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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've been invited for Xmas but I've just realised I'm being expected to bring Christmas

278 replies

Longcovid21 · 20/12/2021 13:38

A family member who I have a history with has invited me and the kids for Christmas. I get here after a 90 mile drive and the place is a shithole. The kitchen table is covered in crap and clutter. I've just had to throw out some rotting food in a pan. I've brought the kids presents with me and will have to organise all the Xmas day food too. No decorations are up. I'll have to do that too. The kids are oblivious to all the stress I'm under trying to facilitate that and my parents have booked an air b n b nearby for the day after boxing day so I can't just up and leave. I feel full of rage right now.

OP posts:
CheshireKitten123 · 20/12/2021 14:57

OP this is a ridiculous situation.

Round up the kids and go home before you all catch a D & V bug - if there is rotting food in a pan I hate to think what the lavvy is like - boke !

CharityDingle · 20/12/2021 14:58

I would suddenly feel unwell, and go home.

RuggerHug · 20/12/2021 14:58

Are they paying you rent? Tell them it needs to be in a suitable state to rent out and split between you(if they're the other part owner). They don't feel like cleaning now? Well you don't feel like getting weils disease for Christmas.

namechanged221 · 20/12/2021 14:59

Amazed at all
The
Go home! Posts.

Maybe the relative is in need of help? The kids love them?

Tbh I've hardly done anything for Xmas yet, it's still 5 days away after alll?

Ariela · 20/12/2021 14:59

Book a cleaner (on the proviso relative pays).

RuggerHug · 20/12/2021 14:59

I also assumed brother..

Bypassed21 · 20/12/2021 14:59

Has the relative actually asked you to dot he cleaning and prep for Xmas?? or have you jsut taken it upon yourself to do all that?

You've said yourself that the kids aren't at all bothered by the mess and lack of decorations. Could you just grin and bear the mess/disorganisation for the sake of Xmas?
As for sorting out the property ownership situation that is probably best left til after Christmas and you'd need to speak to a property lawyer I guess as to where you might stand.

DappyApple · 20/12/2021 15:00

Do you think your family member invited you knowing full well you’ll do all the donkey work?

If they are not willing to help clean up and get sorted for Christmas then I’d turn round, drive home and arrange to see your parents another time.

PizzaCrust · 20/12/2021 15:00

Honestly, just go home. You shouldn’t be spending your Christmas holiday cleaning someone else’s filth.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 20/12/2021 15:00

I’m interested in the legal side - jointly owned or more than two of you? If two are you joint tenants or tenants in common?

I’d be taking photos of the condition to be honest. If there was nothing in a Will giving them the right to live there for life then I’d be looking at selling.

DappyApple · 20/12/2021 15:00

@TinyTear

I am betting this is a golden brother... the cool uncle...
Yes this was also my thought as well!
CheshireKitten123 · 20/12/2021 15:01

@DappyApple

Do you think your family member invited you knowing full well you’ll do all the donkey work?

If they are not willing to help clean up and get sorted for Christmas then I’d turn round, drive home and arrange to see your parents another time.

That's what I thought....
SpanielsAreMyLife · 20/12/2021 15:01

So you've been invited knowing full well that you'll take on all the domestic duties?

Fuck that, it's a holiday. Not a cleaning fest.

Get kids rounded up, and drive home. No prizes for martyrdom.

FlipFlops4Me · 20/12/2021 15:02

Any chance your hopeless relative would shell out for an emergency clean from an agency?

RatherBeRiding · 20/12/2021 15:03

propertydisputes.co.uk/force-sale-jointly-owned-property/#:~:text=%20How%20To%20Force%20The%20Sale%20Of%20A,date%20will%20be%20set%20for%20a...%20More%20

You say you jointly own the property - might be time to take action and force the sale.

Akire · 20/12/2021 15:03

Call their bluff sit on your backside, let your parents come on Xmas day and looked baffled at lack of food or hospitality. It’s the only way to do it. If you do it once you be expected to do it again and again.

PizzaCrust · 20/12/2021 15:05

Also, it’s not as if the place is messy but relatively clean. That is fine. A quick blitz with a hoover and everyone chipping in would have it sorted by tonight.

It’s fucking dirty. You’ll be in the kitchen a full day at least. Never mind the toilets, bathroom, living room and the bedrooms. Everything will need bleached/disinfected to an inch of its life. And that’s not even taking into account looking after your kids while you’re there and sorting Christmas dinner etc.

Unless you want everyone getting a bug over Christmas I’d go home. Sort the house situation out in the new year.

Bunce1 · 20/12/2021 15:05

It’s reAlly really hard.

You’re in a lose lose situation. What’s the story here though? Is the golden boy brother?

MzHz · 20/12/2021 15:05

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Just GO HOME.

You don't have to be a martyr. It's entirely your choice if you stay.

Your kids will be happy at home too.

This.

Don’t be a bloody martyr- why even post here tbh, just put bags back in the car and trot off back home.

You don’t have to deal with the house now, so leave it to the new year

And for those saying “just order a shop” don’t be daft! Slots closed weeks ago, this is Christmas week.

Bunce1 · 20/12/2021 15:06

If you did go home do you have friends you can celebrate Christmas with?

Bunce1 · 20/12/2021 15:07

I would perhaps decamp to the parents air b n b. Make them uncomfortable.

Scandisaurus · 20/12/2021 15:07

Your family member probably looked around, saw the filth and mess, and thought
’Too much work. OP can sort it out herself, if she wants Christmas for her kids.. It is her house too after all!’

Go home.

Motnight · 20/12/2021 15:09

Waiting for the drip feed 😬

candycane222 · 20/12/2021 15:09

OK so sounds like it might be Uncle Deadbeat. But really, DON'T DO ANYTHING!!! (Apart from the bits that would count as parenting not hosting)

If its too dangerous/insantiary/revolting to stay, then leave, and say why.

If it's not unsafe, then just go with the flow. Read a book, go for a walk, stick on the telly, enjoy the free childcare.

Where are these expectations that "you will have to do everything" - and indeed, what "everything for Chirstmas " has to be - coming from? It is important you ask yourself this honestly.

If your parents say (or heavily hint) you should do it for Aunty Slack/Uncle Deadbeat - Fuck That with a Capital F.

No more.

You are not, as they say, your [relative]'s keeper

ShinyHappyPoster · 20/12/2021 15:10

Honestly, your kids love it there. They love the relative. Your DPs are booked into an airbnb. Either turn the cleaning into a game, put on Christmas music and get the relative and the DCs involved. Or turn on Christmas music and movies, open a bottle of wine, and drink it until you can ignore the stuff that's annoying you.

As for a maintenance schedule, wait until the New Year, when you're not in the house, to look into it. Obviously it depends on the legalities of the tenant and the ownership divide; and there is usually a clause about general wear and tear which allows for quite a lot of wear and tear. But if you're both equal owners yet only one of you is living in it, you should already have a legal agreement in place to protect yourselves and the asset.