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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

304 replies

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:32

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

OP posts:
NotQuiteUsual · 24/12/2021 11:56

When we really struggled they would have to go on their clothes and shoes. I'd let them pick their stuff though from the cheap basics in Primark, big it up into a special shopping trip together. They enjoyed it, I still feel shit though. But that was life for us then. I'd certainly never judge and would purposefully give family or friends cash for kids if I knew they struggling so they could do similar.

whosaidtha · 24/12/2021 11:56

I have a savings account for my kids. I have it set so I could access money if I need to. This is specifically because I wouldn't want to lose our home when my kids have ££££ in the bank. I'm sure they'd rather have a roof over their heads than a lump sum when they turn 18.
If you've no option then you spend it. I'd try not to/try other options if possible. Those saying not to have probably never been in that situation.

Ragwort · 24/12/2021 11:57

And to your question about whether it would be OK if it was to repair a washing machine or other essential item then yes, I would agree that it was acceptable.
If the money was used to buy booze and fags for the parents which I know does happen that is clearly different.

Why are you so bothered about the 'moral dilemma' ?

funinthesun19 · 24/12/2021 11:58

I did this and then re bought the voucher a few days later.

The voucher was a supermarket one and I used it to buy some food. It’s not like I went and splashed out on some stuff for me with it. If I’m morally then fine but at least we had some food in.

Thesearmsofmine · 24/12/2021 11:58

I wouldn’t say it is morally wrong to use vouchers to ensure your child is fed and warm. I think anyone gifting to my children would be happy for me to use them in that way because they care for their well-being.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:59

@pumperthepumper
You are reading way more into this than what was intended. I'm certainly not rich...I can afford the basics luckily. I could very much use an extra £100 though, although like I said, I have no intention of doing that. If I couldn't afford the basics such as food, I might not have a choice. I thought it was an interesting discussion and I wondered how people viewed it? Is it seen as theft by some? It's certainly not a thread to bash the poor as you suggested.

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 24/12/2021 12:00

This would be absolutely fine if the situation presented itself. Morality doesn’t come into it.

RedskyThisNight · 24/12/2021 12:00

I think it depends on

  • how old your children are. If old enough to make a reasoned choice (e.g. teens) they should be able to specify
  • how skint is skint? Can you use the money on something for the children so they are actually getting value out of it?
  • if it's a question of not eating or spend the money, then absolutely I would

But this is a weird hypothetical dilemma anyway. If you have relatives with spare money, then I'm sure they would be happy to help you out if you're completely skint.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:00

Why are you so bothered about the 'moral dilemma' ?

Because I thought it was interesting. Why discuss anything? These boards are full of random chatter and musings

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:02

[quote Comedycook]@pumperthepumper
You are reading way more into this than what was intended. I'm certainly not rich...I can afford the basics luckily. I could very much use an extra £100 though, although like I said, I have no intention of doing that. If I couldn't afford the basics such as food, I might not have a choice. I thought it was an interesting discussion and I wondered how people viewed it? Is it seen as theft by some? It's certainly not a thread to bash the poor as you suggested.[/quote]
Of course it’s a poor bashing thread! They’re morally corrupt to use their children’s money for food or other essentials. AND they’re now thieves!

Or is it a poverty safari thing you’re after? Some stories about how low people sank when on the bones of their arses?

Blueeyedgirl21 · 24/12/2021 12:02

If you were literally skint in January and needed to do a shop and put money in the electric or something, then absolutely, just write it down somewhere and replace it later. If it’s the difference between being at the food bank and being able to spend £100 at aldi and have a decent months worth of food then go for it. Money can be replaced.

Same with vouchers for next and John Lewis and stuff, it’s fine IMO to use them for new school shoes/winter coat/new trainers when old ones are absolutely knackered. They don’t have to be used to pick something ‘fun’ or a toy.

KeepApart · 24/12/2021 12:02

I think if there's no other option then it's a necessity, you can't allow your children to starve.

But morally that's not the parents money, it belongs to the DC and they have no real right to spend it over anyone else's money. So if there's another option, you should take that. There's clearly friends and family around so potentially borrow from them.

And it's so situation dependent, a 2 year old whos got no concept of £100 fine. A 15 year old slightly different.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:04

Of course it’s a poor bashing thread! They’re morally corrupt to use their children’s money for food or other essentials. AND they’re now thieves

Or is it a poverty safari thing you’re after? Some stories about how low people sank when on the bones of their arses?

You are really reaching now.

OP posts:
georgarina · 24/12/2021 12:05

If it was absolutely necessary then yes. Stupid to buy toys if you can't buy food or heat the house - and those are more important for the kids too.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:05

@Comedycook

Of course it’s a poor bashing thread! They’re morally corrupt to use their children’s money for food or other essentials. AND they’re now thieves

Or is it a poverty safari thing you’re after? Some stories about how low people sank when on the bones of their arses?

You are really reaching now.

So when you said ‘theft’ and ‘moral dilemma’ you meant………?
Sobeyondthehills · 24/12/2021 12:05

Been there, done it, no guilt

Is that what you want OP?

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:06

Same with vouchers for next and John Lewis and stuff, it’s fine IMO to use them for new school shoes/winter coat/new trainers when old ones are absolutely knackered. They don’t have to be used to pick something ‘fun’ or a toy

Yes this is a good example. My dc always seem to need new uniform and school shoes. I can afford them but it's sometimes a stretch. Would it be terrible to buy them school shoes with their Christmas vouchers? I don't know really! I'm not going to...but I will hopefully guide my kids to buy something reasonably useful rather than plastic tat!

OP posts:
BoudecaBains · 24/12/2021 12:07

Depends how old there are. Buying for teenagers is always difficult.

Marimaur · 24/12/2021 12:07

If I really had to to clothe or feed them, it’s not wrong imo.

GettingItOutThere · 24/12/2021 12:07

yes. on food and essentials. On a night out? absolutely not.

I have spent some cash once that was in my hand from a relative (my childrens) however replaced it like for like when we went out to shop. I needed cash at the time, they had some so just gave it back in credit card. is that the same?!

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:07

So when you said ‘theft’ and ‘moral dilemma’ you meant………?

Questions not statements

OP posts:
Ragwort · 24/12/2021 12:08

I have a relative who is struggling, I would much rather she used the money I give for her child's Christmas/birthday for clothes, shoes or other essentials, I do gently suggest that but she prefers to let the child choose plastic tat something .. Confused.

Nocutenamesleft · 24/12/2021 12:08

Yes. My mum did. But she hadn’t been able to afford to eat for 4 days at that point. She’d given all her food to me.

I had no problem with it. I was about 11 at the time.

KeepApart · 24/12/2021 12:09

I do send money for relatives DC and I'd be a bit annoyed if it was spent on repairing the washing machine

Mostly because I want the DC to have something nice, and I'd rather know that it didn't go towards that so I could still ensure they got something for christmas/whatever it was I was sending them money for. I'd happily contribute towards food/bills/car repairs if a family member was struggling, but I'd also want to make sure the DC got something as well. Especially as I imagine the DC wouldn't be getting much for Christmas in this situation. But I appreciate that many people may not want to say if they were struggling

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:10

@Comedycook

So when you said ‘theft’ and ‘moral dilemma’ you meant………?

Questions not statements

Well, don’t be a coward, what’s your answer to your own thread?