk, especially young children or people who are nervous of dogs.

There’s nothing wrong with a dog having its own ‘safe space’ and having free roam of the rest of the house, as long as it doesn’t see itself as superior to the owners or their guests.

Poor visitors? Get over yourself. It's almost like you can say "hey op Im scared of dogs can you close him in another room" before HITTING AN ANIMAL FOR NO REASON.

What is wrong with people? Your poor husband he should get to whack you too since you sound vile!

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 18:15

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@Sunflowers095people dont tend to jump up at another person. But if you went to a house and their husband tried to jump up at you, I suspect you would do more than tap them on the nose.[/quote]
It's not a husband though it's an excited dog with no intent to harm. Is that such a hard concept to grasp?

AndAnotherNewOne · 27/12/2021 18:16

You would have smacked it on the nose? Does your husband smack you on the nose when he doesn't like your behaviour? Should he?

Don't be silly. It's a dog not a human. Get a grip.

Or maybe should everyone smack your kids if they're not behaving? God you're nasty

And you sound unhinged. Dogs aren't children. Ridiculous.

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 18:17

It’d be very interesting to get the MIL’s take on this tale, the story has changed and has had drip feeds about five different times since the original post.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:18

@Sunflowers095 you are the one who compared a dog to a human. Yes you are right they are different, and therefore you treat them differently.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 18:19

@blacksax

I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone let their unruly dog jump up at me like that, and I'd have probably smacked it one on the nose too.

Also, speaking from a feline-loving, multi-cat household, cats do not belong on tables and need to be unceremoniously pushed off.

And you'd have been told on turn around and leave if you entered my house and hit my dog.
Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 18:21

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@Sunflowers095 you are the one who compared a dog to a human. Yes you are right they are different, and therefore you treat them differently.[/quote]
Yeah no a defenseless dog who is scared is no different to a child in this scenario. You just view animals as objects, that's it. No empathy, logic, common sense.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:24

Personally, I treat my dog in my house how I think it should be treated, and I expect others to do the same, and I treat somebody else's dog in their house, the way they think it should be treated.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:25

No not at all. I treat animals with kindness, but I would push away a dog jumping up on me.
In reality all my friends with dogs that are over excited by visitors control their dogs, so this never happens anyway.

ThePlumVan · 27/12/2021 18:28

So you know the dog jumps up on people, you told the dog not to jump, and then you left the disobedient dog to jump up again ?
Nobody wants someone else’s dog jumping up on them. I am a massive dog person, yet I would hate this.

The kitten incident would have been the last though. Why have you invited her back ?

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 18:35

I think some people have been watching waaaaay too much Eastenders over Christmas.

I do not believe for a second that Anyone on this thread would have the balls to instantly kick someone out of their house if they crossed the line in some way, without having the decency of having a discussion about it first.

It’s just show boating like all the perceived ‘strong’ empowered soap star types on TV. Head wobbling etc.

No one does that sort of stuff in real life.

Or, perhaps the ones that do indeed follow through and are that inflexible and autocratic are the same people who find themselves on the ‘Alone at Christmas’ thread each year wondering where it all went wrong.

It would explain a lot.

Chasingaftermidnight · 27/12/2021 18:35

Hitting dogs is also massively counterproductive from a training point of view.

mbosnz · 27/12/2021 18:37

Nope, never watch Eastenders. Have learned the hard way how to be firm and clear about the lines in the sand with my family though, both inlaws and my own.

Can happily have Christmas with them, as a result, if need be.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 18:39

@Mezmer I believe some people on MN would do this.
And there are lots of people in MN no contact with any family members and with no friends.

GuyFawkesDay · 27/12/2021 18:40

Pushing a dog away if it jumps up isn't the same as hitting it for doing so.

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 18:42

@mbosnz my post was not aimed at you particularly.

@RoyalFamilyFan usually such people pick their targets like bullies generally do. The MIL is an easy one I guess.

Member869894 · 27/12/2021 18:45

I would have hit the dog on its nose if itaD jumped.up on me and kittens.land on their feet so it wouldn't bother me. Not so impressed with the way she spoke to your dd though