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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:

Mezmer · 27/12/2021 12:54

This thread is getting do emotive. I think it’s list the point. Which is not if the MIL hit the dog etc, but what OP should do about it.

I di t think anyone or many people - including me - are justifying or would partake in hitting a dog or calling a kid selfish. What is up for debate is how OP now handles it.

I think you should confront her about it and lay down the rules giving her a chance to put things right. Then if she carries on you’ll have to keep her away from your home and family.

This whole kick her out and don’t let her back in with no conversation is just as abusive as her alleged behaviour towards your family. You can’t claim to be anti abuse and then participate in abuse yourself.

bettybadger · 27/12/2021 13:15

To me this sounds like a possible generational + personality issue. 'Back in the day' different behaviour was expected of children (they should obey adults unquestioningly) and physical punishments for kids and pets was the norm. Corporal punishment ended just as I started secondary school about 40 years ago but my older brothers were hit with a leather strap by the deputy head if they misbehaved - this would be unthinkable now!

So your MIL may well be stuck in the past and think she knows best and is perfectly ok to carry on behaving in her authoritarian manner with these old values.

You need to sit her down and explain to her politely but firmly that these methods of dealing with people and animals are no longer acceptable. She may try to argue her case but the bottom line is that you expect her to respect modern values around your family (including pets) otherwise she will be pulled up by you/your DH for her behaviour and possibly no longer welcome in your home.

If she is willing to accept this, it may still take some time for her to change her behaviour. Apply those same modern day training techniques as for your dog! Set clear boundaries and be firm. Don't be afraid to speak up straightaway if she does something wrong.

To me, a draconian punishment such as kicking her out of the house or going NC without even trying to communicate to her what she's doing wrong is as horrible as the mean punishments she is doling out and not a good example for your kids.

I hope you manage to get through to your MIL - good luck!

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 13:30

I am older. i never thought physical punishment for children or pets is okay. But I don't treat animals like babies either. Pushing a dog away is no big deal. I also don't think there is anything wrong with saying a child is being selfish if they are being.

iklboodolphrednosedpaindear · 27/12/2021 13:33

She didn't push the dog away. She hit it. A child not wanting to wear a Xmas jumper is not 'selfish'. She has enough autonomy to decide what to wear without her grandmother trying to guilt her into wearing something she doesn't want to.

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 13:35

Personally I still don’t think she hit the dog. I think it was a push or a light tap

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 13:36

@SoniaFouler

Personally I still don’t think she hit the dog. I think it was a push or a light tap

None of which is acceptable either so I don't know what your point is.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 13:37

@iklboodolphrednosedpaindear perhaps she hit the dog, perhaps she pushed it away. Children often say hit when adults would describe it a different way.
The OP and others are angry that the GM said the GC was selfish. Not the reason for saying that. We have no idea why the GM wanted the GC to wear that jumper so much. For a photo for example?

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 13:38

@RoyalFamilyFan

It's not selfish to not want to wear something ffs, the granny doesn't get to make her feel bad about herself over a bloody jumper!

And it wasn't a push, she hit the dogs nose. And not hitting a dog isn't 'babying' it ffs, it's respecting it as a living creature ffs.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 13:38

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange I am aghast at anyone who does not think pushing away a dog jumping up at them is acceptable.
I do think there is an issue with the increase in people who treat dogs like babies. They are not.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 13:39

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange perhaps she was being selfish, perhaps she was not. None of us know because OP has given no context.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 13:41

We have no idea why the GM wanted the GC to wear that jumper so much. For a photo for example?

So what? She still doesn't get to make the DD feel bad! Kids aren't accessories for photo shoots.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 13:41

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange I am aghast at anyone who does not think pushing away a dog jumping up at them is acceptable.
I do think there is an issue with the increase in people who treat dogs like babies. They are not.[/quote]
It's not babying a dog to treat it with respect and not hit it. How are you not getting that?

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 13:43

It's not babying a dog to treat it with respect and not hit it.

But nobody knows if the dog was hit. The OP doesn’t, she wasn’t looking.

redbigbananafeet · 27/12/2021 13:43

@LilyTheMink

I thought it was our of order and tried to get DH to acknowledge it. To his credit he did, there is a history of him telling me I'm imaging problems when it comes to my relations with his mother.

DH confronted her about the selfish comment. Her reply was that DD was being selfish, but DH stood his ground and reminded her to help boost DD up and not knock her down.

I tried to pointedly say "Let's all be kind to the dog shall we", but idk if she heard or cared.

"Let's all be kind to the dog"? She wouldn't have got her jacket off in my house. Hit my dog and get the duck out of my house.

happychristmasbum · 27/12/2021 13:47

I mean she drove 5 hours to get to us so I couldn't throw her out. But I have to make sure it doesn't happen again really

Sorry but this is bollocks. Anyone who hit my pet would be out of the front door so fast their feet wouldn't touch the ground.

How fucking dare she?

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 27/12/2021 13:49

@SoniaFouler

It's not babying a dog to treat it with respect and not hit it.

But nobody knows if the dog was hit. The OP doesn’t, she wasn’t looking.

Her kids said mil hit the dog. Funnily enough I don't automatically assume kids are lying.

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 13:52

Her kids said mil hit the dog. Funnily enough I don't automatically assume kids are lying.

I didn’t say lying but I think there may have been some misinterpretation. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

blossomingslowly · 27/12/2021 13:55

It wouldn't be unreasonable at all; if anyone in my family ever hit any of our pets I would be furious and would not speak to them again. If the dog was causing her so much of an issue she should've just said "I'm really sorry but can you move the dog away from me, him jumping up is too much". It's your home and your rules, I wouldn't allow her back. Anyone that hits animals is not someone I'd want around me 😞

Sillawithans · 27/12/2021 13:55

I would've tapped the dog on the nose also.

RoyalFamilyFan · 27/12/2021 13:57

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

We have no idea why the GM wanted the GC to wear that jumper so much. For a photo for example?

So what? She still doesn't get to make the DD feel bad! Kids aren't accessories for photo shoots.

I said we dont know. And yes sometimes kids are selfish and it is okay to say this.

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 27/12/2021 14:14

You've made the Daily Mail.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 27/12/2021 14:15

@Sillawithans

I would've tapped the dog on the nose also.

Why? That's where it's teeth are!!!

Madness!

GrannytoaUnicorn · 27/12/2021 14:19

I bloody knew it! I knew as soon as OP said "He doesn't jump up" that someone would come along and say "Why are you letting your dog jump up at people....."

Classic MN 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

GrannytoaUnicorn · 27/12/2021 14:22

@Bluntness100 Please pleeeeeease tell me you removed your FIL from the house immediately? please

Original poster

LilyTheMink · 27/12/2021 14:25

@HoseMeDownWithHollyWater

You've made the Daily Mail.

What? Where?

Can anyone going on about the fucking jumper also please read all my posts.

OP posts:

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