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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to hostess

481 replies

SecondSwitch · 22/12/2021 06:51

Ever since I first met dh I made it very clear that I would never be the wife/mother who hosted Christmas. I grew up watching my mother tear her hair out every year at Christmas time, trying to be superwoman and as a result she would lose the plot and ruin Christmas. Every. Single. Year. So I vowed I would never be that person. I buy the children presents, I make all their favorite food, and I usually have a nap on Christmas day while dh cleans up. I've also said that dh is free free invite whoever he wants to Christmas dinner, the door is open to anyone who wants to come, I'll provide booze and snacks, but it's up to him to " host" as such ,as I'm not giving up my Christmas day nap. It's come to my attention that dh"s family think I am incredibly lazy and selfish. AIBU?

OP posts:
TedMullins · 22/12/2021 19:18

OP you sound great and I’m like you. I simply do not do things that I don’t want to do. There’s a lot of internalised misogyny rearing it’s head on this thread. Also, what is actually wrong with being lazy or selfish? I’m probably both, and I enjoy it.

Original poster
SecondSwitch · 22/12/2021 19:25

@LoveaStatementNap , haha, you're welcome!

I hope my post has inspired many of you to take an hour or so this Christmas to do what YOU want.

Merry Christmas everyone Smile

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/12/2021 19:40

[quote SecondSwitch]@LoveaStatementNap , haha, you're welcome!

I hope my post has inspired many of you to take an hour or so this Christmas to do what YOU want.

Merry Christmas everyone Smile[/quote]
I do and am! I'm having major surgery (all being well) NYE so I plan on doing not very much at all Xmas day

BurntO · 22/12/2021 19:43

So every year your OH cooks and cleans while you take a nap and leave him to juggle that and the kids?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/12/2021 19:44

@BurntO

So every year your OH cooks and cleans while you take a nap and leave him to juggle that and the kids?
He's a bloody amazing thought to stop you looking rather silly .. RTFT
Sn0tnose · 22/12/2021 19:47

I’m pretty horrified by this thread to be honest. You’re STILL doing the lion’s share of the work and to hear other women tell you that it’s not enough and that you’re lazy for not doing everything is really shocking. I’m really struggling to see the connection between having a penis and being unable to host Christmas. Like these men are competent and capable all year, but the second the tinsel comes out, they turn into helpless babies, unable to wash up and care for their children at the same time.

00100001 · 22/12/2021 19:50

@BurntO

So every year your OH cooks and cleans while you take a nap and leave him to juggle that and the kids?
No... Every year she dies everything for Christmas, except the post dinner clearing up, when she has a nap...
MrsJBaptiste · 22/12/2021 19:53

God, I cant bear adults that 'nap' FFS.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/12/2021 19:55

@MrsJBaptiste

God, I cant bear adults that 'nap' FFS.
What an abelist comment. I can't bear abelist twats. FFS
missfliss · 22/12/2021 19:55

With you OP.

Similar experience in childhood and also resolved to do the same as an adult.

We have a very chilled Xmas and ready prepared food on the day itself ( thanks COOK!)

I do the majority in the run up - the mental Labour that is - planning, buying, wrapping etc - we both work FT and one child with SEN. No family nearby.

Xmas is for the whole family - on the day DS Will open his stocking, we'll have pastries for breakfast. I'll go for a sea swim in the morning then I'll come back and we'll open pressies / cook lunch ( preprepared). Then if I want a nap I'll have one too ! Xmas is for everyone- me included !

Yummymummy2020 · 22/12/2021 20:08

You are so right op! Christmas time is your time too and it sounds like you do plenty!!! Once you are happy and your kids enjoy the day and husband that’s all that matters!!!

bantuknots73 · 22/12/2021 20:08

@MrsJBaptiste

God, I cant bear adults that 'nap' FFS.
What does this even mean??!! Do you know how tiring life is and how exhausting days like Christmas are for people. Even if OP wanted to nap for three hours, what's wrong with that?! Are you the nap police or something😭 I can't even believe the stupidity of this comment
ChargingBuck · 22/12/2021 20:13

@MrsJBaptiste

God, I cant bear adults that 'nap' FFS.
What an extraordinary statement.
FangsForTheMemory · 22/12/2021 20:17

I wonder how many of the people criticising the OP are actually blokes!

DukeofEarlGrey · 22/12/2021 20:21

@SecondSwitch

Ever since I first met dh I made it very clear that I would never be the wife/mother who hosted Christmas. I grew up watching my mother tear her hair out every year at Christmas time, trying to be superwoman and as a result she would lose the plot and ruin Christmas. Every. Single. Year. So I vowed I would never be that person. I buy the children presents, I make all their favorite food, and I usually have a nap on Christmas day while dh cleans up. I've also said that dh is free free invite whoever he wants to Christmas dinner, the door is open to anyone who wants to come, I'll provide booze and snacks, but it's up to him to " host" as such ,as I'm not giving up my Christmas day nap. It's come to my attention that dh"s family think I am incredibly lazy and selfish. AIBU?
No, you are winning at festive life.
mbosnz · 22/12/2021 20:23

DH 'naps'. He works bloody hard, and it's a way to keep on going. You can't bear it? Keep on going.

Lemonlady22 · 22/12/2021 20:26

I feel sad for your mother, why didn't you help her....from your attitude I expect you just like to be waited on...selfish

Pleasedontputthatthere · 22/12/2021 20:32

I really want to come and camp on your lawn and have a fantastically chilled out Christmas now OP.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 22/12/2021 20:36

You're fabulous, OP. I also never, ever entertain any guest except occasionally my best friend. I'm nobody's skivvy.Wine

ILoveYou3000 · 22/12/2021 20:48

@Lemonlady22

I feel sad for your mother, why didn't you help her....from your attitude I expect you just like to be waited on...selfish
🤦🏻‍♀️
TedMullins · 22/12/2021 20:49

@Lemonlady22

I feel sad for your mother, why didn't you help her....from your attitude I expect you just like to be waited on...selfish
You’re asking the wrong question. Why didn’t her father help her mother, and why are so many women as evidenced by this thread still growing up to think they have to run themselves ragged catering to everyone else?
missfliss · 22/12/2021 20:49

Some extraordinary responses on here.

Carry on OP and sod the martyrs

phishy · 22/12/2021 20:50

I wonder how many of the people criticising the OP are actually blokes!

The MRA are active here I reckon.

Goldbar · 22/12/2021 20:56

It seems perfectly fair that one parent (the OP's DH) gets a lie in and the other parent (the OP) gets a nap. I can't see what is unfair about that.

billy1966 · 22/12/2021 20:58

Nothing wrong with what you are doing OP.

You sound very generous opening you home to your family.