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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

304 replies

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:32

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

OP posts:
Hotyogahotchoc · 24/12/2021 14:02

I think it is morally wrong but if you genuinely need to in order to pay a bill or rent then I would say it's ok as long as you give it back to them however if it comes down to £100 then the likelihood is it's not going to be a one off IMHO so best not get into that habit.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 24/12/2021 14:03

I have done it. I also kept a note of every penny I spent of theirs and paid it all back when times were better.

Is it morally wrong? Maybe
But less wrong than not feeding them.

TulipsTwoLips · 24/12/2021 14:03

Absolutely yes I would. In the bigger scheme of things children need feeding etc.

Blackberrybunnet · 24/12/2021 14:04

It is not wrong. Children need food, shelter, clothing, before anything else. That's the order the money should be spent in. Presumably the children are young, otherwise why would the money come via the parent - that being the case, they won't necessarily appreciate the value of the money they've been given anyway, so why not just buy something special with a little of the money and say that's the gift.

Abraxan · 24/12/2021 14:05

If it was genuinely a decision between some food or not, or another genuinely essential item then of course you can use the money and vouchers.

Ideally in the future you could 'repay' the amount but if you can't then they'd be benefiting anyway.

What's the point if £20 in their bank account if their tummy is empty on Christmas night?

It also fine to use them for a day out etc so long as it's focused on the child.

As a giver, I'd much rather this than it just be squirrelled away into the back and not used.

Not acceptable to spend it on something the child gets no benefit from at all.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 14:07

@Staryflight445

Pumperthepumper

Staryflight445
Of course it’s morally wrong. It’s stealing from your own child and disrespectful to those who gifted something to your child.
‘I’d rather watch my child starve than deprive them of some paw patrol tat’

No I wouldn’t let them starve. They’d starve regardless if the situation was that bad, especially if nobody gave money or vouchers.
relying on Christmas/birthday money isn’t enough to prevent the issue.

So a choice between spending their money on food so they don’t starve or buying paw patrol tat you’d choose……?
BellaTheDarkOverlord · 24/12/2021 14:07

I have used money before to buy a gift for DD to open rather than her opening a card with money especially for Xmas. I do it for us too. My nan always gives us money for Xmas so I buy us all gifts instead so we have something to unwrap.

I have before had to use money from DDs money box to like buy milk before but I always make sure I pay it back.

AD80 · 24/12/2021 14:07

My mum used to I am sure. We didn't go without but I'm sure we'd be given money and never see it again.

I would never spend my DC's money.

It reminds me of my ex who I share a son with. Some random elderly relative of there's used to put a fiver in a card for DS - which was very kind as she probably had little money. My ex used to keep it 😅

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 14:09

@St0rmTr00per

I have a colleague who uses her sons Christmas and birthday money to buy his clothes. Not designer or "extra" clothes or trainers but standard basic clothing for him including socks and underwear. She posts photos of it on facebook with a "the boy went splurging with his christmas money" post. I've always felt a bit sad about this as basic clothing is something we cover for our children in my house. £100 trainers are something else but basic next or supermarket t shirts and trousers etc are just bought by us. I think what makes me feel so odd about it is she and her DH aren't short of money and she goes on girls drinking days out almost weekly.
Maybe someone else pays for her nights out.
CliveAntichrist · 24/12/2021 14:11

I'd only use my DC's money if I really was desperate and had totally run out of gin and fags.

ChannelJackieWeaver · 24/12/2021 14:12

It's not wrong of it's to meet your children's basic needs and you have no other option. I'm thankful I've never been in that situation but many have.

Birkenshock · 24/12/2021 14:13

I do it all the time and feel zero guilt. I'm financially responsible, I don't drink or smoke or have expensive phone or tv packages, we're just permanently poor because I'm a single mum working full time on minimum wage and my childcare is over £1.2K a month, yet we don't qualify for free school meals etc because I earn over the threshold for it all, so we're permanently poor. Their vouchers and money they are given buys them duvets, and clothes, and occasionally pays bills or pays for us to go camping, or sometimes petrol in the car, or all the other stuff so that my children can grow up unaware of poverty. Without using money like this, we'd have to walk 45 mins to school every day because I can't afford the petrol, or we'd be visiting food banks because the cupboards are empty. Whereas my children are growing up thinking they have a normal quality of life, and im ok with using their money like that.

One day when childcare doesn't cripple me, I hope to pay it all back, but im not tracking how much of "their" money I've spent over the years tbh. I'll just always be generous to them when I do have money and that will repay it.

JustLyra · 24/12/2021 14:15

I’ve done it. I kept a note of what I spent and when I could I paid it back, but if I couldn’t pay it back then I still think it was the right thing to do.

I was given the money and vouchers to buy my girls things they needed. At that point they needed electric on the meter the most.

If you’ve never been in the position of being completely up shit street - and by that I mean nothing left to sell, no-one to borrow from, no more space on credit cards, waiting on benefits sorting an issue (caused by a malicious twat) and no chance of taking in enough ironing or anything - then it’s fine to declare you absolutely 100% never would.
I hope no one who says that ever had to realise that there is a point you would because I wouldn’t wish that point on my worst enemy.

HunterGatherer · 24/12/2021 14:17

What a ridiculous question.
I've never been in this situation but if I was, I would have no hesitation in using the DCs vouchers and money to buy them food. They need food, warmth and security more than they need a bloody board game or a bit of plastic tat.

Staryflight445 · 24/12/2021 14:19

@Pumperthepumper what are you finding so hard to understand?

What do you think these people do if they didn’t have access to birthday/ Christmas money people gave their kids?

Relying on those is not the answer.

Staryflight445 · 24/12/2021 14:20

Because it doesn’t fix the issue does it @Pumperthepumper

user290814356289 · 24/12/2021 14:23

I have in the past before my husband got his new job. It was either go hungry or use the amazon vouchers for amazon pantry.

We are very fortunate not to be in that position anymore but my husband lost his job when ds had turned 1 and we had no money at all.

I would never judge someone who did this.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 14:23

[quote Staryflight445]@Pumperthepumper what are you finding so hard to understand?

What do you think these people do if they didn’t have access to birthday/ Christmas money people gave their kids?

Relying on those is not the answer.[/quote]
But that’s not the question - I’m not sure what you’re struggling to understand. You have no food, your kid is given £20, do you buy food or paw patrol tat?

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 14:24

@Staryflight445

Because it doesn’t fix the issue does it *@Pumperthepumper*
It fixes the immediate problem of ‘no food’.
FourTeaFallOut · 24/12/2021 14:25

If I gave £100 to a child in a family that was broke at Christmas, I'd expect their parents to prioritise food and heat over toys or future savings. Are they just meant to look at it while they go hungry?

tatfrombandm · 24/12/2021 14:26

NinjaTuna

How dare you
Your child does not owe you 12k. Se never did. She owes you nothing. She is your child. You as her parent are expected to fund her basic needs and treats. Why should she pay for the roof over her head. The 12k wasn't for you to spend. Pay it back

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 14:28

But that’s not the question - I’m not sure what you’re struggling to understand. You have no food, your kid is given £20, do you buy food or paw patrol tat?

Then you buy food.

But what if your child needs a new winter coat, you can afford one yourself but it is a stretch and January will be a tight month. In this situation is it ok to spend your DC's money on a coat?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 14:29

@Comedycook

But that’s not the question - I’m not sure what you’re struggling to understand. You have no food, your kid is given £20, do you buy food or paw patrol tat?

Then you buy food.

But what if your child needs a new winter coat, you can afford one yourself but it is a stretch and January will be a tight month. In this situation is it ok to spend your DC's money on a coat?

What do you think?
FourTeaFallOut · 24/12/2021 14:30

Yes, get the coat.

tatfrombandm · 24/12/2021 14:31

@NinjaTuna

Sorry I got quite angry there reading what you had said. My mother had a similar attitude to you and did me out of several thousand herself. Yes she spent far more on me, but no child owes their parents even a bit of that money back