Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it

Yes, exactly.

@CodenameEgg

If it were the difference between a toy and food on the table, or credit on the gas meter, absolutely.

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it.

This ^ but in any event, I would try not to and would always pay it back.

@CodenameEgg

If it were the difference between a toy and food on the table, or credit on the gas meter, absolutely.

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it.

This. It's easy for people who have never faced that choice to say they'd never do it. No one really knows until they face that situation.

You know guys, not all of us working class scumbags are pissing our money up the wall and smoking crack. Very outdated attitude.

[quote Comedycook]@pumperthepumper
You are reading way more into this than what was intended. I'm certainly not rich...I can afford the basics luckily. I could very much use an extra £100 though, although like I said, I have no intention of doing that. If I couldn't afford the basics such as food, I might not have a choice. I thought it was an interesting discussion and I wondered how people viewed it? Is it seen as theft by some? It's certainly not a thread to bash the poor as you suggested.[/quote]
The thing is, it doesn't take much for some MNer to actually bash the poor or those on low incomes. You don't have to look far on here to see it.

And we keep being told on every covid thread about the poverty people will be in as a result of job losses and isolations, businesses going bust, people losing homes, your hypothetical question is the lived reality for many families and believe me, you feel like the world shittest parent when you're in that situation, my mum still sobs that she had to that with our gift money and it was over 30 years ago. She still feels like a shit mum because of it. She's a brilliant mum who did what she needed to do.

There will be people reading this who are in that situation right now. You can't win because if the kids are seen with anything someone classed as expensive while the electric is off or little food, they'd be called irresponsible for prioritising "luxuries". You see that one here all the time too. "If they can afford a tablet for their kids they shouldn't need free school meals" Count yourself lucky that it's only a hypothetical question for you, especially at the time of year where there's a lot of social pressure and expectation of spending on shit you don't need.

@MolkosTeenageAngst

I would say it’s morally wrong if there is any other option; Eg: food banks, borrowing from somebody else, cutting back for the month, selling your own possessions. If somebody was really skint though to the point the family wasn’t going to eat and they had exhausted all other options then of course it would be understandable to use some of the children’s money as it would be worse to let a child go hungry than to spend their money on food. I would expect that any money used was borrowed, meaning that it would be paid back to the child once the parent was back on their feet.

I would use the kids money before borrowing from other people, if there is a chance you not going to be able to pay back then don’t borrow from other people. At least the kids money is going towards their household costs not someone else’s. Would try and avoid is at all possible still but if desperate then I don’t think it should be last resort after food banks and borrowing of others, they should be a later resort

@MahMahMahMahCorona

I admit to having been privy to a former talk show host denigrating participants on the stage for "borrowing" a tenner out of a child's piggy bank, and all family members having to undertake a lie detector test to work out who done it. The lambasting the culprit then got was quite impressive.

As a result of similar, this is why 'D'H was recently promoted to XH. Because I found out in February 2017 that he would systematically remove Christmas and birthday money just a couple of days after it arrived in the DC accounts, and use it to gamble. He did the same with money intended to pay for music lessons, and when all DC inherited over £6k each, this too was taken. All in he's stolen - because I believe it to be stealing - over £10k from each DC.

I intend to furnish them with the details when they are 16 for them to take him to court and recoup their losses. XH is not poor either - he's an heir to a well known brand. It's sickening.

@MahMahMahMahCorona Why Wait? Just fill out a form on their behalf on moneyclaim online. Do it now.

I have used my dc's gifted money to buy them clothes.
I have used their money also to decorate and furnish their bedrooms but I'm (albeit slowly) paying them back for this.
We've never had that much money. With both our wages (mine pt) and uc and cb combined is about £24k. So sometimes we have to use their money.
I've never used their money for food or bills though and have been fortunate to never have to.
I have used their money for things for them that we couldn't afford.
A trampoline
A climbing frame with slides
Annual passes for Safari Park.
As long as it's for their benefit I can't see the problem.
If it's a choice between food and a food bank. I'd use their money.
If it was a bill that was overdue resulting in bailiffs etc. And paying it ensured that wouldn't happen then again, of course I'd use their money.
Life is fucking hard when you're poor.
So many difficult decisions to make.
If someone was struggling financially, I wouldn't judge.

We spent £12,000 worth of inheritance left to DD when 6months old on building materials, we were living in a caravan at the time, no regrets. My aunt was a manipulative old bag, re writing her will was her greatest pleasure.
DD has had the benefit and getting out if the caravan that much sooner was better for her health.
We're luckily in a much better financial footing now and she will certainly drain us of far more than that sum, given willingly and with love.

My mother had to do it because we had no money for food.

I've survived.

If I was absolutely skint then would “use” the money if it meant putting food on the table. But would pay it back as soon as I was able. I also think it’s ok to spend on shoes/clothing/essentials for the children rather than a toy.

But we have a family member who we won’t send money to for their dc, as we know that that the kids won’t see a penny of it. Not because the money is needed elsewhere but because she’s a grabby selfish arse!
She sees that as extra spending money for herself so would use it on treats for herself.

We’ve had a couple of years where we had to manage on income support due to illness and redundancy. And yes those years we did use some of the money given to the dc by relatives for a Christmas food shop and petrol etc (we live rurally so petrol is a necessity). When you are literally on your arse financially you do what you have to do to manage!

And if you're asking because you're close to being that poor yourself that it's a possibility and are tying to see how much people would judge you, no, you won't be immoral or a bad mum or a thief.

Yes it's wrong. But I used to send money to a relative for the children - and I'm sure her abusive husband took it. But I sent it anyway as we didn't see them in person as they lived a long way away and cos of the abusive husband.
When the kids got older I sent cheques addressed to them directly. The husband is now history thankfully.

Morally wrong I'd say if you could feed your kids and keep the home they live in warm and chose not to.
It's a zhit position to be in, and one I've never been in (luckily)
There would be an expectation that the kids received the monetary value in gifts etc at a later date however.

I have actually had to do this, my DS birthday fell on the same month where my UC payment dropped to virtually nothing. I get paid 4 weekly from work, so UC think that I've been paid a lot more than I actually have, one month per year, because of the UC assessment period. I put it straight back the next month. It was either that or we had no heat, hot water or food. I do whatever I've got to do, as a Mum, as I'm sure everyone else would. Fortunately I'll be in a much better position next time, and won't have to do it again.

As long as you behave with honesty I don't see a moral problem.

That includes:

1. telling DC your intention (if they are old enough) and repaying it ASAP
2. not asking your child to lie about how it was spent if the gift-giver happens to ask what they chose to use the money for.

I would maybe use the money to buy gifts etc and not buy them any myself to pay the other - or get them one thing with my name on - but that assumes there is money to some extent. But I know others have been down to minus money mostly through no fault of their own. Am feeling sorry for nationwide banking people who have had money access issues and had all sorts cancelled as a result

My parents did this when I was a young child - I never saw my communion money or birthday money. I was annoyed about it as a teenager, but I understand it now as an adult.

My parents struggled financially when I was small, I remember having to hide whenever there was knock on the door.
But we never went without anything we needed. Anything they took they spent 100 times over on me over the years. I'd far rather they took the money and kept the house than let me spend it on tat.

A friends tenant flogged the presents the children received from family on a FB page. That shocked me

I have a colleague who uses her sons Christmas and birthday money to buy his clothes. Not designer or "extra" clothes or trainers but standard basic clothing for him including socks and underwear. She posts photos of it on facebook with a "the boy went splurging with his christmas money" post. I've always felt a bit sad about this as basic clothing is something we cover for our children in my house. £100 trainers are something else but basic next or supermarket t shirts and trousers etc are just bought by us. I think what makes me feel so odd about it is she and her DH aren't short of money and she goes on girls drinking days out almost weekly.

I think if you were desperate then it's ok you've got to do what you've got to. You could replace in easier times

Pumperthepumper

Staryflight445
Of course it’s morally wrong. It’s stealing from your own child and disrespectful to those who gifted something to your child.
‘I’d rather watch my child starve than deprive them of some paw patrol tat’

No I wouldn’t let them starve. They’d starve regardless if the situation was that bad, especially if nobody gave money or vouchers.
relying on Christmas/birthday money isn’t enough to prevent the issue.

Whilst morally wrong, if it's a choice of them having savings or a full belly, I know which I'd choose, both as a parent and a gift giver.

@mam0918

Thats straight up theft.

Being hungry doesnt and never has relieved you from having to follow law.

There are so many benefits and options in place right now from child benefit, tax credit, healthy start cards, the Marcus Rashford £60 xmas supermarket vouchers, food banks, xmas charity cafes and the reduced/cheap food options offered by so many supermarkets now that I dont see how its even possible to have blown through all those options and still need to take from your child.

So pleased for you....