DP bought present for ex not me

[Cocopogo]

We said we wouldn’t do presents as we’ve just gone halves on something fairly large, not too expensive about £100 each which we can easily afford. DP is currently saving for a new car he’s getting early next year.
I have bought him something, which I know was my choice but now I’ve found out he’s bought something for his ex (they are “just friends” but that’s a whole other thread) I’m feeling a bit sad that I won’t get anything.
AIBU to feel sad that he’s bought something for ex but not for me?

@TheCatterall

So you told him not to buy you something. He has followed your instructions.

You breached your own agreement without his knowledge.

And now your mad/sad about it…

He can’t win can he.

If his friend was male would you be less jealous about not getting a gift as you requested?

Please don’t expect him to be psychic. Please don’t mess around with partners by getting them to agree to X because you want a certain result elsewhere (the shared large purchase) and then being annoyed at them when they stick to the very agreement you requested.

Spectacularly missing the point 😂

Mad idea but have you tried talking to him ?

Yabtotallyu. His ex isn't getting any benefit from the gist you bought together presumably so naturally he'd buy her something else if they've always done presents at Christmas.

Don't give him the gift, save it for fathers day or birthday or give it someone else and stick to what you've agreed.

You agreed not to do presents.
You got him one.
He didn't get you one .
You're annoyed.
You can afford presents.

I'm confused by why you did anyof the above.
I'd tell him asap you've bought him something and you want something.
Loads of places he can still get stuff.

And don't be a martyr again.

Ex is irrelevant unless he is crossing boundaries in other ways

If he's cheating or has chested then that is completely separate from the specifics of you agreeing no presents

@Sundancerintherain

Mad idea but have you tried talking to him ?

So do this!

Yanbu to be hurt he has bought his EX a present, however you did both agree not to get each other gifts which didn’t include getting anything for anyone else? Is there a back story as to why he is so comfortable buying presents for his ex girlfriend

OP, why are you with a guy who buys gifts for some ex fuck buddy? They aren’t friends, ex fuck buddies aren’t real friends, they just stay in each others’ lives as the ‘understudy’, waiting in the wings for the next opportunity to shag.

You refer to her as an ex. But you also.say that they dated for a few months years ago. Predominantly they are friends. It's not that she was married to him for years with kids etc

I think you’ve created this, sorry OP. You agreed not to buy each other anything and he’s taken you at your word. And he’s bought something for the ex as normal…

She's not his ex, she's his friend. Dated for a few months, friends for years since? They're friends, who took a few months dating to figure that out. If they wanted to be together, if it had worked between them, they'd still be together. Are you suggesting that he can't give presents to any of his (female) friends just because you and he agreed no relationship presents?

He usually buys fro her, your and your DC
You told him not to buy for you or your DC

I dont get what the issue is other than trying to create a drama where there is none?

@AstroBunny

OP, why are you with a guy who buys gifts for some ex fuck buddy? They aren’t friends, ex fuck buddies aren’t real friends, they just stay in each others’ lives as the ‘understudy’, waiting in the wings for the next opportunity to shag.

This! And oooer, my very first LTB. Honestly, it’s far more complicated than the presents thing. The presents have just shone a very bright light on the ex/friend issue.

But are they fuck buddies or are they friends and op is jealous of a female friend?

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I have a little list of people I buy gifts for. If one of them said they didn't want to exchange presents this year I'd take them at their word but it wouldn't stop me buying gifts for the other people on my list.

You clearly don't like him being friends with his ex. I can understand that but am myself friends with an ex and would resent a partner trying to stop that. It's an important friendship but nothing more. If you really can't handle it, it's time to call it a day.

This is it exactly.

On the face of it, it sounds awful: 'my DP didn't buy for me but bought for his ex'

BUT

1. You agreed no gifts. Then you went ahead & bought something small & would like him to do the same. That's not fair.

1. This is a long-ago ex, they are friends since & he usually buys her a gift. So he's only done what he usually does.

1. Clearly you aren't happy with their friendship / relationship. That's fine. But then you need to address that with him, not the gift buying.

In short, talk to him, and say what you mean about the real issue

tell him you feel very sad at no gift

They agreed not to buy each other gifts.

Earrings - she is an ex and a friend with benefits. A bit more too it than just being friends.

What is the gift he has got her?

Surely he's got your kids a gift? Or would not have agreed in the first place that he wouldn't buy for you/them just because of this joint purchase.

Where's the joy, love and warmth?

If money is that tight then the ex being prioritised seems wrong.

The agreeing not to do presents but then one party ignores that and buys a gift is , I believe, the sort of thing that drives men bonkers. If my husband and I had agreed this and then I gave him a gift he would be really cheesed off and feel that I had put him on the back foot. He is very literal. We aren't doing x so he doesn't do x. End of .However the presence in his life of an ex who was still worthy of a gift would be a no from me. But I am married to a man who doesn't send Xmas cards to anyone, so a gift to someone would be a serious concern.
The fact that he hasn't bought a gift for your Dc is a bit odd ,unless your son is an adult and independent in which ok I suppose.

I’m intrigued what joint pressie buying together is

But why say no pressies

Dh and I buy small stuff for each other - socks candles smellies book etx

Ops partner

Aibu that my partner and I agree no Christmas gifts. Her suggestion because we'd just bought something expensive together.

Then today on Christmas day she gives me a gift and is upset I didn't get her one. But we'd agreed no gifts.

She then starts moaning about gifts I bought for other people.

But we agreed no gifts between us so other people is irrelevant.

Aibu to be really annoyed

It seems like you are much more in to him than he is you (encouraging joint purchases?)
I would let this one go OP. It's not going to get any better.

well you have to decide what you want....but not sure you can fault him for doing what you agreed and I think that your agreeing something and then reneging on it (you bought him a present) is not great behaviour either. Its a bit of a telepathy test regardless of what he did about his ex.
You may not like his continued relationship but he's been nothing but honest and ....well....you haven't....

@Dishwashersaurous

Ops partner

Aibu that my partner and I agree no Christmas gifts. Her suggestion because we'd just bought something expensive together.

Then today on Christmas day she gives me a gift and is upset I didn't get her one. But we'd agreed no gifts.

She then starts moaning about gifts I bought for other people.

But we agreed no gifts between us so other people is irrelevant.

Aibu to be really annoyed

yup, you have put it much better than I did

@Dishwashersaurous

Ops partner

Aibu that my partner and I agree no Christmas gifts. Her suggestion because we'd just bought something expensive together.

Then today on Christmas day she gives me a gift and is upset I didn't get her one. But we'd agreed no gifts.

She then starts moaning about gifts I bought for other people.

But we agreed no gifts between us so other people is irrelevant.

Aibu to be really annoyed

But if what someone else said is true, and he cheats on her already with other people, then likely he fucks this ex too. In which case he is unreasonable in everything he does.

Op needs to dump this loser. His ex can have him.