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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've been invited for Xmas but I've just realised I'm being expected to bring Christmas

278 replies

Longcovid21 · 20/12/2021 13:38

A family member who I have a history with has invited me and the kids for Christmas. I get here after a 90 mile drive and the place is a shithole. The kitchen table is covered in crap and clutter. I've just had to throw out some rotting food in a pan. I've brought the kids presents with me and will have to organise all the Xmas day food too. No decorations are up. I'll have to do that too. The kids are oblivious to all the stress I'm under trying to facilitate that and my parents have booked an air b n b nearby for the day after boxing day so I can't just up and leave. I feel full of rage right now.

OP posts:
Bonheurdupasse · 20/12/2021 13:49

Go home.
You will be so so glad.

DeepaBeesKit · 20/12/2021 13:50

Is it that bad if your kids aren't noticing? Is it actually dirty? Or just a bit of mess on the table wanting tidying?

If the kids aren't fussed with lack of decorations skip those

FictionalCharacter · 20/12/2021 13:50

Go home, and when Christmas is over look into help for the relative.
The kids will get over it. Organise another fun thing for them to do.
You’re not a servant.

RoomOfRequirement · 20/12/2021 13:51

Staying is the exact definition of martyr. You don't need to. Go home and have the Christmas YOU want.

Yummychocs19 · 20/12/2021 13:51

Blame covid and go home…the kids will get over it!

HollowTalk · 20/12/2021 13:51

Tell the kids that you want to enjoy Christmas and not spend it cooking and cleaning. Get yourselves home, sort out your mum and dad (they have a choice in what they do, too) and for god's sake get your share of the property sorted out. It's devaluing by the minute as it is.

WingBingo · 20/12/2021 13:52

Go home!

Concestor · 20/12/2021 13:54

Just go home. Don't be a martyr. If you have to organise Christmas you may as well do it in your own clean house. The kids will get over it.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2021 13:54

Is it an ex? What do you mean a relative you’ve history with? Is it the kids father?

NoSquirrels · 20/12/2021 13:54

@DeepaBeesKit

Is it that bad if your kids aren't noticing? Is it actually dirty? Or just a bit of mess on the table wanting tidying?

If the kids aren't fussed with lack of decorations skip those

Also this - is it just a standards not matching issue (decorations not important to single person vs what you want Christmas to look like for kids’ sake) or is it genuinely health hazard (rotting food)?

A cluttered table and lack of high standards is something you probably need to overlook.

A lack of food and general prep cannot be overlooked - but your relative can get on with sorting it now, there’s all week to do so,

rifling · 20/12/2021 13:54

If you feel you have to stay, have a talk wity relative and give them a detailed list of what they need to do, cleaning and cooking etc.

IhateBoswell · 20/12/2021 13:55

@Bluntness100

Is it an ex? What do you mean a relative you’ve history with? Is it the kids father?
Why would her parents be going too 🤔
LostForIdeas · 20/12/2021 13:56

Well the person who invited you and is living in said house should get up their own are se and do some work.
Granted you might need to direct and tell them what to do but I would expect at the very least them doing some of the work.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/12/2021 13:57

Can't you have a conversation with the family member?

Or does it make you feel better to be a martyr?

mumda · 20/12/2021 13:57

It's only 90 miles home.

AnyFucker · 20/12/2021 13:59

2 choices:

  1. stay and martyr yourself… rinse and repeat

  2. leave

What’s it to be ?

Idontbelieveit14 · 20/12/2021 14:00

You need to tell them it’s not acceptable and they must muck in or else you will be going home.

MeridasMum · 20/12/2021 14:00

@AnyFucker

2 choices:

  1. stay and martyr yourself… rinse and repeat

  2. leave

What’s it to be ?

I predict no.1
Congratulationsandcelebrations · 20/12/2021 14:00

Is your relative ok? If I was invited and turned up to this I would be concerned about them.
My sister suffers with her mental health and if I go to her house and it looks how you've described, I know she is on a down period and help sort it.
Doesn't change how shit it is for you having to sort all of this but I would be worried as a first thought.
If this person is just unorganised chaos then I would have strong words and delegate tasks to them to get it all sorted.

I hope you manage a nice Christmas regardless.

LakieLady · 20/12/2021 14:02

Bloody hell, I'd go back home and have my own Christmas.

Cracking idea of your family member though. I may go through my address book and see if anyone I know might fancy it.

woohoo54 · 20/12/2021 14:03

What a p take. Leave or book lunch out. Unless you do something nothing will change

Stripyhoglets1 · 20/12/2021 14:03

If you aren't going to go home then don't be a martyr and spoil Christmas for yourself.
Just look at some posts on here saying they remember their mother being so stressed about cleaning at Christmas and it ruined it. Tell relative to help you clean and sort the place out for you. The kids can help put decorations up.
Send relative out to buy food but if you're there for over a week you'd expect to go food shopping as well to get stuff for before Xmas.

Iloveacurry · 20/12/2021 14:03

Don’t go!

notanothertakeaway · 20/12/2021 14:03

There's clearly a back story. Don't feel obliged to sort decorations, or cook a fancy Christmas dinner. Kids might enjoy the novelty of pizza

woohoo54 · 20/12/2021 14:04

Or confront them about what a state it is and get them to help clean with you!

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