Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

My mum had to do this on many occasions through my childhood. I always knew and never minded. She hated having to do it.

I didn't think it was wrong then and I don't now.

@Comedycook

And there's all sorts of grey areas...

Ok, we all agree if the parent can't afford food, then it's better to use them for that.

But what about using the money to fix the car or washing machine?

What about buying school uniform?

What if the parent could manage to buy the uniform but it would be a bit of a struggle... would it be ok to then dip into the kids money?

What do you think?

@Comedycook

And there's all sorts of grey areas...

Ok, we all agree if the parent can't afford food, then it's better to use them for that.

But what about using the money to fix the car or washing machine?

What about buying school uniform?

What if the parent could manage to buy the uniform but it would be a bit of a struggle... would it be ok to then dip into the kids money?

To me it’s a question of how essential it is. If they need the car for work or transporting kids to school then yeah fine. If the kids can’t get school clothes that fit otherwise, yes.

I doubt anyone would advocate or justify taking money for gambling, drink and drugs.

I don’t think you can assume that because someone stuck £10 in your child’s birthday card that they know you’re struggling.

I do think as with everything you simply have to use a bit of common sense.

@SoniaFouler

No, don’t do this. They are their vouchers, not yours. And yes, it is morally wrong, as if you even needed to ask.

She literally just said she wasn’t going to

Again. The people buying gifts for the children will know the family.

If a family is struggling then surely the most sensible thing would be to discuss with the giver of the gift

Eg granny gives two toddlers £50 each in argos vouchers.

Boxing day washing machine blows up and parent can't quite afford it but could if used the vouchers.

Parent speaks to granny- explains situation. Granny understands that parent needs to clean clothes.

I don't know. My Ds needs new school shoes...I can afford them. It's a bit of a stretch but ultimately I can manage. If I used his vouchers to buy his school shoes, is that wrong? I honestly don't know. If I couldn't afford them at all...I definitely think it would be fine. But if it's just a stretch, then I think it's probably wrong, although I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it necessarily. I'd judge them if they used their kids money for a night out on the booze.

Oh god I have, my two don't want for much I try my hardest to make sure of it but yeah sometimes, I've spent a tenner that I've found in my wallet that isn't mine - but I'll be buying petrol or something.

I've also rummaged in their money box - with their permission when I haven't got cash for school events most usually.

Thats straight up theft.

Being hungry doesnt and never has relieved you from having to follow law.

There are so many benefits and options in place right now from child benefit, tax credit, healthy start cards, the Marcus Rashford £60 xmas supermarket vouchers, food banks, xmas charity cafes and the reduced/cheap food options offered by so many supermarkets now that I dont see how its even possible to have blown through all those options and still need to take from your child.

I had a BIL who did this.
He'd steal everything that wasn't nailed down.

Stole my DSis inheritance, tax refunds, money given to the kids for gifts, money kids had earned and saved.

There are some people that are constantly in a bind with the sense of a gnat and they never seem to understand why they're always in debt.

It's interesting how people always seem to have enough money for their vices like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gambling, etc. but somehow don't have enough money for food or to pay their bills.

If somebody has gifted your children money/ vouchers then I think as long as you are happy to tell that person what was bought with the money you are probably doing okay morally. If you know that if you told the gifter, ‘We spent the money on new school shoes’ they would be happy with that then it’s probably a good use of the money.

If you would feel embarrassed to tell the gifter what the money had been spent on (Eg: car repairs) or knew they wanted it to be spent on something specific (Eg: a toy or book) and instead spent it on house repairs then you’re definitely on shaky ground morally.

I would expect a parent to be selling their own luxuries before spending their children’s money on things like household essentials. If the parents have literally sold and downgraded everything they can and still can’t afford to pay for something essential then yes, it would be reasonable to use the children’s money. But the intention should 100% be to pay it back when and if they can.

It's interesting how people always seem to have enough money for their vices like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gambling, etc. but somehow don't have enough money for food or to pay their bills

There's also lots of people who just don't have enough for the basics...and don't buy booze and gamble.

If it were the difference between a toy and food on the table, or credit on the gas meter, absolutely.

Problem is most people on here will never have been in a situation where they need to make they choice so will have little understanding of it

This.
I can't understand why the OP is getting such a hard time.
It is an interesting debate.

I think where you draw the line is quite a personal choice, but I think there seem to be a lot of people on this thread that have no concept of having to make those choices, so perhaps look at it differently from those who do have to, or have had to.

It delves into hierarchy of need territory, doesn't it.....shelter, food, warmth etc..... but also I think there is something to do with confidence or self esteem of the parent. When we were skint, I had no qualms about accepting things people gave us and buying 2nd hand, but, over years of working with many families who have little and have never had much and who don't have great prospects of that changing, there seems to have always been a culture of wanting things new, or the latest gadget etc and putting far more importance on new things. I think the same applies to presents. In our family, the "bag of gifts" for the dc has always included things they 'need' - including things like socks and pants and hairbrushes and bobbles and hats and gloves etc etc etc, whereas some posters on MN are horrified at presents being things you need.
I remember being so grateful to my Mum giving me some cash for the dc at Christmas and telling me I could buy shoes with it or whatever they needed - it didn't have to be "fun" things.

Name changed jus for this but yes I did this a lot when my eldest was small. I was a single mother in a terrible mess and had a drink problem. I cant even say I spent it on food - we had food, that's not in question - I spent it on myself, on drink and cigarettes and I know how bloody awful and wrong that was.
Since I've been sober ( a lot of years) I've paid them back in both financial and (I hope) other ways - by trying to be a better person for them and the grandchildren. Its taken a long time to even begin to forgive myself

@Comedycook

I don't know. My Ds needs new school shoes...I can afford them. It's a bit of a stretch but ultimately I can manage. If I used his vouchers to buy his school shoes, is that wrong? I honestly don't know. If I couldn't afford them at all...I definitely think it would be fine. But if it's just a stretch, then I think it's probably wrong, although I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it necessarily. I'd judge them if they used their kids money for a night out on the booze.

No, that’s theft. It would be much better if your dc just used their existing shoes - if they walk up the back of the heels they’ll get more use out of them.

@Comedycook

I don't know. My Ds needs new school shoes...I can afford them. It's a bit of a stretch but ultimately I can manage. If I used his vouchers to buy his school shoes, is that wrong? I honestly don't know. If I couldn't afford them at all...I definitely think it would be fine. But if it's just a stretch, then I think it's probably wrong, although I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it necessarily. I'd judge them if they used their kids money for a night out on the booze.

Would you care if someone used money you gave them for that? I wouldn’t tbh- once I give money I don’t care how their parents seem fit to use it

Circumstances.

Roof over heads, warmth and food on the table come first.

So yes if in a situation where it is the only way left to protect and provide for them.

Otherwise, no.

No, that’s theft. It would be much better if your dc just used their existing shoes - if they walk up the back of the heels they’ll get more use out of them ok troll or a wind up?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

No, that’s theft. It would be much better if your dc just used their existing shoes - if they walk up the back of the heels they’ll get more use out of them ok troll or a wind up?

Both. It’s sarcasm.

If it’s for bills or going hungry no harm. We can give back when we get extra money.

I also don't care what someone spends money I give them on.

I had to use some of my DC's birthday money for food/electric in the past.

I also used foodbanks and got some white goods from a local assistance fund after me and the DC were moved from our marital home by the police for our safety. I had a job but paying out for a deposit on a rented house, and kitting out that house (ex H wouldn't let me have even a teaspoon or item of clothing for any of us because I wouldn't go back, breaking my jaw kind of saw to that!) financially ruined me. I will never think I was morally wrong - yes we were very poor but I kept us safe. I had to feed and clothe them. Now we live in an 80k a year household and they have more than enough and I devoted hours of my time to a Masters that got us into that position. I have paid them back in the opportunities I give them (music lessons, horseriding lessons, football subs, holidays etc) it is swings and roundabouts. They do still bring it up, in a 'Do you remember when we used to always have an empty fridge and no wifi for a year and you had to go to Morrisons with birthday money' type of way but they understand now that it was literally food or go hungry. They don't see it as suffering, just a rough couple of years that we have clawed our way out of.

I've done it when I was desperate, I just put the money back when I could

Exactly comedy cook

I hope I would go to those relatives and explain my situation and see if they could help. It would be embarrassing, of course, but better than taking my children's money. I might take the vouchers and spend them on essentials for my children, like shoes, so they have something tangible to show for them. I can't think anyone wants to take their children's money but ultimately no child wants to starve so I guess getting the children buy their own food might be essential.
But how do people manage the rest of the year when there are no children's vouchers to spend?