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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wierd or is it me?

158 replies

Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:06

I'm really cross and not sure why to be honest. My DH and I have a 3 year old who can be a bit challenging but nothing out of the ordinary. A friend is staying with us for Christmas so she's in our DS room and he's in with us. In the early hours of the morning he decided it was time to get up and had a tantrum when told he couldn't go downstairs. DH and I were trying to comfort him in bed when my friend opened the door and stuck her head round to 'see if everything is ok'.

Of course it bloody was, he's just doing what kids do sometimes and what does she think she could have done to help the situation? I was a bit rude, I don't know why it's annoyed me so much, it felt like such an intrusion. Would you do that? Am I just overtired and being a bitch?

OP posts:
Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:46

Both myself and DH sleep in pants only as well so I probably felt quite exposed!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:47

@Luckyducky75 you're saying she's loose with boundaries so unless she's normally also PA I'd assume it was just being pulled from sleep, not thinking and overstepping.

For reference, was there screaming or just mild telling??

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:47

He wasn't screaming or throwing himself on the floor, it was a crying tantrum although he did open the bedroom door which banged against the wall.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 23/12/2021 08:49

This friend doesn’t have kids herself and can be a bit loose with boundaries

Right well there you go, as many have explained this is a response of somebody unaccustomed to being around young children.

But get over yourself with your “boundaries” rubbish. If she took to cleaning her teeth whilst you are on the loo, then yes there are some boundary issues. Asking if everything is ok during what she thinks could be an emergency is not overstepping a boundary.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:50

@Luckyducky75

Both myself and DH sleep in pants only as well so I probably felt quite exposed!
She'd have had actual genitals if she burst in our room in the middle of the night 😂😂

Honestly op it happened, only you know if she was being a cow or just inappropriate. Apologise for being curt but that she'd shocked you when she came in suddenly

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:50

@CriminalOrator

She’s your friend. You invited her for christmas so I presume you’re close.

Your kid was screaming at 1am because he was having a tantrum and you’re angry at your friend for having the audacity to check on you all?

I’m all for boundaries but some people on here are so aggressive about what they deem an overstep. You must be angry and exhausted all the time. Confused

I agree, I have a full time professional job, 2 kids and a house to run so I am definitely exhausted all the time which is why I wanted to chat to you lot about it.
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 08:51

@Luckyducky75

He wasn't screaming or throwing himself on the floor, it was a crying tantrum although he did open the bedroom door which banged against the wall.
Dammit.

Well I still don't think "screaming" is a rude word to use for a child

Lalliella · 23/12/2021 08:52

If she heard a bang maybe she thought he’d hurt himself. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just concerned and trying to help. Have a chat with her this morning, tell her he has the odd tantrum and it’s nothing to worry about, and say you’re sorry if you were a bit off with her but you were a bit stressed. Everything will be fine I’m sure!

ManicPixie · 23/12/2021 08:53

YABU. If he had a meltdown that jolted her awake then it doesn’t seem rude to ask a harmless question.

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:53

@Aprilx

This friend doesn’t have kids herself and can be a bit loose with boundaries

Right well there you go, as many have explained this is a response of somebody unaccustomed to being around young children.

But get over yourself with your “boundaries” rubbish. If she took to cleaning her teeth whilst you are on the loo, then yes there are some boundary issues. Asking if everything is ok during what she thinks could be an emergency is not overstepping a boundary.

No need to be mean hon, just asking for some opinions, you sound a bit stressed yourself 🤔
OP posts:
Shedmistress · 23/12/2021 08:54

Would you say that to an invited guest? I assume not.

At 1am in the morning after her bursting into my bedroom, you bet I would.

Divebar2021 · 23/12/2021 08:56

This is your friend… why would you assume she was doing anything other than being genuinely concerned. How is she supposed to know that your “challenging” child wasn’t unwell. If I heard a commotion and crying in the night I might think that - particularly if I didn’t have children myself. I think you’re feeling sensitive about your child’s behaviour and believe there was judgement about your parenting when there probably was no such thing.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/12/2021 08:56

Loud crying (not screaming Wink) and a door banging possibly gave her a fright. Sounds like she genuinely wanted to check you were all ok? Perhaps you were short with her as you were aware of the noise and getting a bit stressed knowing you had a guest. Either way it's done now but it does sound like she was trying to help.

Divebar2021 · 23/12/2021 08:58

At 1am in the morning after her bursting into my bedroom

She didn’t burst in she stuck her head around the door.

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:58

She came down this morning and said 'sorry were you both naked last night, I saw the covers thrown over when I came in'. She doesn't seem pissed off I was curt, I just said it was fine and to just ignore him if she hears him at night. Appreciate it's not nice to be woken from sleep by a toddler but it happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 08:59

@Divebar2021

This is your friend… why would you assume she was doing anything other than being genuinely concerned. How is she supposed to know that your “challenging” child wasn’t unwell. If I heard a commotion and crying in the night I might think that - particularly if I didn’t have children myself. I think you’re feeling sensitive about your child’s behaviour and believe there was judgement about your parenting when there probably was no such thing.
But would you just walk into someone's room without knocking?
OP posts:
fairydust11 · 23/12/2021 08:59

She was rude - if she doesn’t like the noise why can’t she stay in a hotel? Plus why is your child giving up their room for a guest? Surely she can sleep on the sofa? Then for her to go into your bedroom and say something…There seems to be an odd dynamic here. Yanbu

Fridgenomynous · 23/12/2021 09:01

OP she overstepped the mark. She didn't need to go in but could have yelled 'is everything ok' after knocking the bedroom door.

IdontPracticeSanteria · 23/12/2021 09:01

It would have annoyed me too.

If I was your guest I would have just pretended I didn't hear anything if you asked me the next day.

Two parents dont need 'help' with just one tantrumming toddler so I would surmise it was her way of letting you know you had disturbed her.

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 09:03

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal

Loud crying (not screaming Wink) and a door banging possibly gave her a fright. Sounds like she genuinely wanted to check you were all ok? Perhaps you were short with her as you were aware of the noise and getting a bit stressed knowing you had a guest. Either way it's done now but it does sound like she was trying to help.
I am definitely stressed, haven't wrapped a single present and have a to do list as long as your arm. She was only supposed to come for 3 nights but came early so will be staying a full week and I wasn't quite prepared. Not her fault, don't mind her coming for longer but I probably am more sensitive than usual.
OP posts:
CheshireKitten123 · 23/12/2021 09:04

OP, Your friend doesn't have the sense she was born with.

If you go to stay where there is a young child/children in the house these things happen because they can be unpredictable.

She should have brought earplugs.

Next time she stays give her a pair - or better still don't ask her to stay. She seems quite rude.

Original poster
Luckyducky75 · 23/12/2021 09:05

She has offered to help with preparations, it's just this one thing that really pissed me off tbh.

OP posts:
Dguu6u · 23/12/2021 09:07

@Luckyducky75

She came down this morning and said 'sorry were you both naked last night, I saw the covers thrown over when I came in'. She doesn't seem pissed off I was curt, I just said it was fine and to just ignore him if she hears him at night. Appreciate it's not nice to be woken from sleep by a toddler but it happens.
Yes she crossed a boundary opening your bedroom door in the night. Like you say, what could she have done anyway? If you needed her (unlikely) then you would have gone to her.When you stay the night at someone with a small kid, you can expect some noise, especially if you’re using the kid’s room and making him sleep in his parents’ room!
MrsLargeEmbodied · 23/12/2021 09:08

assume she is unaware of this type of behaviour in her normal day to day life.
just explain that this is normal

Clymene · 23/12/2021 09:09

She's Invited herself for a whole week hen you only asked her for 3 days?

That's even ruder.

Next time your toddler wakes up, send him into her

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