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Original poster

tat from B&M for christmas

287 replies

tatfrombandm · 21/12/2021 15:18

This didn't happen today but I've been feeling somewhat unreasonably cross at DP for about a week now as I know I'm being ungreatful, some people get nothing. I didn't know the bags in the hall were for christmas so I had a peek to see where things go to put it away, but as they appeared to be gifts I didn't touch them. DP had just come back from B&M and was in bed with netflix. DP later tells me not to look in the bags as they're presents from me. They are cheap, and unthoughtful gifts ie low end chocolates, cheap shower products that will make me itch (he knows I've got sensitive skin) And I'd rather he hadn't got me anything at all as I get chocolate every other week anyway in the main supermarket shop. I'm not sure what the purpose of this thread is other than complaining but I suppose you lot can use this thread for complaining about tat from B&M. And for the record the presents I got for him were well thought out and expensive

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 21/12/2021 16:08

Just leave one present under the tree..hide the rest.

If he asks say you sent the rest back as you could see he had only been to b&m and you did not want to embarrass him .

Honestly teach him a lesson. Save the other presents for birthday.

smashingbaubles · 21/12/2021 16:09

Honestly I’d leave DH if he started buying me stuff like that for Christmas. Gifts (giving them and getting them) is my love language and a well thought out present is crucial to me feeling loved.

Even when we were dirt poor DH always managed to get me 1 or 2 really considerate, lovely gifts.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 21/12/2021 16:10

as for your lazy, inconsiderate DH, I'd be tempted to say, 'oh I wasn't looking in any present bag - it was just household stuff from B&M'.

Good answer !

Being accused of being ungrateful ? That's a very parental attitude to your life partner.

(I'm itching to get to B&M to get a sleigh shaped sauce boat that I saw in the Christmas episode of the t.v. show, 'Mandy' last night !!)

NotAgainUh · 21/12/2021 16:11

No. I totally get it.

I've spent hundreds on DP getting him things he would like. Ordering weeks in advance of Christmas to make sure they arrived on time.

He was going B&M with a mate and I told him, outright I did not want my presents from there. He actually was going to get my presents...

I told him I don't want generic 'woman' gifts. I want personal, thoughtful gifts and you won't find them there.

It's not snobbish.

It's simply wanting to receive gifts that match the quality of the gifts you give.

Too many mums go all out for the whole family than accept they will get generic tat themselves. Angry

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 21/12/2021 16:11

Right so he has told you he doesn't want to do gift swapping anymore, but you bought for him anyway?

Why not either tell him that's not what you want or in future, spend the money on a present for yourself!

middleager · 21/12/2021 16:11

I'm just back from B&M having bought some stocking fillers, I'd be ticked off of my DH had bought my main gifts there.
Instead of lots of tat, just get one nice gift instead!

Last year I received a small box of Toffifee from there (not DH) and I didn't see the point. It wasn't even a nice gift in the 80s.

cansu · 21/12/2021 16:13

I think you need to decide today that gifts are finished. I don't get gifts really anymore from my partner so I don't buy for him other than a token that doesn't piss me off. In some ways I agree with stopping the gift buying. He had a very weird approach to it where he wanted very specific, expensive items whereas I preferred it to be give someone some ideas (not very expensive) and let them surprise you. In any case, I would be very irritated to be bought a load of tat. I would rather have nothing.

Blueberrycreampie · 21/12/2021 16:14

Just say that you'd already looked and that you won't use any of the stuff so he'll need to return it or give it away. Say it calmly and without emotion but be firm.

AMerryNickelChristmas · 21/12/2021 16:14

@middleager

I'm just back from B&M having bought some stocking fillers, I'd be ticked off of my DH had bought my main gifts there. Instead of lots of tat, just get one nice gift instead!

Last year I received a small box of Toffifee from there (not DH) and I didn't see the point. It wasn't even a nice gift in the 80s.

Whereas I absolutely love finding Toffifee in my stocking [yum]
Blueberrycreampie · 21/12/2021 16:15

@woodlandarchitect

I got out of date tonic and last years gin! (Not from DH)

Blush I haven’t said a word though…

I would be ok with that🙂
SpeckledlyHen · 21/12/2021 16:15

@Nickwinkle

Could it be that they're not your main present and they're just 'stocking fillers'? Or maybe he's getting a good selection of stuff together to make a hamper. Just little things that you'd use everyday but sometime's that's better than some flashy, expensive thing you're never gonna use.

For friend's birthdays I usually go to B&M (I wouldn't say their branded stuff is any less than what you buy in a supermarket, FYI) and get loads of little bits to put together in a hamper; facemasks, smellies, lotions, hot chocolate, slippers, hot water bottles... Are you saying that your response is how they think and I'm actually an awful cheap-skate friend despite those things racking up about £40-£50 in total? Jeez. Thanks.

You sound extremely ungrateful and if it really bothers you that much then say something to him but I wouldn't expect a great reaction.

Not all presents have to be expensive to be good. Sometimes small, cheap and sentimental is better.

I would absolutely hate this! lots of little bits = tat in my opinion. Total tat and rubbish that is of no use to me whatsoever. This is the sort of thing my MIL will do, we have a secret santa and spend £75 on one person. She will spend £75 on perhaps 15 different items (mini golf table toy, plastic guinness glass etc) rather than the one £75 item the person put on their wish list.

It is thoughtless and the OP is not ungrateful.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/12/2021 16:17

@Nickwinkle

Could it be that they're not your main present and they're just 'stocking fillers'? Or maybe he's getting a good selection of stuff together to make a hamper. Just little things that you'd use everyday but sometime's that's better than some flashy, expensive thing you're never gonna use.

For friend's birthdays I usually go to B&M (I wouldn't say their branded stuff is any less than what you buy in a supermarket, FYI) and get loads of little bits to put together in a hamper; facemasks, smellies, lotions, hot chocolate, slippers, hot water bottles... Are you saying that your response is how they think and I'm actually an awful cheap-skate friend despite those things racking up about £40-£50 in total? Jeez. Thanks.

You sound extremely ungrateful and if it really bothers you that much then say something to him but I wouldn't expect a great reaction.

Not all presents have to be expensive to be good. Sometimes small, cheap and sentimental is better.

Lol at getting all offended without actually realising what the issue is! The fact that you buy that stuff for your friends is "normal". As someone else pointed out, it's generic women gifts and most women appreciate that from FRIENDS.

Your husband who's supposed to know you better than anyone else, who could spend time choosing something personal and thoughtful showing that they appreciate and care about you shouldn't be buying those sorts of gifts (unless you've asked for them!)

OP I think my DH has probably bought generic women's gifts too and I'm definitely going to pull him up on it this year. I've spent a lot of time choosing nice things for him on top of doing all the other gift shopping. It isn't exactly hard for them to spend some time thinking about it rather than just grabbing whatever looks female from a B&M shelf

cptartapp · 21/12/2021 16:18

YANBU.
We agreed food and drink pressies with SIL last year and went to M&S for theirs.
I got a plastic lazy Susan with six bags of Cheddars and a dirt cheap apple sauce and mint jelly set all from B&M off them.
We don't do pressies anymore.

AngelicaElizaAndPeggy · 21/12/2021 16:19

I don't mind what my husband gets me, we are both busy and we only get each other small things.

I think the bigger issue here is that he's just dumped them all in the hall and can't even be assed to put them away anywhere. So, now it's something else for you to trip over and tidy round and you're meant to know not to look inside the bags? What a lazy sod. I'd put them in the bin OP- tell him you presumed it was all put there for recycling. He can't be angry at you because it's his own lazy fault.

Where others say talk to him and face up to it, I say - go the full passive aggressive!

user9764577436 · 21/12/2021 16:20

I have to disagree with the ‘snob’ comment… and I am usually the one to go against the grain on here.

I have told my husband that if he can’t think of anything actually nice for me that isn’t an easy cop-out gift then I’d rather buy myself stuff in the sales. I have bought him a present I know he will absolutely love and am happy to have him be the only one of us with a gift rather than get actual shit - expensive or not.

I say either tell him now that you’ve seen it and you hope you have more to open or just let it go by and buy yourself some stuff in the sales.

SnarkyBag · 21/12/2021 16:20

I do sometimes wonder in these situations why people continue to buy expensive and well thought out gifts? If you know it’s coming with the cheap and crap stuff it seems to me your gift buying is an exercise in martyrdom. Why add the the hurt on Xmas day by knowing handing over expensive gifts in exchange for a pile of cheap shite?
He’s an arse but where is your sense of self worth and dignity here?

Vates · 21/12/2021 16:21

This doesn't seem real, as in real human beings being involved. Either he knows you and doesn't care or you just aren't that close. Either way it isn't loving but not abusive either.

Starcaller · 21/12/2021 16:21

Ugh. It's just box-ticking, isn't it? No real thought or effort gone in, just a chore that needed to be ticked off. Sorry OP Sad

Silvershroud · 21/12/2021 16:22

Tbh, buying presents irritates me, when it is for grown-ups. Children, I get it, they get excited and they don't have their own money- but adults? Just a card is enough, unless you know someone is a bit hard up and could do with something they can't usually afford.

EveningOverRooftops · 21/12/2021 16:24

Gifts are an extension to many of how you feel about them. If you’re used to receiving thoughtful gifts irrespective of cost and then the gifts become thoughtless it’s a clear message that person isn’t putting as much effort into you anymore.

For me it would be noticeable that it was happening and I’d have to say something. It’s another form of rejection with an intimate partner and I have noticed it in the past and it does hurt.

Unless of course you’ve discussed ‘we can only get gifts for under £10 from this shop’ or you’ve been asked and they’ve gone there to get it cheaper.

I’d have to say something OP. Because it’s shows he isn’t paying attention to you, isn’t listening, doesn’t care enough to get you anything other than what he’s get his mother as a teenager.

SunshineCake1 · 21/12/2021 16:26

@tatfrombandm

I forgot to mention he's even got hot chocolate for me that's even cheaper than the stuff we usually get. Knowing him I can't say anything and just need to accept it or he'll call me ungreatful and be in a mood
No. Not knowing him. You are allowing this to happen and not pulling him up on it. Either tell him or stop moaning.
Justmuddlingalong · 21/12/2021 16:26

Any shite tat will be put straight in a bag this year in preparation for donation to the charity shop. No point in putting it away in a cupboard to then donate it a few months later. In fact, there's a box of thrush inducing bath bombs still floating about in here from last year. Bleurgh.

Yuledo · 21/12/2021 16:26

Either tell him or accept that you’ll get tat and do the same for him next year,.

Either accept or say something.

phishy · 21/12/2021 16:27

Oh God don't be such a mug OP Sad

Tell him you saw the tat he got you and will be replacing the presents you got him for tat.

He will listen to what you ACTIONS.

Chickychickydodah · 21/12/2021 16:27

Some of us “poorer” people like stuff from B& M 🤷‍♀️😡