Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

No, that’s theft. It would be much better if your dc just used their existing shoes - if they walk up the back of the heels they’ll get more use out of them

Oh dear, this is very hard work isn't it. You seem absolutely determined to be offended

No, it’s not morally wrong to spend it on something that is either food or essential to keeping the child fed and housed and clothed.
It’s morally wrong to spend it selfishly for something that doesn’t affect the child at all.

And either way, I’d be looking to replace the same value anyway.

I’m in a position where this could quite easily happen to me. I wouldn’t feel guilty because I’d only ever spend money if I absolutely had to and I would make sure the money was replaced.

Yes I would if not doing it meant there was no food or electric/gas. I think it’s more morally wrong to have hungry/cold children!
I never luckily have been in a situation where I have done that/have had to do that, but Ive been bloody close and I think it’s very easy for people on here who have not been in that situation to say ‘of course not it’s morally wrong’
But if your children are hungry and you have no money till payday, and empty fridge/cupboards you do what you have to do! Hopefully If you can pay them back at a later time, or buy them a treat etc then that’s what you do

My mum did it when I was a kid and I understood why! However I did get annoyed when I wanted some new pjs and she took us for a meal for my birthday because I would have actually preferred the pjs with what was left

I genuinely don’t think it’s even morally wrong! The money there for them so if you can’t afford to feed or clothe them then yes of course you use what you can! I’d rather that be done than be homeless or without decent clothes.

If it’s to spend on yourself on non essential items then no obviously you don’t do it but I assume you meant essential living expenses if you had no other choice

@Comedycook

I also don't care what someone spends money I give them on.

Agreed. But the difference is if you’ve given money to the kids and the parents have then spent it on repairing the washing machine then the money hasn’t been spent by the recipient. If I gifted a child money I wouldn’t care if they spent it on clothes or sweets or toys or apps etc but if their parent has spent it before the child was even aware the money/ gift existed it’s not actually been spent by the recipient. That would bother me, although I would understand if the parent had literally no other choice, but if the parent was spending money I gifted a child on their car without even trying to source the money in another way I wouldn’t be particularly happy about that (and probably wouldn’t send a gift again considering the child hadn’t even received it).

@Comedycook

No, that’s theft. It would be much better if your dc just used their existing shoes - if they walk up the back of the heels they’ll get more use out of them

Oh dear, this is very hard work isn't it. You seem absolutely determined to be offended

Do you think it’s theft or not? You’re remarkably passive in your own thread when this is something you’re now considering doing.

Is essentially just the same as opening their piggy banks and taking cash?

DH told me that his parents cleared his older sister's money box when they were on their uppers. But it was a choice between eating or not eating. I hope they paid her back when they were in a better financial situation though.

I've never been in that situation and hope I never will be.

I’ve used some of my kids’ money to pay the mortgage before. Had no choice. Paid it back, but if I couldn’t pay it back I still don’t think it’s morally wrong to ensure they still have a roof over their heads.

If its that or not eating then there's no choice really

Yes.
It's better to let your children go hungry so you can give them cash and vouchers for toys
🙄
Honestly. Some people!

If the situation is so dire that your children have nothing to eat and you have no way of getting food for them then yes. You use the money they have been given.

A very strange thing to ask if you're not considering it.
More to this I think.
Yes morally wrong but if the child is hungry then yes,do it and save up as and when there is a few pennies spare to reimburse.

I would, so flame away.

I’m sure the child would rather have food in their tummies and a warm home, than a piece of paper or more meaningless tat.

When my son was a baby we had no money so if I was given money to buy him something for his birthday or Christmas it often went on clothes or essentials. As far as I saw it I was spending it in the best way at the time. Any money I got given went straight on things he needed as well so I wasn’t out spending my own money on stuff I wanted. I got a very small amount of money then.

I think if it was now that he’s older and would know I would try everything not to do it because it’s for him. But if it’s a choice between food to eat and money to spend on toys it’s what it is. Nobody should be in that situation at Christmas but poverty doesn’t know the date so I wouldn’t judge because I’ve been there myself.

Tbh I don’t think the situation has to be dyer- I’m lucky enough to save the child benefit I get as savings for my children, every year I pay an hmrc charge on it out of my money. I have zero guilt taking their 10quid and paying for some petrol to schlep them to swimming

It's morally wrong depending on your needs at the time.

If you're using the gift money to pay for food because otherwise you'll all starve, or to pay an urgent gas bill, then I don't think it's morally wrong.

However, if you are living comfortably with no worries regarding food/gas/electricity etc and you spend it on a new pair of boots you don't need or a handbag you fancy then that would be morally wrong.

If that was the only option I would BUT I would pay them back. I wouldn't feel good about it but my reasoning would be they will be happier fed and warm than with another toy.

There is absolutely no reason to have money sitting in an envelope waiting for children to spend it on toys if meanwhile they are hungry, or their school shoes are too small, or you need to pay for electricity. Of course you should replace the money when you can, but it's more immoral to let your children suffer by not having the basics.

Do you think it’s theft or not? You’re remarkably passive in your own thread when this is something you’re now considering doing

I'm not considering it. I'm saying that whilst I can afford shoes for my DC, using their vouchers would make it much easier. I don't intend on actually doing it.

As for the theft aspect...it all depends doesn't it...that's the whole point of the discussion. If the parent takes the money and buys food they couldn't afford..fine. if they take it to gamble in the bookies, that is more likely to be seen as theft I think.

Years ago my mother had to do this. It was £5 that I'd received in a card and I remember feeling very miffed as we never had any money to spend on ourselves. Then, years later I found myself in similar circumstances and I did, on a couple of occasions, spend my child's gifted money in ways which they may not have chosen, but which did benefit them. Think food, gas on the meter. On one occasion some clothes in the January sales because they desperately needed them. Some guilt of course, mostly at my own inability to provide for them sufficiently. But, it kept them warm, fed, appropriately dressed. And luckily they weren't at an age to know.

I don't know if I would have spent on car repairs, washing machine etc, as at that point I couldn't afford to have or replace any of those things. But possibly. Better than them being dirty or unable to get to school etc. I think it's an interesting question. And actually the responses have made me look back with less guilt as I thought there'd be a lot more judgement and negative responses. After experiencing it myself as a child it's not something I ever wanted to do to my children. But I didn't have a choice.

I really count my blessings at this time of year now. And can look forward to Christmas instead of worrying how we're going to get through the month. The people who think it's a shocking thing to do are very lucky and I'm glad that they haven't had to go through it.

I’m lucky enough to have never been desperate enough to have to do this. However if you can’t feed your children or keep them warm then I wouldn’t hesitate.

If we’re talking about not having enough money for basics.. then yes I’d do it.

I’d also let the gift recipient know what I’d done and tell them I’ll treat the kids later in the year when finances are better.

And then I’d write back at a later date and let them know what I’d bought the kids.
I’d hope that any reasonable gifter would understand the choices I’d made.

But.. you’d have to have got yourself into hell of a pickle to even have to make that choice.

I don't think it will occur to you unless it's absolutely necessary to do this. So if it means difference between children having lovely Christmas or not, then I don't think it's morally wrong at all. And you can always pay them back when you have enough money.

I think it’s morally wrong that we live in a society were people can be in that position.