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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wierd or is it me?

158 replies

Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:06

I'm really cross and not sure why to be honest. My DH and I have a 3 year old who can be a bit challenging but nothing out of the ordinary. A friend is staying with us for Christmas so she's in our DS room and he's in with us. In the early hours of the morning he decided it was time to get up and had a tantrum when told he couldn't go downstairs. DH and I were trying to comfort him in bed when my friend opened the door and stuck her head round to 'see if everything is ok'.

Of course it bloody was, he's just doing what kids do sometimes and what does she think she could have done to help the situation? I was a bit rude, I don't know why it's annoyed me so much, it felt like such an intrusion. Would you do that? Am I just overtired and being a bitch?

OP posts:
JosephineDeBeauharnais · 23/12/2021 08:08

She was letting you know that the noise was too much and she thought you weren’t doing enough about it. Passive aggressive.

Flowerlane · 23/12/2021 08:09

If she wasn’t rude and was genuinely asking if your child was ok then yabu.

She may have thought your child had hurt himself or something was wrong and was checking to see if you needed help.

whiteroseredrose · 23/12/2021 08:09

That is very odd behaviour.

For starters I wouldn't pop into a friend's bedroom in the morning.

Unless she was offering to take him downstairs so you could have a lie in??

2021s · 23/12/2021 08:10

She should have offered to make you coffee

TheOccupier · 23/12/2021 08:10

Move her onto the sofa. Toddlers need their sleep routine!

EarringsandLipstick · 23/12/2021 08:11

On the face of it that sounds fine? She was just asking if she could help.

However, you were there so can judge the situation best.

In what way were you rude to her?

EarringsandLipstick · 23/12/2021 08:11

@TheOccupier

Move her onto the sofa. Toddlers need their sleep routine!
😳😳😳
Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:12

YANBU, she should I have kept out of the way.

Is this unusual behaviour from her?

CandleWick4 · 23/12/2021 08:12

I would never dream of doing this. We’ve had family stay with a toddler and we've stayed at theirs and woke to hear him having a tantrum or a cry and I would never in a million years intrude into their space and ask if everything was ok.
I’d get up and get the kettle on. As PP said - it’s passive aggressive.

pictish · 23/12/2021 08:13

I assume she doesn’t have kids herself. She probably felt awkward, not knowing if she should acknowledge the disturbance or not. I’m sure she was well-intentioned but simply naive.

In other news, having guests is a pain isn’t it?

ImInStealthMode · 23/12/2021 08:14

Does she have kids? If no, does she spend a lot of time in households that do?

There's a big difference between someone unused to kids thinking a 3am tantrum is unusual and perhaps worthy of the offer of help, and someone who has 3 of their own being sanctimonious and offering their superior expertise.

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/12/2021 08:14

This would also annoy me a lot.

What does she think she can do? 🤣 she probably thought she was trying to be helpful.

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/12/2021 08:14

@ImInStealthMode

Does she have kids? If no, does she spend a lot of time in households that do?

There's a big difference between someone unused to kids thinking a 3am tantrum is unusual and perhaps worthy of the offer of help, and someone who has 3 of their own being sanctimonious and offering their superior expertise.

This is also what I thought
Squirrelblanket · 23/12/2021 08:15

It's a bit odd. Next time pretend she's offering to take him off your hands downstairs so you can have a lie in. Grin

pictish · 23/12/2021 08:15

“There's a big difference between someone unused to kids thinking a 3am tantrum is unusual and perhaps worthy of the offer of help, and someone who has 3 of their own being sanctimonious and offering their superior expertise.”

Exactly what I think. Well put.

Shedmistress · 23/12/2021 08:15

'Is everything ok?'
'No, you are sleeping in his bed'

Clymene · 23/12/2021 08:16

I agree with the first poster. She was telling you that you'd woken her.

Rude.

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:17

It was 1.00am in the morning, I just wouldn't go into someone's bedroom (unless it was a clear emergency) but he was just crying. I think it was the fact it was the early hours, I was in bed with my family and you just don't need an audience.
Appreciate the person who said she should go on the sofa as DS needs his routine but he usually ends up in bed with us anyway 🤷

OP posts:
Handsnotwands · 23/12/2021 08:17

She’s your friend right? And offered help when shit was kicking off. Seems standard friend behaviour

pictish · 23/12/2021 08:18

@Shedmistress

'Is everything ok?' 'No, you are sleeping in his bed'
Would you say that to an invited guest? I assume not.
pictish · 23/12/2021 08:20

I totally appreciate that it felt like an intrusion but I’m sure she didn’t mean it to be.

Just tell her not to worry if she hears the tot crying or creating in the night. It’s what they do.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:20

I think Shedmistress was being tongue in cheek, and not suggesting OP should have really said that.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/12/2021 08:22

I would expect that at 1 am a tantrumming toddler sounded loud & as if something was wrong, especially if you are not used to 3 yos.

However, it could also have been her way of letting you know she was being disturbed.

Aprilx · 23/12/2021 08:23

I think unless she was rude first “please keep the noise down” or whatever, you were in the wrong for being rude to your guest.

I don’t have children and staying in a household with them would be an unusual thing for me to do. I’d probably not do anything but I also find it conceivable that a 3am tantrum would indeed make me wonder if there is something wrong and if I should offer to help.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:24

@Handsnotwands

She’s your friend right? And offered help when shit was kicking off. Seems standard friend behaviour
I agree, but given DH could have been stood up with everything hanging free I'd have knocked
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