Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

@Timeisavirtue

Personally I couldn’t bring my self to do this. It’s my job to feed and clothe them, I don’t care how bad things get I would never take thier money. DS gets DLA and I literally only spend it on him, I know people that use there’s for family trips etc, I just can’t bring myself to do it...

Right. So it’s your job to feed and clothe them. But no matter how ‘desperate’ you would never use money they had to do it. So if you had no money in that desperate situation but were given some money for your child you would just neglect your ‘job’ to feed and clothe them?

Also DLA is literally to meet all your child’s needs. Spending it on family trips is totally normal, it’s not their personal pocket money but money to improve and better their lives. So unless they’re being left out of the family trip it’s an entirely appropriate use of DLA/PIP.

I have before, but I always put it back. DS is 5 and has no concept of money, so I usually keep a bit of the cash for him and transfer money from my account to his and keep the rest of the cash as emergency house money.

Much easier than paying his money in and the withdrawing money out however I won't be able to do this for much longer as he gets older.

If you didn't have money for essentials then of course it would be ok to spend them on food, clothes or power.

Morally wrong only if its spent on something that has no benefit to the child, eg drugs, booze. For food or heat, with the intention to pay back later, I'd be fine with that, even if I was the giver of money or vouchers

Kanaloa

Also DLA is literally to meet all your child’s needs. Spending it on family trips is totally normal, it’s not their personal pocket money but money to improve and better their lives. So unless they’re being left out of the family trip it’s an entirely appropriate use of DLA/PIP.

No. Disability living allowance belongs to the child, and is to go towards the cost of their disability only. It's not pocket money, however nor is it family money.

@Kanaloa

When I was about 4, (mid 1960s) I got £3 in Christmas money, which was a lot back then. My mother 'borrowed' it and after a couple of weeks, I stopped asking about it. I think she assumed I'd forgotten it. I hadn't and I never forgave her either.

For non addict people who are are genuinely struggling no, not at all bad!!

However I would open a stocks and shares isa and bung some in that and some into normal savings for them.

Fangs, was she struggling? My dm took £5 I was given
Looking back she was struggling and as a child it's hard to appreciate how expensive we are

Not skint but my daughters godfather gave me a few thousand pounds for her education. I used the money towards the mortgage deposit. The intention is I will replenish the pot at some point

I wouldn’t do it. But I have the luxury of food and a roof over our heads .I refuse to judge people who are struggling to feed and house their children. It’s completely wrong to do so from a position of relative privilege.

Absolutely this. It's ridiculous to say you wouldn't do it if you have other options.

We're 17 years on from when I spent my baby's 'trust fund' on roofing underlay, scaffolding, windows and guttering. Absolutely no regrets. Those were really hard years, but happy, but I just don't recognize myself in photos. We were pretty broken.

With a proper roof eventually over our heads my husband could relax, get promoted at work. I picked up work along the way and both kids now have good ISAs for their future.

We also intend to fund their lifetime ISAs, £3000 in a year and the government adds an extra £1000. Useful if you can do it.

The thing about a family is that it isn't about presents or guarding vouchers, it's about sharing the last of the milk carton, not using all the toothpaste and leaving enough loo paper when your down to the last roll. That's family, you pay it back, you pay it forward. You use the resources for the good of everyone.

@Stuffin

If it's between giving them the money or being able to feed them/roof over their head then I don't think it would be wrong to spend it on essentials. But otherwise the money should go to the DCs.

Agree with this - better to spend it on feeding them than letting them starve and saving their cash to give to them.

Yes it is

It's easy to judge if you have never been on the breadline.

If it's the difference between having a roof over your head and food on the table, of course it's fine.

No, I don't think it's morally wrong. You do what's in the best interests of the child. If you need the money to pay for heating / food / rent, you would obviously use if, reimbursing if/when you can.

I mean, what if it was millions of pounds (unlikely I know). Would you struggle on while the kid had millions and gave it to them on their 18th? No, you'd send them to a great school, pay for clubs and classes and extra curriculars and driving lessons and holidays.

It's not the taking the money/vouchers that would be the issue, as with so many things it's the intent behind it. If it's done in the child's best interests it's fine.

No. Disability living allowance belongs to the child, and is to go towards the cost of their disability only. It's not pocket money, however nor is it family money.

DLA is to improve the quality of life for the child with the disability, so might allow a parent to reduce working hours to provide care after school, attend hospital appoints etc, may enable the purchase of something that improves the quality of life for the disabled child but that others in the family may use too, may enable family holidays suitable for the child with the disability, may allow respite care for the child that also benefits the wider family and allows them to continue caring. DLA has a pretty wide remit, I don’t think you can easily judge whether it’s use is justified, what’s needed and helpful will be particular to that child and their living/family circumstances.

No, it's not your money, but theirs.

@CodenameEgg

If it were the difference between a toy and food on the table, or credit on the gas meter, absolutely.

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it.

This^. Used my son's Amazon card on groceries once. He would have bought X-Box games, but we needed food and my credit card was maxxed out.

@tatfrombandm

And family days out are to benefit the child. It has to be spent improving the child’s life.

Would you honestly save your child’s DLA in the bank while you can’t afford to take them a day out? It’s like saying ‘the child benefit is to be spent only on the child. You shouldn’t use it to pay for gas.’

Obviously these things benefit the child.

If relatives give them money for Christmas, I feel it's wasteful putting it towards a toy for the sake of it when they get loads already. Older kids would choose to give me their money and for me to buy them games online using my card. I'd put the money towards something they would benefit from, maybe clothes or shoes. They get stuff bought for them all the time anyway. And if I was skint I'd use it for essentials and then buy them something another time.

If I was completely desperate and no choice, then yes I would because that would also benefit the kids too.

Sometimes the kids get cash so I keep the actual cash and transfer the amount from my bank account to theirs as what to do kids need cash for? Mine are 2 and 8 and my 8 year old would just waste it on roblox crap and that's not happening!

If I really had to, to enable food or heating, then yes I’d spend them.

But I wouldn’t unless it was a really dire situation as it belongs to them.

That sort of amount no let them blow it. My two got £6k between them from my grandma when she died. I put half into their junior Isas and spent the other half on stuff for them we couldn't afford. Think a £500 swing set for the garden. I knew they would get loads out of it (they did) plus my grandma would have trusted me to spend it on them.

No, it wouldn't be wrong if your financial situation was so dire that it meant you could put food on the table and keep the kids warm. I don't know how anyone could possibly think it was wrong. Basic living needs are more important than gifts.