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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

304 replies

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:32

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

OP posts:
GreetingsAndSalutations · 24/12/2021 11:45

Honestly? I’ve had to borrow money from my children before. It has been paid back but once or twice it took a while. I’ve used clothing vouchers that were meant to be for “something special to wear” for every day clothes because my children at least, didn’t/don’t need “something special to wear”. They need stuff that they will get use out of.

Tibtab · 24/12/2021 11:46

In that situation, yes I would use them. Then I would try and recoup the money at £5 a week so that the children had the money back.

I agree that it would be a strange gift if they knew the family was struggling.

ancientgran · 24/12/2021 11:46

@CodenameEgg

If it were the difference between a toy and food on the table, or credit on the gas meter, absolutely.

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it.

Agree with this.
countbackfromten · 24/12/2021 11:47

Oh FFS of course it wouldn’t be morally wrong. It is being pragmatic and being a parent and caring for your children. I have met and cared for families in the worst situations imaginable in the U.K. who are dealing with abject poverty. Some on here need to recognise how lucky they are to never be in this situation and stop being so judgemental. Far more important to have children that are loved, warm and fed than vouchers or money sat away for them for a future event.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:47

Ok perhaps food is a bit too much of a essential. Ok, what if an appliance broke down or the car needed expensive repairs? The parent can afford to feed their kids but can't afford to replace the broken down washing machine or to get the car fixed?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 11:48

@Comedycook

Ok perhaps food is a bit too much of a essential. Ok, what if an appliance broke down or the car needed expensive repairs? The parent can afford to feed their kids but can't afford to replace the broken down washing machine or to get the car fixed?
No, the poor should just feel guilty about being so shit.
ShinySquirrel · 24/12/2021 11:48

I've done it. It was the Christmas after I lost my job thanks to having cancer.

I regret nothing and it was the moral choice to make at that time, because it meant my DC had something to open, and for them, a 'normal' Christmas after a terrible year of me being so ill.

LudlowStreet · 24/12/2021 11:50

Honestly some people have absolutely no idea just how difficult life is for some people in the UK. Of course youd spend them on essentials, and youd feel shit about it enough without other people judging you.
To the 'no, absolutely not' morally wrong brigade, you've got no food in the house, no electricity on the key meter, kid has £50 in bank account, what would you do? Genuine question.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/12/2021 11:50

I'd assume that presents were from family and friends that knew you and knew your family circumstances.

Therefore they would clearly not want you to.not be able to feed your family

dashoflime · 24/12/2021 11:50

Yes. It's OK.
The money was given to benefit the child. But you are the parent and you decide how best to do this.
If the child's most pressing need is warmth or food or not being evicted in the new year.....it is what it is.

Palavah · 24/12/2021 11:51

@BusterGonad

It isn't morally wrong and the ones saying it is have never been skint, you clothe, fed and provide for your child everyday of their life, if Christmas comes and you can't afford the electric/food etc then you do what you have too. How can £100 spent on toys be helpful if you're freezing your tits off and can't cook food because the electric is off? Or your kids are going to bed hungry because all they've eaten is toast.
This! How can it be morally better to take charitable donations to cover food so that you can spend £100 rather than £50 on toys?
TheKeatingFive · 24/12/2021 11:51

If they're going to go hungry or without heat or something, then yes absolutely.

I suspect those saying no way have never been anywhere close to that situation.

FTEngineerM · 24/12/2021 11:51

it is understandable to borrow when really struggling

Bloody hell I borrow to pay the cleaner, they’re the only two that have chase😂 raided DS2s entire stash don’t worry I repaid it all he hasn’t got a clue what’s going on he’s only 3 m old.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:51

No, the poor should just feel guilty about being so shit

These boards are hard work sometimes...I have said no such thing

OP posts:
pompomsgalore · 24/12/2021 11:52

Of course it's not wrong. They can't eat vouchers or keep warm next to an envelope of money.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 24/12/2021 11:53

My mum used to use our money to put food in our bellies and clothes on our back and hot water in the bath. I don't resent that at all. Can you imagine how sick you'd feel seeing your kid fritter 100 quid away on plastic shit when that's more than you have to live off for a month?

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 11:54

@Comedycook

No, the poor should just feel guilty about being so shit

These boards are hard work sometimes...I have said no such thing

Why start the thread? It’s only going to make people who have had to make that choice feel shit. All for your lovely moral conundrum, which you have no intention of doing yourself.
Ragwort · 24/12/2021 11:54

Of course it's OK if the alternative is no food or heating in the house.

Staryflight445 · 24/12/2021 11:54

Of course it’s morally wrong. It’s stealing from your own child and disrespectful to those who gifted something to your child.

pompomsgalore · 24/12/2021 11:54

Of the car is used to get them to school then it would be fine to temporarily use their money. Same for washing machine as having clean clothes is a basic need. More toys are not.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 11:55

@Staryflight445

Of course it’s morally wrong. It’s stealing from your own child and disrespectful to those who gifted something to your child.
‘I’d rather watch my child starve than deprive them of some paw patrol tat’
SlashBeef · 24/12/2021 11:56

Wouldn't letting them go cold and hungry be more morally questionable...? Stupid "hypothetical" question.

kitkatsky · 24/12/2021 11:56

I had to borrow some Xmas money one year as she needed new shoes and we were that broke. I repaid it in Feb when things were easier

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/12/2021 11:56

Yes I would- my children don’t go without and if I needed to I would use their present money

Powerpotpie · 24/12/2021 11:56

“I'm wondering if someone was so skint they were struggling to pay for food or essentials, would it be wrong?”

No of course it wouldn’t be wrong. I often send money to relatives for kids but wouldn’t mind at all if it was used for bills or a shop if desperately needed.

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