@Melstarrynight
It was not a polite request to a wife and equal. It was more like a command to the maid!
So what exactly does OP practically bring to the table?
She doesn't work, and not because he's told her. She doesn't want too. She's said that. And when people have said, "get a job", it's "oh no, I can't, he wouldn't like that." Or is it, that OP likes being at home (as she states) with everything paid for, and uses the excuse that her DH wouldn't like it, to deflect from her not having a reason to stay unemployed. And also it paints him a certain way. I agree with PP, it sounds like OP needs to change her therapist, who she's hanging on every word of, and seems to be the foundation of this "poor me" mindset.
Then there's the children, and childcare. All the children are in full time education.
Yet she's professionally offended that whilst she happily sits eating the food he's bought for her, she's got to plate him up some as well, because he's working.
Can you imagine that? Someone paying for all the stuff for lunch, for you and your three children to eat, and you happily take it all, whilst living in the house they also provide for you, yet when they say "I'll have my sandwich at 1 please", you act like the audacity
Yes. Quite. The audacity.
She doesn't pay off the mortgage. She doesn't pay any of the bills. Nor her clothes. Her food. Her haircuts. Her holidays. Not a penny. She and the children have everything in their lives bought and paid for, by him.
So, no, this isn't very equal at all. At DHs expense. And she's whining that he said "please make a sandwich". The bastard.
Beggars belief.