“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

[diydh]

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

@diydh

Sorry thought the thread was finished.

MollysDolly - if you have something to say, why don’t you address it to me, rather than all this “what does she bring to the table.?”

Other than that, you have no idea. No idea at all.

Because I was replying to the text I quoted. Which wasn't yours.

@diydh

Most things in life I can ask him, but there are some things I feel I can’t. The way he would react is a certain look on his face which is hard to explain if you don’t know him. So I avoid it and just do stuff myself because it’s easier.

I think this is the crux of the issue that you need to work on. There shouldn't be any level of being scared to ask him things.

If there is any fear/eggshell walking, then there is something wrong in your dynamic, and that part of your relationship needs probing and the kinks ironing out.

Couples help each other OP. He works to support you, so making him lunch shouldn't be an issue.
If it's the way he says it then talk about it, although you also say that's the way he is.... so surely you knew his character all along?

I think MollysDolly's post is one of the most disgusting I've seen on here. A site for mothers about mothers and you post this shit reducing families to money value and nothing else matters. Shame on you.

Op. it might be right for you to leave your therapist. But please think about getting another. Because there were enough people on here who thought your husband was wrong in his expectation and how he talked to you. My dad - born in 1926 - would have thought he was deeply disrespectful. My grandfather born god knows when but probably 1899 or so would have thought the same. Think about this - not about changing your husband or leaving him. but about what you want in the future.

Ignore the women who think being a SAHM means you are now a servant. thats about them not you.

In that tone, he'd be wearing his lunch,

Good God, this thread is still going. Tell your H to get to fuck and have his lunch while he's there.

DH cooks Christmas dinner so he would be talking to himself. I'm making a trifle 😁

OP, as a highly educated woman, do/did you intend never to return to the workplace ?
or is this role just while the children are at school ?
i wish you all the best.

You asked please be honest :

He is a dicked and you should have laughed in his face and told him to do it yourself :)

He sees you as the maid. Not his wife

He is a dickhead *

Do people actually put up with this? Bless.

@diydh

Also, all the people should say they would tell their husband to f off. Would you really say that in reality?

Yes I would. And it would also be peppered with some other expletives. You should go back to work and gain your own independence.

I think if you've been managing the home for 15 years whilst he does the paid work - and in all that time you've done everything food-related - it's not particularly entitled of him to phrase it like that. It's just how your household works.

Now if either of you wants to change how your household works, then you should certainly be able to discuss it - and calmly figure out whether you both agree the changes are reasonable, what the knock-on effects are and how you'll manage them as a household etc. Sounds like this kind of discussion and figuring-out is something you find difficult. Maybe that's more on him, maybe your own difficulty, or maybe both of you (we are all 'works in progress'! )

Do you really avoid doing anything which would have you out of the house over lunchtime so that you can always prepare him lunch? That seems excessive. But if you currently make him lunch every day, then I'd expect you to speak with him about it before-hand.

I'd expect the conversation to go something like
You: I'm meeting x in town tomorrow. What do you want to do for lunch? There's some leftover xyz you could heat up, or the usual sandwich stuff
Him: Oh fine. Feels strange to have to fend for myself! I can heat up the pie. Is there any salad to go with it?
You: there's xyz in the fridge. I can put a coleslaw together for you if you'd like?
Him: that would be great, thanks.
Both happy