Page 2 | Is this wierd or is it me?

Luckyducky75 · 2021-12-23T08:06:14+00:00

I'm really cross and not sure why to be honest. My DH and I have a 3 year old who can be a bit challenging but nothing out of the ordinary. A friend is staying with us for Christmas so she's in our DS room and he's in with us. In the early hours of the morning he decided it was time to get up and had a tantrum when told he couldn't go downstairs. DH and I were trying to comfort him in bed when my friend opened the door and stuck her head round to 'see if everything is ok'. Of course it bloody was, he's just doing what kids do sometimes and what does she think she could have done to help the situation? I was a bit rude, I don't know why it's annoyed me so much, it felt like such an intrusion. Would you do that? Am I just overtired and being a bitch?

pictish · 23/12/2021 08:25

Hope so. People do advise some bold manoeuvres on here that they would never do themselves.

Even tongue in cheek, I don’t like it. Sorry.

Veryverycalmnow · 23/12/2021 08:25

Weird behaviour from her and I'd have a word about boundaries. What did you say when she asked?
Maybe she's not used to the reality of being woken by toddlers- speak to her about it- maybe she thought he was hurt.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 23/12/2021 08:25

If she’s not used to kids she may have thought there was an emergency and genuinely offered to help!

CriminalOrator · 23/12/2021 08:26

She’s your friend. You invited her for christmas so I presume you’re close.

Your kid was screaming at 1am because he was having a tantrum and you’re angry at your friend for having the audacity to check on you all?

I’m all for boundaries but some people on here are so aggressive about what they deem an overstep. You must be angry and exhausted all the time.

CriminalOrator · 23/12/2021 08:27

Also, she’d just been wrenched from sleep by a screaming child. That’s quite disconcerting. Maybe she was up and out of bed to check on you before she’d really registered what had happened.

TwoShades1 · 23/12/2021 08:27

I think it’s one of 2 options. First option it was a passive aggressive way of letting you know that the noise had woken her. Second option is she genuinely has no experience with small children and thought there was an actual issue like a serious injury and she was trying to help. Only you will know which is the most likely answer.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 23/12/2021 08:27

@ImInStealthMode

Does she have kids? If no, does she spend a lot of time in households that do?

There's a big difference between someone unused to kids thinking a 3am tantrum is unusual and perhaps worthy of the offer of help, and someone who has 3 of their own being sanctimonious and offering their superior expertise.

I also agree with this. If she (like me) has no children and isn't used to being in a house with them she probably thought something might be wrong and that there might be something she could do to help.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:29

@CriminalOrator

Also, she’d just been wrenched from sleep by a screaming child. That’s quite disconcerting. Maybe she was up and out of bed to check on you before she’d really registered what had happened.

Actually I think unless she did the "you OK hun?" head tilt then it was prob this. Its disconcerting when your own kid is screaming but to wake up in a strange bed in the middle of the night to a child screaming could hit the panic button before the coming sense button

Dorismargaret · 23/12/2021 08:30

She may have been feeling guilty about being in his room so just wanted to help if she could. People without kids may just not have a clue abouts normal and what's not.

Shiningpath · 23/12/2021 08:30

Could she hear you and your DH at all? If not and she could only hear your crying child then I can see why she might be concerned and look in.

You’ve not been clear what you responded with other than to say you were rude. It does seem at least a little unreasonable.

Nowomenaroundeh · 23/12/2021 08:31

@TwoShades1

I think it’s one of 2 options. First option it was a passive aggressive way of letting you know that the noise had woken her. Second option is she genuinely has no experience with small children and thought there was an actual issue like a serious injury and she was trying to help. Only you will know which is the most likely answer.

Exactly this.

Before kids I would have made this mistake and hovered around wondering what I should do.

After kids I would have whispered to myself TG that's not my child to deal with and rolled over.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:32

@CriminalOrator

She’s your friend. You invited her for christmas so I presume you’re close.

Your kid was screaming at 1am because he was having a tantrum and you’re angry at your friend for having the audacity to check on you all?

I’m all for boundaries but some people on here are so aggressive about what they deem an overstep. You must be angry and exhausted all the time.

What lovely language to use about a small child. Screaming? Tantrum? The child is in his own home with his own parents.

The friend is a guest and was incredibly rude to stick her head round the door without knocking and waiting for a response.

I’m case it’s not obvious, the etiquette is to knock and wait for a response, especially if you’re disturbing people in their bedroom at 1am.

Heruka · 23/12/2021 08:33

Yes I think if she doesn’t have kids she doesn’t realise how normal this is. I’ve had two occasions of a child free friend and relative do this and I am sure they were just concerned, but I found it similarly irritating. In both cases I found it baffling that they thought child would listen/want comfort from them rather than us.

BakedTattie · 23/12/2021 08:34

I think you owe her an apology for being rude. She was only checking you were ok. She maybe thought your child was hurt or was just offering help.

I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to go home now.

BurbageBrook · 23/12/2021 08:34

Relax OP, she probably just had a brain fart moment where she thought she might need to help.

Shiningpath · 23/12/2021 08:35

@Squeezita the OP said it was a tantrum.

Really not sure what your issue is with a subsequent poster using that word. “Screaming” is hardly pejorative either. Grip maybe?

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:35

@BakedTattie

I think you owe her an apology for being rude. She was only checking you were ok. She maybe thought your child was hurt or was just offering help.

I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to go home now.

Actually it’s the friend who should apologise for not knocking! So rude to look into someone’s bedroom, more so at 1am at night, more so when she can clearly hear them trying to settle a child.

Fridgenomynous · 23/12/2021 08:38

Going into your bedroom is a mahoosive invasion of privacy!!!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:38

What lovely language to use about a small child. Screaming? Tantrum? The child is in his own home with his own parents. eh?? So when a child is rolling around in the floor of their own home and emitting loud shrill noises from their mouth, possibly banging their feet and hands upon the floor, what do you call that if screaming and tantrum are such offensive words?

SmallElephant · 23/12/2021 08:39

Agree with posters saying the key thing is whether she is childless.

I remember staying the night with childless friends when we had a small toddler. He woke in the night in an unfamiliar place and took ages to get back to sleep. They were genuinely shocked! Whereas those of us with kids understand these things happen.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:39

[quote Shiningpath]@Squeezita the OP said it was a tantrum.

Really not sure what your issue is with a subsequent poster using that word. “Screaming” is hardly pejorative either. Grip maybe?[/quote]
Because OP doesn’t say her child was screaming.

Really not sure why you people don’t get it’s rude to not knock.

Buy a clue, maybe?

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 23/12/2021 08:41

I don't have kids. A toddler really going for it is a very jarring and unaccustomed sound, and I can see why she might have worried that he had hurt himself or be ill- also possibly aware that she's in his bed. I'm sure she meant nothing at all by it other than wanting to be sure he was fine and just wasn't sure what, if anything to do. Ok, she could have knocked but there's no need to be offended. She might have thought it was a potential emergency. Not everyone is used to small children. Just let her know not to worry if it happens again, if there was a problem you'd let her know.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 08:41

@SleepingStandingUp

What lovely language to use about a small child. Screaming? Tantrum? The child is in his own home with his own parents. eh?? So when a child is rolling around in the floor of their own home and emitting loud shrill noises from their mouth, possibly banging their feet and hands upon the floor, what do you call that if screaming and tantrum are such offensive words?

Except none of that happened.

You people are hilarious with your over exaggerating 😂

Original poster

Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:44

@Aprilx

I think unless she was rude first “please keep the noise down” or whatever, you were in the wrong for being rude to your guest.

I don’t have children and staying in a household with them would be an unusual thing for me to do. I’d probably not do anything but I also find it conceivable that a 3am tantrum would indeed make me wonder if there is something wrong and if I should offer to help.

When I say I was rude, maybe curt would be a better description. I just said 'we're fine thanks' but in a tone that probably conveyed 'fuck off'. This friend doesn't have kids herself and can be a bit loose with boundaries which has always been a problem but we don't see each other much.

To all those who think she was letting me know it was too loud, I was aware of that and didn't need a third person to tell me!

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:45

Except none of that happened that wasn't my point. You're objecting to the use of those words against a child in their own home. So if tantrum and screaming are so offensive what would you use to describe my scenario?

Op clearly said her young child was having a tantrum. Loud enough to wake their guest. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume there was some screaming. Perhaps your kids have polite tantrums where they merely stamp their feet and declare "oh Mummy!!"