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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

838 replies

diydh · 21/12/2021 16:22

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

OP posts:

Mandyjack · 22/12/2021 17:55

@Janemain

My ex husband would never have dared. He would have been:

a) told to get fucked
b) been served something disgusting or laced with laxatives
c) came home to his bags packed

Can see why he didn't hang around then

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/12/2021 17:55

@diydh

Also, all the people should say they would tell their husband to f off. Would you really say that in reality?

If he left me that note? Probably not. I'd just laugh at him and refuse to take him at all seriously.

Needless to say, I would not comply with his imperious 'instruction'.

wellstopdoingitthen · 22/12/2021 17:56

Are you married to Jacob Rees Mog?

Sausagehead · 22/12/2021 17:57

Wow. Cheeky fucker. Take yourself out for lunch and leave a note asking "Did you hire a housekeeper?"

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/12/2021 17:57

@CariadWelshcake

Op, re your husband being a narcissist. I think it’s something I’d ignore given that in my experience over many decades in a culture where men are treated very differently it can often come across that they’re narcissist to when they’re in fact only a product of their upbringing.

These days every second person's a narcissist. Or they know a narcissist, or feel completely competent to diagnose one. No one would case that it's a very rare condition, to that degree at least.

Wankers, however, are ten-a-penny.

girlmom21 · 22/12/2021 17:57

@diydh

Also, all the people should say they would tell their husband to f off. Would you really say that in reality?

I'd tell him to fuck off and laugh then he'd realise how it came across and apologise then ask properly or say he'll make me lunch instead

Longdistance · 22/12/2021 17:57

If my dh spoke to me like that I’d shit on his plate and serve it up with a sprig of parsley.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/12/2021 17:58

'Guess'. Not 'case'.

Whycantibeapuppy · 22/12/2021 18:03

Erm not a chance in hell. In my house I’m the one that works from home and he works on the house. He asks me what time my lunch is and if it matches when he’s hungry he’ll make mine. If it doesn’t match I’ll either get my own or he makes something for me to eat at my desk. Not once have I told him to make me lunch for a time 😂

irregularegular · 22/12/2021 18:03

No, not like that.

The closest would be "I'm going out at X time tonight for Y, so do you think we could have dinner early, or shall I just grab myself something?"

I do pretty much always cook dinner, so he would expect it. He does other things (eg all the laundry). We do our own lunch basically so it wouldn't arise at lunchtime.

Cherryberrybonbon · 22/12/2021 18:04

This work from home shit has ruined etiquette in relationships completely! So many people say the same thing

blacksax · 22/12/2021 18:09

@blueshiningsea

I thought of you today OP as I got home from a full on day at work and asked my husband (who is a teacher and had broken up for Christmas) ‘where is my dinner’ 😳

Ah, but did you, as you walked out of the door this morning on your way to work, say to him: "Please have dinner ready for 6pm. Thank you."?

KMHStone · 22/12/2021 18:11

Depends on my mood. If he had been good recently I would do it. If I was in a bad mood I would bollock him. I'm pretty moody so my response would vary depending on the day if I'm being honest.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/12/2021 18:25

Hmm, not unless he wanted to wear it

Agapornis · 22/12/2021 18:29

Have you asked your therapist whether she knows much about your/husband's culture? As @CaliforniaDrumming said, think about finding a therapist who at least understands that element - but not to such a degree they make excuses for shit behaviour!
The finances being confusing to you isn't great, I wouldn't be happy with them being Mysterious, even if I did have access to money.

Plunger · 22/12/2021 18:32

It's 1pm somewhere! 🤣

LouH1981 · 22/12/2021 18:34

I guess it depends why. If it was so that he could eat quickly because he needed to be somewhere important then it wouldn’t bother me and I’d want to help. (Mainly because my DH would do it for me) If he was just being demanding in general I would tell him to make it himself.

FootieMama · 22/12/2021 18:35

What I gathered from your several posts is that your husband is kind of your boss? There seems to be a dynamic where you are stuck as his supporting role without personal objectives. Your children are old enough that you could start working part-time. And I think you don't do that because you know he wouldn't be very happy about it after all you already have a job that is supporting him. There isn't seem to be a partnership of equals as I don't think you decided to assume this role. You just kind of fell into this pattern that he expected of you. Just consider if that's what you want for your life. If it yes it's fine. But if you are unfulfilled start taking small steps and being less available to him. I am 100% sure he can make his own lunch. Good luck!

Floundery · 22/12/2021 18:35

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SunshineCake1 · 22/12/2021 18:38

You're not going to let him give her them are you @Floundery?
Don't give her a shit present because he can't be arsed!

Nayday · 22/12/2021 18:41

Ah OP, I've read all your posts on this thread, and all responses are all about what your DH wants and has wanted, and what your therapist thinks.

What do you want? What do you think?

Because for some this traditional set up works very well, and for others it doesn't. There's no one way to live a life despite what some may say. Some people don't work and are responsible for the running of their household, including all meals. In other homes both parties work and take joint responsibility.

That you are posting on here indicates you're not happy though, something is niggling you.

Ps narcissist is freely chucked around, too much I think. Not sure how your therapist thinks she can diagnose someone she's not treating?! Possible therapist change...

MammaMacgill87 · 22/12/2021 18:44

Unless you are paid employee then ......

ChelleMum85 · 22/12/2021 18:47

@diydh

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

I wouldn't say anything and just not make it. Let the silence say it all.

5128gap · 22/12/2021 18:48

Not in so many words. But he might say 'if I pop back for 1 could you make me a sandwich ready' which amounts to the same thing, just less formally expressed. For the record, I'd say this to him too, depending on which one of us was around and who needed lunch at a certain time.

takenforgrantednana · 22/12/2021 18:53

if mine did that he would be getting a floor plan of the house with clear instructions on where the fridge is, and then he can please himself when he decided to use the map

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