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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

304 replies

Comedycook · 24/12/2021 11:32

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/12/2021 12:10

This answers why I was always given vouchers for places or things (record tokens, mostly) my mother wouldn't feel the urge to treat herself at rather than cash, which would have disappeared. Didn't always work, though; the year I was given M&S vouchers, her eyes lit up and she decided to 'use them because you won't' whilst I was at (secondary) school.

Stuffin · 24/12/2021 12:10

I am not sure this is a 'poor bashing thread'.

The thing with moral dilemmas is that sometimes your own moral compass might be screwed and hopefully those that simply scream 'theft' might take a moment to reflect on what others are saying.

Spidey66 · 24/12/2021 12:10

If it was to put food on the table for your kids or to make sure they have shoes or coats that ate warm and fit them properly of course it's ok if there is no other option and it's a short term solution.

If it's to buy alcohol, fags or crack cocaine, of course not. If I was in that situation is rather do that ahead of a food bank.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:10

@Stuffin

I am not sure this is a 'poor bashing thread'.

The thing with moral dilemmas is that sometimes your own moral compass might be screwed and hopefully those that simply scream 'theft' might take a moment to reflect on what others are saying.

It was the OP who suggested it was theft.
Spidey66 · 24/12/2021 12:11

Ate=are

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:12

I asked if it could be seen as theft. Honestly you are being quite ott...if this thread upsets you, why not step away?

OP posts:
DoingTheDusting · 24/12/2021 12:12

I think if you were really struggling then yes it would be okay to use the vouchers BUT with the intention of replacing them when you were able.

AlternativePerspective · 24/12/2021 12:12

I think the issue is that different people have different interpretations of what is “necessary.”

If we’re literally talking about having no food in the house, then I would hope they could ask the money giving relative for help anyway, but in the event they gave to the children, it’s understandable that that money might be used to buy actual food.

But the grey area for me is whether someone would consider “necessary” to include a couple of bottles of wine for instance. Nobody should put stipulations on what people spend their money on, but when it comes to borrowing the children’s money then yes, I think only absolutely necessary is acceptable.

MorningStarling · 24/12/2021 12:13

It's fine so long as you get the agreement of the person giving the gift intended for the child. If you tell them you're redirecting the funds to yourself and they're ok with it, it's fine. Otherwise it's no more acceptable than opening up someone else's mail because it looks like a birthday card and helping yourself to the voucher inside it.

Tabbacus · 24/12/2021 12:14

@KeepApart

I do send money for relatives DC and I'd be a bit annoyed if it was spent on repairing the washing machine

Mostly because I want the DC to have something nice, and I'd rather know that it didn't go towards that so I could still ensure they got something for christmas/whatever it was I was sending them money for. I'd happily contribute towards food/bills/car repairs if a family member was struggling, but I'd also want to make sure the DC got something as well. Especially as I imagine the DC wouldn't be getting much for Christmas in this situation. But I appreciate that many people may not want to say if they were struggling

Why not buy them a present then? Confused
Spidey66 · 24/12/2021 12:16

@Pumperthepumper
No she didn't. She suggested some may see it as theft, not that she did.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:16

@Comedycook

I asked if it could be seen as theft. Honestly you are being quite ott...if this thread upsets you, why not step away?
So what’s your answer? Are the poor morally corrupt or thieves in this scenario?
Slayduggee · 24/12/2021 12:16

It depends. I’ve been given cheques addressed to me to get something for the kids. The kids were under 3 and they already had loads of toys so I went shopping in the sales for clothes as that’s what they needed.

Cash/vouchers given directly to older children. IMO should be kept by the child. I grew up in poverty with a violent controlling alcoholic parent and there was barely money to cover the essentials as it all went on drink. I had one pair of jeans and a couple of jumpers to wear outside school and it was embarrassing. I used to use Christmas money to buy nice clothes and shoes for myself and to have some fun money to go out with friends and feel normal.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:16

[quote Spidey66]@Pumperthepumper
No she didn't. She suggested some may see it as theft, not that she did.[/quote]
Why would the OP suggest that though? Unless it was to bash the poor?

KeepApart · 24/12/2021 12:18

@Tabbacus because I don't know what they want and I'd rather they got something they liked?

Why does anyone send money and vouchers? Hmm

NandorTheRelentless · 24/12/2021 12:18

@SoniaFouler

No, don’t do this. They are their vouchers, not yours. And yes, it is morally wrong, as if you even needed to ask.
well if its a choice between sitting hungry, in a cold dark room, I think the children would prefer to spend them!

Personally, so long as you paid back when you were able, then its fine.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:18

Oh fgs, please stop with the accusations of poor bashing.

OP posts:
Justwingingit2005 · 24/12/2021 12:19

I know someone who makes their kids buy school uniform with their Christmas or Birthday money.
And its not because they struggle financially.

Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2021 12:19

@Comedycook

Oh fgs, please stop with the accusations of poor bashing.
What’s your answer? Are the poor morally corrupt or thieves in this scenario of yours?
thefirstmrsrochester · 24/12/2021 12:19

Depriving dc of cash gifts and vouchers in favour of non essential spends on items for self - morally bereft.

Spending dc cash gifts and vouchers as that’s the absolute last option to put food on the table, buy fuel card, I think most of us would do this if in such a position.

guardiansofthegalaxychocs · 24/12/2021 12:19

I’ve thankfully never had to do this but I think it’s totally morally fine to spend Christmas money on essentials if otherwise you would be in debt (or more likely further in debt or hungry). It’s a middle class privilege to consider otherwise. It’s similar to ‘would it be wrong to steal a loaf of bread if otherwise your children would go hungry’. To me, it’s clearly in the children’s best interests and totally different to spending the money on something luxury for yourself.

Original poster
Comedycook · 24/12/2021 12:20

And there's all sorts of grey areas...

Ok, we all agree if the parent can't afford food, then it's better to use them for that.

But what about using the money to fix the car or washing machine?

What about buying school uniform?

What if the parent could manage to buy the uniform but it would be a bit of a struggle... would it be ok to then dip into the kids money?

OP posts:
MahMahMahMahCorona · 24/12/2021 12:20

I admit to having been privy to a former talk show host denigrating participants on the stage for "borrowing" a tenner out of a child's piggy bank, and all family members having to undertake a lie detector test to work out who done it. The lambasting the culprit then got was quite impressive.

As a result of similar, this is why 'D'H was recently promoted to XH. Because I found out in February 2017 that he would systematically remove Christmas and birthday money just a couple of days after it arrived in the DC accounts, and use it to gamble. He did the same with money intended to pay for music lessons, and when all DC inherited over £6k each, this too was taken. All in he's stolen - because I believe it to be stealing - over £10k from each DC.

I intend to furnish them with the details when they are 16 for them to take him to court and recoup their losses. XH is not poor either - he's an heir to a well known brand. It's sickening.

chris8888 · 24/12/2021 12:21

If its needed for essentials like food or clothing then yes of course I would.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/12/2021 12:21

@Comedycook

And there's all sorts of grey areas...

Ok, we all agree if the parent can't afford food, then it's better to use them for that.

But what about using the money to fix the car or washing machine?

What about buying school uniform?

What if the parent could manage to buy the uniform but it would be a bit of a struggle... would it be ok to then dip into the kids money?

Ultimately it’s creating an easier life for your child- if you fix the washing machine their clothes are washed. If you were using it on make up then I may judge but not for necessities and food and heating etc.