Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

I have spent my children’s vouchers before and purchased things that they need or would like. If I left it to them they would end up picking stuff that wasn’t needed or they already had and would be wasted. I don’t feel bad at all. When they are older 10yrs + I’ll let them spend them how they wish.

I sort of do this...but it's also understood by ther person giving the money. So, we get a big amount of money from one relative. I then do something like book the theatre or similar experience. Tie kids aren't really aware it's 'their' money although arguably I could give them each a portion of it. Vouchers are different though and wouldn't spend those. Equally money from other relatives is different as it's given individually... iyswim

@tatfrombandm

NinjaTuna

How dare you
Your child does not owe you 12k. Se never did. She owes you nothing. She is your child. You as her parent are expected to fund her basic needs and treats. Why should she pay for the roof over her head. The 12k wasn't for you to spend. Pay it back

So you would rather they all live in a caravan? - which was the option here. The inheritance has meant they’ve been able to buy a house, which no doubt will pass on to the child eventually anyway. So the inheritance has been an investment.

Bagelsandbrie

the parents are not necessarily going to give it to the child. It looks as though if they were poor enough to be iving in a caravan they'll need to sell the property in the future to pay care home fees.

My mum used to do this and I honestly can't see what else she could have done in the circumstances.

Our Xmas/birthday presents were things like a new coat, duvet etc with a few small toys from relatives as my mum just didn't have enough cash to buy any.

The only thing I would say is that it really stung when I was about 12 and wanted to buy something nice but not essential to wear with the money and I wasn't allowed.

But when we were younger, a happier, less worried mum, food on the table etc were more important.

I'm fortunate enough to never have been in the position to need to make these types of choices as a parent, but I've been putting my children's child benefit into an ISA in my name since they were born with a view to giving it to them when they're older, but wouldn't hesitate to use it to cover bills if I needed to.

If I as a child lived in a caravan and my parents took 12k from me so we could live in a house, I'd be happy with that.

@Comedycook

But that’s not the question - I’m not sure what you’re struggling to understand. You have no food, your kid is given £20, do you buy food or paw patrol tat?

Then you buy food.

But what if your child needs a new winter coat, you can afford one yourself but it is a stretch and January will be a tight month. In this situation is it ok to spend your DC's money on a coat?

I think that depends on the age of the child and the expectations of the giver.

My Dad would always give money when the DC were small and say it was for a new coat/shoes if they needed them. Or to save until they did, or to put in their bank account. Basically whatever I, as their mum, needed it for.

@Bagelsandbrie

12k is far too much money to take from someone else and not pay it back, relative or not. It's no different to finding the amount on the street. You'd go to the police with it. It's not yours to spend just because it's available to you. If the parents were in such a situation they couldn't afford a house then they need to look into the reason of why that is and fix that rather than jumping to the conclusion that they should spend so money that doesnt belong to them that they have no obvious intention of returning. Wouldn't you be very cross if someone found your 12k and spent it?

I took every penny out both my kids bank accounts once. It was necessary for food and to keep the house when everything went to shit. I had a plan to improve things financially, got more hours at work, and have now repaid all the money - plus interest - back into the accounts (although it took years).

By all means tell me how it was the wrong thing to do when it meant we kept our house, food on the table, and the kids never even knew (both young/ early primary school age) and are now are no worse off financially.

This is such a no-brainer discussion. Obviously it's morally wrong to spend it as it's gifted to your children. BUT - I challenge any parent to put the welfare of their children below a morally right situation if in need. If it was a choice of eating/heating/buying essentials or my children spending the money on toys or tat, there would be no question. The money can always be returned to the children or put into savings for them in future when times are better.

Of course it wouldn't be wrong. Only people who have never been in that position would think so.

I have a brother who sends my DD crazy amounts, like £300 at a time, in Amazon vouchers (typical doting bachelor uncle). She could never spend it all herself so yes, while the bulk of it is applied to purchases for her, some does get spent on other stuff sometimes because Amazon defaults to using it and I don't always catch it. It's a bit of a mare at times .

@Sausagis

I took every penny out both my kids bank accounts once. It was necessary for food and to keep the house when everything went to shit. I had a plan to improve things financially, got more hours at work, and have now repaid all the money - plus interest - back into the accounts (although it took years).

By all means tell me how it was the wrong thing to do when it meant we kept our house, food on the table, and the kids never even knew (both young/ early primary school age) and are now are no worse off financially.

This

@sausagis of course that was the right thing to do. You sound like a fab mum.

I wouldn’t do it. But I have the luxury of food and a roof over our heads.

I refuse to judge people who are struggling to feed and house their children. It’s completely wrong to do so from a position of relative privilege.

@Sausagis

I took every penny out both my kids bank accounts once. It was necessary for food and to keep the house when everything went to shit. I had a plan to improve things financially, got more hours at work, and have now repaid all the money - plus interest - back into the accounts (although it took years).

By all means tell me how it was the wrong thing to do when it meant we kept our house, food on the table, and the kids never even knew (both young/ early primary school age) and are now are no worse off financially.

You sound like a great mum who did what she needed to do to look after her children.

I’m so pleased that your situation has improved .

I always buy my DS, his DP and my DGC Asda vouchers for Christmas then leave the adults to choose what to spend it on.
I was a single mother so remember the choices I had to make when my own DC were younger.
Do buy a small personal present for the DGC too though

I’ve never been in a situation where I would have been that skint but I understand that others may have and I think if it was a choice of the kids eating or not then I would chose for them to eat and use the money/vouchers.

I think in some contexts, it's morally wrong not to... if a parent has access to family money that will keep the family warm and fed and sheltered, then the parent should take the responsibile decision

It is morally wrong of course .However I thank God I have never been so desperate as to need their cash for food .I suppose if it s paid back then OK ,but its the thin end of the wedge really .

@tatfrombandm

Bagelsandbrie

the parents are not necessarily going to give it to the child. It looks as though if they were poor enough to be iving in a caravan they'll need to sell the property in the future to pay care home fees.

Not necessarily. Not everyone ends up either in a care home or having to pay care home fees (my mum died owning her own home but went into a hospice / nursing home under NHS funding for continuing healthcare).

I can’t think anyone would seriously begrudge their parents buying a home with inheritance money so they could live in a house growing up rather than a caravan.

[quote tatfrombandm]@Bagelsandbrie

12k is far too much money to take from someone else and not pay it back, relative or not. It's no different to finding the amount on the street. You'd go to the police with it. It's not yours to spend just because it's available to you. If the parents were in such a situation they couldn't afford a house then they need to look into the reason of why that is and fix that rather than jumping to the conclusion that they should spend so money that doesnt belong to them that they have no obvious intention of returning. Wouldn't you be very cross if someone found your 12k and spent it?[/quote]
I wouldn’t mind at all in those particular circumstances if my parents took my inheritance and used it in that way. I would benefit from living in a house!

You see I think it's fine..but let's imagine a random relative sent you and your adult sibling £100 and said can you give your sibling £50 and you keep £50 as a gift to you both. If you kept it all, absolutely everyone would think you were out of order even if you were absolutely poverty stricken.