Page 11 | Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

Comedycook · 2021-12-24T11:32:09+00:00

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children! But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

ShinyHappyPoster · 24/12/2021 14:58

Money and vouchers are irrelevant. The majority of parents are doing the best they can and this is a site to support parents not one to create hypothetical situations so parents can be judged even more than they already are.

I do think it's morally wrong to start a thread that could in any way make people who are struggling financially feel worse whilst equating wealth with moral superiority. But hey ho obviously OP thinks that's a fine way to spend Christmas Eve - taunting the poor and lauding the rich. It's so Dickensian, the OP should probably worry about a visit from 3 ghosts tonight.

Original poster

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 14:59

OP thinks that's a fine way to spend Christmas Eve - taunting the poor and lauding the rich

Oh chill out ffs, I haven't done anything of the sort

OP posts:

MahMahMahMahCorona · 24/12/2021 14:59

@mellicauli - I had no idea about this, thank you.

Twitterwhooooo · 24/12/2021 15:10

@Comedycook

You see I think it's fine..but let's imagine a random relative sent you and your adult sibling £100 and said can you give your sibling £50 and you keep £50 as a gift to you both. If you kept it all, absolutely everyone would think you were out of order even if you were absolutely poverty stricken.

But that's a different situation.

An analogous situation would be if a relative gave you £100 asking you to give £50 to your sibling who didn't understand the value of money, and you spent it on things that they need eg food, clothes, outing they couldn't afford and gave it to them.

Original poster

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 15:11

Yes good point

OP posts:

Mrstamborineman · 24/12/2021 15:13

You have clearly never ever been on your arse and desperate. When desperate you make decisions that keep your children fed and warm.
If you don’t have to spend them, then that is different.

Timeisavirtue · 24/12/2021 15:20

Personally I couldn’t bring my self to do this. It’s my job to feed and clothe them, I don’t care how bad things get I would never take thier money. DS gets DLA and I literally only spend it on him, I know people that use there’s for family trips etc, I just can’t bring myself to do it...

FestiveMelts · 24/12/2021 15:23

I'm fortunate never to have been in that position, but if I were desperate I absolutely would. It would be ridiculous to have funds sitting there for oblivious children, while bills are missed. Parents can always make it up to them later on.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/12/2021 15:23

@Timeisavirtue

Personally I couldn’t bring my self to do this. It’s my job to feed and clothe them, I don’t care how bad things get I would never take thier money. DS gets DLA and I literally only spend it on him, I know people that use there’s for family trips etc, I just can’t bring myself to do it...

You begrudge using gifted money for family trips?

JustLyra · 24/12/2021 15:24

@Comedycook

You see I think it's fine..but let's imagine a random relative sent you and your adult sibling £100 and said can you give your sibling £50 and you keep £50 as a gift to you both. If you kept it all, absolutely everyone would think you were out of order even if you were absolutely poverty stricken.

That’s an entirely different scenario - you’re not responsible for feeding, sheltering, and keeping your sibling warm. And adult siblings aren’t incapable, generally, of feeding housing and keeping themselves warm.

Original poster

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 15:25

@Mrstamborineman

You have clearly never ever been on your arse and desperate. When desperate you make decisions that keep your children fed and warm. If you don’t have to spend them, then that is different.

Who's that aimed at? Me? You have no idea about my life or financial circumstances

OP posts:

Original poster

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 15:26

@Mrstamborineman

You have clearly never ever been on your arse and desperate. When desperate you make decisions that keep your children fed and warm. If you don’t have to spend them, then that is different.

Oh and you clearly didn't read my op properly. I didn't judge anyone...I asked a question.

OP posts:

HowRudeolfYou · 24/12/2021 15:28

@Comedycook

You see I think it's fine..but let's imagine a random relative sent you and your adult sibling £100 and said can you give your sibling £50 and you keep £50 as a gift to you both. If you kept it all, absolutely everyone would think you were out of order even if you were absolutely poverty stricken.

It's not the same thing as what you meant in your OP is it though?

Having an adult sibling living with you being dependent on you for their basic needs and housing would be a better example, i wouldn't think they were thieves then either.

takingmytimeonmyride · 24/12/2021 15:29

About 10 years ago my (now ex) husband lost his job. Tax credits fucked up so didn't give us any more money despite him having no income, so we got that, the child benefit and income support. We had no money. My son had a collection of special 50ps from the olympics. I felt so guilty, but we needed food and we're scrabbling to find change, and I had to use some of his 50ps to buy bread and beans.

He's 22 and I still feel bad now as we never did manage to replace all of them. I don't think he's bothered though!

So yes, if my kids had savings and I needed to buy food then I would use their money. Hopefully I would pay it back.

My other son gets PIP, as I'm now a single parent who can't work as I care for him his PIP goes towards household bills, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage.

Gymgo · 24/12/2021 15:33

We buy dd all her clothing in 1 go , we use money to goto that or pay for groups

KeyWorker · 24/12/2021 15:36

I once used my DD’s next voucher to buy school uniform. It was an additional expense I hadn’t planned for that month. I did feel guilty but she had plenty of suitable home clothes at the time. Fortunately we are in a much better position now financially. I don’t feed bad about it now. You do what you have to do.

suzyscat · 24/12/2021 15:42

Definitely not morally wrong if you are skint. One would hope it would be paid back but it's a hard life for a lot of people. I suspect anyone getting their knickers in a twist has never chosen between feeding themselves or their kids or food vs heating or similar.

Mumsarockchick · 24/12/2021 15:47

If it's needed for essentials then no, not morally wrong, but keep track and pay back when able. It's something I've had to do

AcrossthePond55 · 24/12/2021 15:53

I considered my DC's Xmas/birthday monies to be 'sacrosanct'. But if it meant eviction, no gas/electric, and no food then, yes, I'd have used it. But I'd have paid it back, even if it was at pennies a month. Luckily, that need never arose.

Fix a car or washer? If the car was necessary for work or school, yes. The washer? Well, clothes have to be washed and laundromats cost money. In fact, where I live they're stupid expensive. If I can't afford food, chances are I can't afford the (USD) $3-5.00 per load at a laundromat either. And it's pretty nigh impossible to hand wash an entire family's laundry every week. So, probably. The caveat is that IF I'd be able to afford the car/washer repair the following month then I'd make do and wait.

I admit that we've never been that skint. We've had to put things on cards and/or juggle payments when we were younger. And at one point my parents had to help us out when I was put on bedrest with DS2. And yes, we DO appreciate that we have been extraordinarily lucky.

Fridafever · 24/12/2021 15:58

This would obviously be fine for essentials I don’t understand why you think it’s even up for debate.

GatoradeMeBitch · 24/12/2021 15:58

Of course not if you need to use it. Gifts do not take priority over paying the rent or buying food. Even more so if it's a giftcard/cash for a very young child. Someone who rather would go into debt than spend the £100 Grandma sent their 18 month old is a fool.

MintJulia · 24/12/2021 16:07

Thankfully I've never had to but If it came to it, I'd spend their money to feed them and keep them warm.
No decent relative would begrudge that.

Kanaloa · 24/12/2021 16:14

[quote Staryflight445]@Pumperthepumper what are you finding so hard to understand?

What do you think these people do if they didn’t have access to birthday/ Christmas money people gave their kids?

Relying on those is not the answer.[/quote]
But what do you do if your job doesn’t pay you? Why are you relying on that money? What would you do if you didn’t have it?

The fact is not everyone can think six steps ahead. If you’ve never been in that desperate lifestyle living hand to mouth you won’t understand but at that moment there’s only the £20 in your hand. There’s no tomorrow or next week, just sorting dinner tonight and electricity for this week.

Obviously in the long term the ideal is to make a plan to get yourself financially stable but a 5 year plan doesn’t fill your belly tonight.

Kanaloa · 24/12/2021 16:15

And obviously nobody’s talking about wasting your money because you’re ‘relying’ on your kid’s money to buy what you want. People are talking about an emergency/desperate situation.

Takemine · 24/12/2021 16:17

If it was to keep them warm and fed, I wouldn't think twice.

Not to buy extras though.