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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

tat from B&M for christmas

287 replies

tatfrombandm · 21/12/2021 15:18

This didn't happen today but I've been feeling somewhat unreasonably cross at DP for about a week now as I know I'm being ungreatful, some people get nothing. I didn't know the bags in the hall were for christmas so I had a peek to see where things go to put it away, but as they appeared to be gifts I didn't touch them. DP had just come back from B&M and was in bed with netflix. DP later tells me not to look in the bags as they're presents from me. They are cheap, and unthoughtful gifts ie low end chocolates, cheap shower products that will make me itch (he knows I've got sensitive skin) And I'd rather he hadn't got me anything at all as I get chocolate every other week anyway in the main supermarket shop. I'm not sure what the purpose of this thread is other than complaining but I suppose you lot can use this thread for complaining about tat from B&M. And for the record the presents I got for him were well thought out and expensive

OP posts:
PumpkinEye · 21/12/2021 17:23

[quote harriethoyle]@tatfrombandm

Why on earth are you being so rude to @SunshineCake1?! She was being supportive and YOU'RE the one on here moaning about him?! Absolutely bizarre and really uncalled for.[/quote]
@harriethoyle I think op just tagged the wrong person.

harriethoyle · 21/12/2021 17:24

@PumpkinEye -I hope so - I'm outraged on a stranger's behalf if not! Xmas Grin

Viviennemary · 21/12/2021 17:25

Quite simply you are with the wrong person. I would expect better too.

PferdeMerde · 21/12/2021 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

PumpkinEye · 21/12/2021 17:26

@harriethoyle better to care than not 😅

CSJobseeker · 21/12/2021 17:26

Google suggests it’s like Wilko crossed with Poundland?

Closer to Wilko than Poundland, but yes.

It's where I go to buy cleaning products or practical stuff that they sell cheaper than elsewhere. The only toiletries they sell are the kind you'd get in any generic supermarket.

united4ever · 21/12/2021 17:27

I don't see the need for most grown ups to buy presents for each other. Headache for the buyer and so many people get crap that they don't want that just clutters the house or ends up in the bin.

OkThenJustChill · 21/12/2021 17:28

I would hold back a few of his presents and replace them with cheap tat. You can keep some for his birthday if you don't want to return them.

If you don't want to confront him and you don't want to return his gifts then I don't see any other option. He sounds like a prick tbh.

GoodnightGrandma · 21/12/2021 17:30

If you don’t say something this will happen every time, he will think it’s OK.

Marmelace · 21/12/2021 17:30

My mum buys her husband the presents that she wants, knowing he won't bother with them and she will end up using them.

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/12/2021 17:31

Yanbu at all op I would be furious.

AngelinaFibres · 21/12/2021 17:31

@tatfrombandm

This didn't happen today but I've been feeling somewhat unreasonably cross at DP for about a week now as I know I'm being ungreatful, some people get nothing. I didn't know the bags in the hall were for christmas so I had a peek to see where things go to put it away, but as they appeared to be gifts I didn't touch them. DP had just come back from B&M and was in bed with netflix. DP later tells me not to look in the bags as they're presents from me. They are cheap, and unthoughtful gifts ie low end chocolates, cheap shower products that will make me itch (he knows I've got sensitive skin) And I'd rather he hadn't got me anything at all as I get chocolate every other week anyway in the main supermarket shop. I'm not sure what the purpose of this thread is other than complaining but I suppose you lot can use this thread for complaining about tat from B&M. And for the record the presents I got for him were well thought out and expensive
Why would he leave your unwrapped Christmas presents in bags in the hall.
NumberTheory · 21/12/2021 17:32

I just recalled that after last years christmas he said he doesn't want to do it anymore as I'm too old and should know better.

I think this changes things a bit. Of he's expressed the desire to not do presents anymore then that makes the presents you bought him much less thoughtful.

His "too old and should know better" is a bit nasty and makes it sound like he wants to stop because he can't be bothered. But it may be that he finds your present buying for him and the expectations you have around him buying you presents really stressful and that it takes the shine off, perhaps.

I think you should go and talk to him - tell him that you saw what was in the bags. You feel let down but know he'll find that ungrateful and you've just remembered what he said about presents last year, so could you maybe talk about it? Because you find it upsetting that he doesn't seem to want to think about what you'd like and maybe you can find a way to express your appreciation for each other that you can both enjoy?

gingerbiscuits · 21/12/2021 17:32

You're not being at all unreasonable or ungrateful - I would be devastated if my husband panic bought me some utter tat for Christmas! Its not about money or where it came from - it's the thought & the effort.

I'd say something now otherwise Christmas Day will be awful - you'll have to try & hide your upset & seethe inwardly all day. Also, he'll think it's absolutely fine to do it again next year!!

OwlNChips · 21/12/2021 17:33

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to hold back if my husband did this.

I'd be saying ' please don't buy me shit from B & M - I don't want it, I'd prefer the fiver it cost you if you can't even be arsed to buy me proper gifts.'

I'm one of those 'snobby' people who expect decent gifts though and I make no apology for that

MissNothing1991 · 21/12/2021 17:35

@tatfrombandm

I forgot to mention he's even got hot chocolate for me that's even cheaper than the stuff we usually get. Knowing him I can't say anything and just need to accept it or he'll call me ungreatful and be in a mood
You are ungrateful. Why don't you ask him to exchange for a dictionary?
CheshireKitten123 · 21/12/2021 17:35

"The presents I used to get were expensive and well thought out, things he knew i wanted, and then over the years it just got cheaper and cheaper and now its tat from b&m"

So have you told him how you felt about this OP , or have you just let it get to the 'tat' stage before you get a strop on?

This is your fault because you didn't communicate with him about what you wanted.

Jenasaurus · 21/12/2021 17:35

I agree with other PP, take his present back and use the money to buy him some tat, maybe a lynx set and then use the rest to buy yourself a nice present you really want, if he complains about his present, say that you thought he should have grown out of Christmas by his age.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 21/12/2021 17:36

So, it was not cheap tat, but one year I lost an earring back while doing Christmas Eve stuff and stopped into a local jeweller at about 4pm to get some more. A bloke came in and said he needed a gift. The staff person asked 'earrings, ring, bracelet or necklace?' He replied, 'don't know'. Gold or silver? Don't know. As he walked past me to the display cabinet she rolled her eyes at me and I left the shop hoping she sold him something expensive to make up for him being such a last minute thoughtless twat. For me, it is not about how expensive something is, it is the thought. Of which OP partner has expended precisely none.

Maplesyrup6734 · 21/12/2021 17:38

Not too late to buy yourself something nice and wrap it, I have done just that!

This. I've started doing this. I don't want to appear ungrateful but my gifts appear to be last minute gifts off the supermarket shelf and pretty predictable. I overheard a man doing the same thing today - talking to an older child about potential gifts for mum and just grabbing the first things to hand off the shelf. The bulk of Christmas tends to fall to me. I want to spoil myself a little. I don't spend a huge amount - just a few small good quality pamper me things/stationery items that are tailored to me and what I like.

GoodnightGrandma · 21/12/2021 17:39

I think I would let it go for now, you don’t want to have a shitty Xmas.
I’d plan to buy yourself something you do want in the sales and then, when all is calm, have a chat about how disappointed you were and what you can do next time so that no one is upset.
It might be that you don’t do presents, so you just treat yourself to something nice, or he makes more of an effort. Either way, don’t do any to upset your Xmas.
But personally I’d LTB.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/12/2021 17:42

Some of us “poorer” people like stuff from B& M

Cut your coat according to your cloth. But she evidently is not poor, so she doesn't want tat that will presumably head straight off to a charity shop. Why make a little angry face because she doesn't want cheap shit?

And for the record, when I was on the bones of my arse, I still didn't like that cheap shit. You think a rash from cheap shower gel is a badge of honour?

VincentIsLost · 21/12/2021 17:43

@united4ever

I don't see the need for most grown ups to buy presents for each other. Headache for the buyer and so many people get crap that they don't want that just clutters the house or ends up in the bin.

Don't you? Then you are hugely unqualified to comment on this thread. I can't begin to imagine why you read it at all as it's something that you don't do.

SunshineCake1 · 21/12/2021 17:44

[quote harriethoyle]@tatfrombandm

Why on earth are you being so rude to @SunshineCake1?! She was being supportive and YOU'RE the one on here moaning about him?! Absolutely bizarre and really uncalled for.[/quote]
Flowers. Thank you. Merry Christmas 🎄

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/12/2021 17:44

Why don't you have the heart to return his gifts? It sounds like you have all the heart for both of you and he has none.

Unwrap his presents, find the receipts, take them back, then go on a trolley dash through Poundland. Use the money leftover to buy yourself something you like.

And if he's going to be this much of a twat, perhaps just cut your losses and tell him no more presents. Then you can just put thought into treating yourself instead.

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