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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so embarrassed by my DP’s behaviour at the table

183 replies

Soembarrrrassed · 25/12/2021 19:59

Christmas dinner at my mums this year. DP has been quite sulky not really joining in. Mum spent ages trying to make dinner perfect. He starts eating and says ‘sorry I’m going to have to spit this out it’s too fatty’, and almost spat it out at the table before I asked him to leave to do it. Then when everyone else was still eating, got up as soon as he was finished to go for a cigarette, leaving my family feeling really awkward. We’ve been together three years, it’s never happened before - AIBU to feel really embarrassed by this?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 25/12/2021 20:15

He sounds like an ignorant twat. How unattractive.

BlingLoving · 25/12/2021 20:15

YABU if you didn't tell him how his behaviour was 100% out of line. And if he doesn't see that and apologise, then you have to consider whether this is the kind of man you want to be with long term.

Frazzled2207 · 25/12/2021 20:16

Yanbu. Twattish behaviour.

wizzywig · 25/12/2021 20:16

Did he take his phone with him when he went out ?

TwistedOlivers · 25/12/2021 20:16

Trying to embarrass you in front of your family?
Jealous of your relationship with your Mum?
Trying to goad you into having an argument?
I'd be seriously thinking of finishing it based on his behaviour alone

Kite22 · 25/12/2021 20:20

If you've been together 3 years and say this is totally out of character, then I'd be wanting to find out why he behaved so differently from his 'norm'.

Or was this the first time you have been in any situation where he is expected to show a reasonable level of politeness and you've only just seen this ?

Original poster
Soembarrrrassed · 25/12/2021 20:24

I told him he was out of line and privately apologised to my mum and she just said it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened so perhaps I’ve just missed this previous behaviour

OP posts:
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 25/12/2021 20:28

she just said it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened so perhaps I’ve just missed this previous behaviour

Listen to your mum. She sees what you don’t.

phishy · 25/12/2021 20:28

Please don't inflict him on your family again.

How does treat you?

LowlandsAway · 25/12/2021 20:28

He should be the one apologising to your mum! What was his response when you pulled him up?

AvocadoTrees · 25/12/2021 20:32

@Soembarrrrassed

I told him he was out of line and privately apologised to my mum and she just said it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened so perhaps I’ve just missed this previous behaviour
Please don’t sweep this under the carpet and ignore it, or you’ll be one of the posters on here 5-10 years from now complaining even more about him and wondering why you stayed with him.
madisonbridges · 25/12/2021 20:33

Sadly, time won't make him better.

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2021 20:34

That would be a sackable offence for me. Incredibly disrespectful.

Cindie943811A · 25/12/2021 20:35

His behaviour won’t get any better. He is obviously insensitive and uncouth — can you imagine living the rest of your life with him? With him influencing your children? Get out while you can

BooksAndGin · 25/12/2021 20:35

Have you spoken to him about it? I would be dumping him.

ImprobablePuffin · 25/12/2021 20:37

Your mum can see quite clearly what you're apparently missing.

grapewine · 25/12/2021 20:37

@Soembarrrrassed

I told him he was out of line and privately apologised to my mum and she just said it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened so perhaps I’ve just missed this previous behaviour
I'd listen to her. This would give me the ick. Complete lack of manners. Don't inflict his rude attitude on your family again.
Doesntfeellikexmas · 25/12/2021 20:41

Did you ask your mum to expand on that?

It seems you may have the blinkers on

Branleuse · 25/12/2021 20:42

What did she mean. Did she give examples

whywouldntyou · 25/12/2021 20:42

This is exactly how my ex would behave, I binned him. I can't bear bad manners and rudeness, he was both. Get rid before you get the ick.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2021 20:42

That’s appalling.

What Is the matter with him? What does your mum mean?

saraclara · 25/12/2021 20:43

This sort of rudeness isn't going to go away. It's the kind that means he has no care or empathy for others. He knew your mum had spent ages making a lovely meal, and he didn't care if he made her feel shit.

He's not going to change, and I couldn't live with that.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 25/12/2021 20:44

It sounds like he's a bad egg.

Id get out before you waste too much time.

UserBot · 25/12/2021 20:44

Very rude. My mum raised me to eat everything, smile and nod and say mmmm thank you, even if it was gone off.

So I'd have been mortified in your shoes, my mother witnessing that.
Although i know some families might be more breeeeeezy about this kind of thing.

CallmeHendricksGingleBells · 25/12/2021 20:48

So you apologised for him? What about him being a grown up and apologising for himself?