tat from B&M for christmas

[tatfrombandm]

This didn't happen today but I've been feeling somewhat unreasonably cross at DP for about a week now as I know I'm being ungreatful, some people get nothing. I didn't know the bags in the hall were for christmas so I had a peek to see where things go to put it away, but as they appeared to be gifts I didn't touch them. DP had just come back from B&M and was in bed with netflix. DP later tells me not to look in the bags as they're presents from me. They are cheap, and unthoughtful gifts ie low end chocolates, cheap shower products that will make me itch (he knows I've got sensitive skin) And I'd rather he hadn't got me anything at all as I get chocolate every other week anyway in the main supermarket shop. I'm not sure what the purpose of this thread is other than complaining but I suppose you lot can use this thread for complaining about tat from B&M. And for the record the presents I got for him were well thought out and expensive

You've been together for years, yet can't communicate with each other. When he said that he didn't want to do presents anymore, you ignored that, so are dismissive of his opinion. Your problems are bigger than B&M generic gifts.

You're not allowed to swear at people @tatfrombandm.

Stop moaning then.

@Nickwinkle

Could it be that they're not your main present and they're just 'stocking fillers'? Or maybe he's getting a good selection of stuff together to make a hamper. Just little things that you'd use everyday but sometime's that's better than some flashy, expensive thing you're never gonna use.

For friend's birthdays I usually go to B&M (I wouldn't say their branded stuff is any less than what you buy in a supermarket, FYI) and get loads of little bits to put together in a hamper; facemasks, smellies, lotions, hot chocolate, slippers, hot water bottles... Are you saying that your response is how they think and I'm actually an awful cheap-skate friend despite those things racking up about £40-£50 in total? Jeez. Thanks.

You sound extremely ungrateful and if it really bothers you that much then say something to him but I wouldn't expect a great reaction.

Not all presents have to be expensive to be good. Sometimes small, cheap and sentimental is better.

I wouldn’t think you were cheap but I’d be disappointed that you’d spent £50 on that sort of thing. I’d be over the moon with a £5 greggs voucher rather than £50 worth of bits and bobs I likely wouldn’t use.

@cansu

I think you need to decide today that gifts are finished. I don't get gifts really anymore from my partner so I don't buy for him other than a token that doesn't piss me off. In some ways I agree with stopping the gift buying. He had a very weird approach to it where he wanted very specific, expensive items whereas I preferred it to be give someone some ideas (not very expensive) and let them surprise you. In any case, I would be very irritated to be bought a load of tat. I would rather have nothing.

I get why you would post this, but it sounds horribly defeatist and plays into the husband's hands. I don't think it will stop anyone feeling unappreciated and unloved to just cave and say "no presents". I'm sure the man in this case would be delighted with that outsome too.

I'm so sorry op, it sounds horrible and I would be incredibly upset too. Is it a reflection of your relationship in general? It sounds like it might be.

I’m a b&m snob too. The rest of my family like to shop there and buy me and the dc shit from there that we don’t need so I feel your pain 😬. Like you I can’t use most of the smelly gift sets due to sensitive skin and I would prefer a small box of posh chocolates over several larger boxes/tubs of Cadbury chocolates (or similar). Most the stuff in B&M seems cheep unless it’s branded stuff. I would be a bit listed off if my dh (i don’t have one) bought my gifts in there 😬, it’s bad enough that my mother buys my gifts in there.

The gift sets are great to go in the school raffle 😬

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

My dh asked me what I wanted for Christmas. He asked me to give him a list of things. I did but told him to only choose one thing from the list. They varied from £10-£70. He's already told me he's not getting me any of the things on my list. He doesn't think I need them

I don't even know what to say to that!

Why ask what you want then?! It's about what people would like to receive not what you want to give surely!?

@SnarkyBag

I do sometimes wonder in these situations why people continue to buy expensive and well thought out gifts? If you know it’s coming with the cheap and crap stuff it seems to me your gift buying is an exercise in martyrdom. Why add the the hurt on Xmas day by knowing handing over expensive gifts in exchange for a pile of cheap shite? He’s an arse but where is your sense of self worth and dignity here?

Agreed, and it's a recurring theme on here, not just at Christmas.

One partner putting thought and a lot of money into presents, the other either giving nothing or damn all, in return.

Tbf - I happily shop in B&M myself. I just don't expect to receive gifts from there.

Just like I also shop in Morrisons, but don't expect my DH to give me Morrisons stuff for Xmas.

Gifts are meant to be personal, and supermarkets/home bargain stores don't really sell that kind of thing. I guess the exception would be a nice bottle of whisky / gin or something like that, which you could definitely buy in a supermarket, but 'smellies', 'lotions' etc? Nah.

(Tbh, the minute I hear the word 'smellies' I know that the giver has put zero thought into what the recipient actually wants. It's a generic word for a generic female gift.)

That's so rude and lazy of him.

Tell him you don't want B&M presents. He needs to take them back and spend x amount on you.

Give him a list of things he can choose from.

Hang on.

Putting aside what the gifts are, he has gone out and bought stuff for you, left it in the hall not bothering to hide it and then fucked off to bed to watch Netflix?
That says a lot about how little he cares.

My parents got a bit like this over the years. I think these days my mum finds something she’d like and asks my dad if that can be her present. Then she buys it and he sends her the money for it. I’ve always thought this is a bit sad since she buys him lovely thoughtful things but I just think he has no idea what to get her.

(For context my dad once wrapped a box filled with scrunched up newspaper for me and my sister. Out of about 50 sheets of scrunched paper one contained a banana, one a j20 and one a 5GB usb - it was fun actually but it was a mental gift.)

Does he get you good birthday presents? Could is be that he's just not as invested in the actual premise of Christmas as the rest of us, or is he like this with everything?

It's bad to pour scorn on someone, who has bought you gifts, wherever they are from. Thankfully not everyone has this kind of mindset.

@1forAll74

It's bad to pour scorn on someone, who has bought you gifts, wherever they are from. Thankfully not everyone has this kind of mindset.

Are you serious?

Would you be happy for your partner, the person you share your life with, to buy you a load of tat for Xmas, putting no thought into it at all?

I don't think this is about price or snobbery. Most people would rather receive one thoughtful gift for £10 than £100 of thoughtless generic tat.

How is rest of the relationship @tatfrombandm? Reading between the lines it doesnt sound good

@Honeymint

My parents got a bit like this over the years. I think these days my mum finds something she’d like and asks my dad if that can be her present. Then she buys it and he sends her the money for it. I’ve always thought this is a bit sad since she buys him lovely thoughtful things but I just think he has no idea what to get her.

(For context my dad once wrapped a box filled with scrunched up newspaper for me and my sister. Out of about 50 sheets of scrunched paper one contained a banana, one a j20 and one a 5GB usb - it was fun actually but it was a mental gift.)

This is why i work my arse off to teach the male teens in my life how to shop for Xmas gifts. Have helped a 15yo and 9yo pick out gifts for their mum. Made the 15yo do recon on what tea she drinks, soap/perfume she uses, favourite chocolate. That sort of stuff.

He absolutely aced figuring it out wit a few pointers.

We’re just going to get another generation of useless blokes if we don’t teach them.

My own DC is figuring this out too and has realised that sometimes a shiny new gardening fork, a bag of good coffee and a nice mug or welly boot spcks are much more appreciated than a ‘Xmas gift set’.

Me and DH don't really do big presents. We tend to get each other one small thing, and we don't spend much. But I'd be really upset if he didn't even try to get something that he thought I would like.

It's bad to pour scorn on someone, who has bought you gifts, wherever they are from. Thankfully not everyone has this kind of mindset

You do realise that gifts aren't always just gifts right. Sometimes they are a passive aggressive attack. Sometimes they are a way to insult or take the piss out of you. Sometimes they are just saving someone a trip to the tip.

Not all gifts are some thoughtful token of their love or appreciation or high regard fir u

I'd rather have 1 inexpensive, thoughtful gift that could fit in a pocket, to a big bag of shite. Some people appear to choose quantity over quality.

@tatfrombandm

Why on earth are you being so rude to @SunshineCake1?! She was being supportive and YOU'RE the one on here moaning about him?! Absolutely bizarre and really uncalled for.

On one hand I'd say be grateful you have been given something as I've just seen a post from a woman who wont be getting anything at all and would love just something small and cheap

On the other hand it looks bad that he hasn't put any thought in to what he has got you, maybe for next year write a list of a few things you'd like (i know it spoils the surprise but at least you would like it) or instead of buying each other gifts next year buy something for yourselves instead

If I was in your position, and assuming things are generally ok/he is thoughtful in other areas, would leave his gifts under tree and smile sweetly when you get your tat. You are right to feel disappointed but brooding on it will only make you feel worse.

Next year, I would buy myself a few lovely presents, wrap them beautifully and put under the tree. Buy him a couple of inepensive token gifts (not tat - but low effort). Enjoy his surprise when you open your presents yourself.

If his thoughtless extends much wider, you have bigger things to consider/worry about.

@PriamFarrl

Hang on.

Putting aside what the gifts are, he has gone out and bought stuff for you, left it in the hall not bothering to hide it and then fucked off to bed to watch Netflix?
That says a lot about how little he cares.

Yeah, he sounds like a slob. Can he not pick up after himself, op?

Putting aside what the gifts are, he has gone out and bought stuff for you, left it in the hall not bothering to hide it and then fucked off to bed to watch Netflix?
That says a lot about how little he cares.
This, in spades! It’s a giant “fuck you”.

I don’t actually know what B&M is but Google suggests it’s like Wilko crossed with Poundland? He’s basically got you a big bag of shite and doesn’t even care that he’s spoiled the surprise of the big bag of shite.

Not too late to buy yourself something nice and wrap it, I have done just that! My DH wouldn't know what to buy me but would fund my own choice of gift - and would know better than to wrap up tat.
I totally get why you are fuming, it's much worse than no present. If you are going to confront him, do it now to avoid an atmosphere on Christmas day itself. Be calm but firm.