To be so embarrassed by my DP’s behaviour at the table

[Soembarrrrassed]

Christmas dinner at my mums this year. DP has been quite sulky not really joining in. Mum spent ages trying to make dinner perfect. He starts eating and says ‘sorry I’m going to have to spit this out it’s too fatty’, and almost spat it out at the table before I asked him to leave to do it. Then when everyone else was still eating, got up as soon as he was finished to go for a cigarette, leaving my family feeling really awkward. We’ve been together three years, it’s never happened before - AIBU to feel really embarrassed by this?

One way or another heed would never do that to my family ever again.

He sounds like a complete grunt.
Awful behaviour.

@LeedleLee

He was incredibly rude. Bizarre that he's never done anything like that before though. Sounds like he didn't really want to be there.

This

I would see this as a big red flag for your relationship.
If he can't be bothered to make an effort for your family, that says a lot about his level of respect for you. I would seriously re-evaluate. You don't want to be caught in the middle of your partner and your family in the future, especially if he is in the wrong and he will tell you you need to be on his side, he will separate you from them, and then in the end will treat you the same way....

Is he being badly behaved so you dump him?

Sometimes people misbehave to force their partner to dump them.

My mum said that he’s often gone off for a cigarette when they were still eating, made rude comments, never says please or thank you...

@Soembarrrrassed

My mum said that he’s often gone off for a cigarette when they were still eating, made rude comments, never says please or thank you...

He would be binned on that alone, I hate bad manners with a passion, your poor mum after going to all that trouble at Christmas.

I would be utterly mortified to have brought someone so rough and uncouth to my parents home.

Your poor mother being spoken to like that after her efforts.

I would be furious.

This is far more than bad manners! He sounds utterly awful. Your poor parents - no wonder you are mortified!

@Soembarrrrassed

My mum said that he’s often gone off for a cigarette when they were still eating, made rude comments, never says please or thank you...

And tiu never noticed any of this?

Does he say please and thank you to other people? You haven't noticed he leaves the table before people have finished? Never noticed his rude comments?

You need to get rid. Or if you decide you can accept the behaviour, don't force your Mum to put up with him and don't go to hers for Christmas again.

Honey moon period over.... he is showing his true colours.

Echoing pp who said he’s engineering a dumping so he doesn’t have to pull his finger out and do it himself.

I speak from experience.

LTB please do not waste anymore time with him. He has absolutely no regard for anyone else, what is he like with you? It doesn't sound good tbh.

He wants out.

Ask your mum to elaborate OP and let us know... what else has she noticed and what does she mean by it's not the first time.

He’s checked out of your relationship.

You need to talk to him. Sounds like he's ready to end things

You've wasted three years of your life on this charmer? This absolute fuckwit of a man? Your poor mother must be horrified by your choice of partner. Raise the bar.

Throw the ignorant pig back into the gutter.

How did you not notice him behaving like that on previous occasions?

Nobody " has to " leave the table for a cigarette, and I speak as a former heavy smoker. He was being a twat.

I’d end it

He sounds rough/uncouth. I expect your mum has been aware of this all along and has been hoping you'd see the light as you clearly deserve better. Get rid OP, if he's embarrassing you relatively early into the relationship he'll be mortifying you after a decade or so. Throw him back in.

He is not a keeper.

its ungracious, is he lacking in table manners and unkind to his host normally or is this something he did today for the first time?