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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Please have lunch ready for 1pm. Thankyou.”

838 replies

diydh · 21/12/2021 16:22

I’m interested to know if anyone else’s husband would say this in the morning before disappearing into his office for several hours. Please be honest.

YABU - yes, fair enough
YANBU - no, he is being quite bossy

OP posts:
DDMAC · 22/12/2021 18:58

Mine would 😳I get a text every day on his way home and again when he’s halfway, he used to do this for his mother when he lived at home way before we got together. That way his mother would literally be putting the dinner onto the table as he walked in the door. I have never had the dinner on the table when he walks in in 13 years. Do I do it on purpose, of course

Nailsbythesea · 22/12/2021 19:03

I ask for the number of the chef and housekeeper from him. What a twat!!!

I'd then throw some dirty washing at him and ask him to have it cleaner and pressed for 3 pm with a come on -chop,chop thrown in............

diamondpony80 · 22/12/2021 19:04

Nope, if I’m the one preparing lunch I tell HIM what time it’ll be ready, not the other way around. I’m not his employee.

BrusselPout · 22/12/2021 19:09

Not if he wanted to live until lunchtime

Allybob88 · 22/12/2021 19:11

100% and id follow it up with 'what did your last slave die of?'

justhavingmysay · 22/12/2021 19:19

Of course you should have his lunch on the table at 1pm. and his slippers warmed by his armchair at 5pm. You can then run a nice bath for him and have his supper on the table at 7pm prompt. After all we are living in the 1950s now.

TheRemotePart · 22/12/2021 19:22

I actually don’t mind this at all
You’re in?
hes neuro atypical?
He said “darling “ and “please?”
Was he maybe on Work Mode and already started in without thinking?
Did he have a tight space only for lunch at 1pm?
Meh ..

whowhatwhen · 22/12/2021 19:23

I think it depends on what your roles are in the home and what his job is like, probsies need some context.

If either one of my husbands or I was being absolutely slammed at work (we do equally stressful jobs in private practice), this wouldn't be an unreasonable comment.

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 22/12/2021 19:25

@diydh when you ask if we really would tell our DH to F off, yes I would! I did when he tried the, ‘cup of coffee’ text on my day off. It’s not an acceptable way to speak to your partner and there’s not a chance I’d have not called him out on it!

AcrossthePond55 · 22/12/2021 19:41

I just keep hearing it in Lady Grantham's voice...."Carson, please tell Mrs Patmore to have lunch ready for 1pm. Thank you." Not a request. A 'command'.

Just because someone says 'please' and 'thank you' it doesn't make it any less a command. If he'd simply prefaced it with "Would you mind..." or "Could you...." it would have come across so differently!

Chandimum · 22/12/2021 19:42

@helpfulperson

Not more than once.
This 🤣👌🏼
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/12/2021 19:43

Why would you even put up with this?

Repecka · 22/12/2021 19:50

I’d give him a bowl of water and tell him to do one.
Not a chance in hell I’d be anyone’s doormat

dottybabe · 22/12/2021 19:51

I was going to ask what Bluntness asked....do your children see this.....so now I'm asking are you OK with your children seeing this?

If they were in this relationship, what would you advise them?

StationaryMagpie · 22/12/2021 19:53

as i said upthread, my ex got "what did your last slave die of?" i also use the phrase with my kids when they issue orders at me, along with a pointed "Excuse me?"

I am not the household servant, i expect manners to be used when speaking to me.

Hexagon · 22/12/2021 19:55

I'm quite surprised by the angry response that this post has got. I don't think there's anything wrong with the message. It's to the point but he says "please". I would expect to make lunch for my husband if he was busy and working from home and I was home too. OP's husband isn't lazing about on the couch drinking beer and expecting his wife to wait on him hand and foot.

CaliforniaDrumming · 22/12/2021 19:57

@Hexagon

I'm quite surprised by the angry response that this post has got. I don't think there's anything wrong with the message. It's to the point but he says "please". I would expect to make lunch for my husband if he was busy and working from home and I was home too. OP's husband isn't lazing about on the couch drinking beer and expecting his wife to wait on him hand and foot.
You have to read her updates to understand that he is really rather controlling and bossy. Of course, you may not have the time!
Londoncallingme · 22/12/2021 19:58

Depends on how he said it. And your situation. I usually make lunch for DH / he works 6 days a week, I choose not to work.
If I’m going out then I make sure there’s soup or something for a sandwich. If I’m in I make his lunch. If he had a small window for lunch between 1 and 1.30, he would ask for lunch at 1. Not a problem.

choc1cheese1 · 22/12/2021 20:01

@TractorAndHeadphones wouldn’t even speak like this to my PA, good grief!!

StationaryMagpie · 22/12/2021 20:02

@Hexagon

I'm quite surprised by the angry response that this post has got. I don't think there's anything wrong with the message. It's to the point but he says "please". I would expect to make lunch for my husband if he was busy and working from home and I was home too. OP's husband isn't lazing about on the couch drinking beer and expecting his wife to wait on him hand and foot.
because its not how you ask your wife to do something, he's speaking to her like she's the hired help.
forestlovr · 22/12/2021 20:03

Where do people find these men who don't do things for themselves? What century is he living in? He's a grown man he can make is own lunch.

qpmz · 22/12/2021 20:13

@whowhatwhen

I think it depends on what your roles are in the home and what his job is like, probsies need some context.

If either one of my husbands or I was being absolutely slammed at work (we do equally stressful jobs in private practice), this wouldn't be an unreasonable comment.

How many husbands have you got? Grin
CharityDingle · 22/12/2021 20:15

@whowhatwhen

I think it depends on what your roles are in the home and what his job is like, probsies need some context.

If either one of my husbands or I was being absolutely slammed at work (we do equally stressful jobs in private practice), this wouldn't be an unreasonable comment.

OP has explained the context, and what their respective roles are.
Thwackit · 22/12/2021 20:18

I do make lunch for my husband because he has an extremely busy and pressurised job whereas sometimes I’m not doing anything at all at lunch time so it makes sense for me to help him. So all of the comments about him being an adult etc aren’t especially helpful because they assume you
are equally busy and he’s just clicking his fingers at you as if you are a maid. If you are free to help save him time, then why not? However, the wording is rude. My husband at least says something along the lines of ‘would you be able to do me a sandwich for 1.20? Thanks x’.

WTF475878237NC · 22/12/2021 20:20

I think I misunderstood the OP and thought they were equally busy.