To be so embarrassed by my DP’s behaviour at the table

[Soembarrrrassed]

Christmas dinner at my mums this year. DP has been quite sulky not really joining in. Mum spent ages trying to make dinner perfect. He starts eating and says ‘sorry I’m going to have to spit this out it’s too fatty’, and almost spat it out at the table before I asked him to leave to do it. Then when everyone else was still eating, got up as soon as he was finished to go for a cigarette, leaving my family feeling really awkward. We’ve been together three years, it’s never happened before - AIBU to feel really embarrassed by this?

YABU to think his behaviour represents you. He is his own person that is responsible for his individual behaviour. If you don’t like how he acts then evaluate that, but don’t you take on the feeling of embarrassment.

@Soembarrrrassed if I were you, I would suggest you look at why you didn't notice how rude he was to your parents.

You appear to have overlooked his rudeness to your loved ones, but why?

In what ways is he so amazing, that you couldn't see his behaviour.

I am guessing all is not rosey away from dinner at your parents.

I wouldn’t let anyone treat my mother and family with such contempt and disrespect.

It’s v interesting that your DM took the opportunity to tell you that his behaviour has been noted before repeatedly.

You need to listen to her and act.

This isn’t about table manners - it’s much worse.

So your mother has noticed how rude he is, but you haven't ? Take the rose-coloured glasses off, he is rude and horrible.

@ShippingNews

So your mother has noticed how rude he is, but you haven't ? Take the rose-coloured glasses off, he is rude and horrible.

Precisely. I'm glad your mother finally said something.

You should be happy your mum said something. Time for a frank talk. Sounds like he has checked out.

No need to be embarrassed unless you don't do anything about it, or subject them to him in the future particularly as your mum has pointed out this isn't the first time.

Did he take his phone with him when he went out?

Is he behaving like this because there's somewhere he'd rather be?

Look out for the ⛳⛳⛳

How have you not noticed before??!!! He sounds like an arsehole, your poor mum!

OP what exactly do you get out of this relationship? Because he sounds like a vain, spoilt attention seeking wanker. Ask yourself if you'd be happier without him.

That's unforgivably rude IMO. How would he react if you behaved so rudely when a guest at his family home?

I don’t like the sound of him.

Rude, poor manners, ungracious, disrespectful to your parents - he'd be out the door here.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe

If you dont have children id have ended it anyway. I wouldnt date a smoker.

Neither would l. Takes over your life - sure l will get slated for that but the smokers l know are slaves to their next fag.

Hmm. Unacceptable behaviour IMO and your mum has seen this from him previously- do you really want to stay with him?

He sounds very ill mannered. If he’s done it before, I wonder why you’ve only just noticed ?

It was nothing more than a power play OP. its not about being rude or ungracious, its about him showing where he feels he stands with in your family. He is showing them he doesn't care if they get offended. Take heed of what he is showing you all.

There is not a chance in hell he hasn't displayed this kind or similar behaviour before now. Your mother has already clocked it.

Don’t give your kids a fag stinky boor for a Dad.

Horrible man.
Ditch him.

Vile behaviour, I’d be absolutely livid and he wouldn’t get away with it. Bin him off. Don’t degrade yourself to be with someone that acts so inappropriately, you deserve better

I'd put a rocket up his arse and tell him I dont give a shit why, but if he is EVER rude or disrepectful again to any of my family or friends he can fuck off. Terrible behaviour and zero tolerance for it.

If you dont have kids with him I'd seriously reconsider the relationship right now. Life it too short.

don't marry him, don't buy property with him, don't breed with him.

2022 fresh start. you and your family deserve much better than this.

I'd be mortified and reevaluate the relationship.

When you say out of character, do you mean he hasn’t done the exact same thing before or hasn’t behaved in a rude and boorish way before? How does your private apology help and why didn’t you push for him to apologise?

It seems very strange that you didn’t follow up on your Mums comments about his past behaviour. Let your embarrassment be a catalyst for removing the blinkers you’ve probably been wearing while with him.

Are you quite sure he hasn't been just as rude and disrespectful to you but you've not seen it for what it was or you've told yourself there was some kind of "valid" excuse for his poor behaviour?

Either way, it will not get any better and if he hasn't treated you with similar disrespect as yet, in time, he will. Someone who feels comfortable behaving in this way whilst enjoying their hosts' generous hospitality is an utter pig.