I've been invited for Xmas but I've just realised I'm being expected to bring Christmas

[Longcovid21]

A family member who I have a history with has invited me and the kids for Christmas. I get here after a 90 mile drive and the place is a shithole. The kitchen table is covered in crap and clutter. I've just had to throw out some rotting food in a pan. I've brought the kids presents with me and will have to organise all the Xmas day food too. No decorations are up. I'll have to do that too. The kids are oblivious to all the stress I'm under trying to facilitate that and my parents have booked an air b n b nearby for the day after boxing day so I can't just up and leave. I feel full of rage right now.

Get your family member to help. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Would be done within a day working as a team. Don't let them sit there and do nothing.

Is it just me who has visions of a large mansion with loads of rooms where OPs children can run around in, and that is why they love it there, with an eccentric uncle

OP - Being nosy, is it a large house?

I wondered farm

@Squeezita - where on earth did I accuse her of not being invited?

I can read perfectly fine but can you?

It's rude to act like this when INVITED to someone's house... it would be an actual crime to act like this were not invited lol.

as for people saying the home is disgusting... have you been there or are you just taking OPs word?

How do you know OPs standards aren't stupidly high? I know people who will freak out if a plate isn't washed immediately and say it's filthy and rotting but they are the ones with an actual issue, not someone who waits to wash up.

OP is the ONLY person according to herself with an issue with this house, no one else finds it disgusting or are washing/tidying... if you read between the lines thing are often far clearer.

Why are some assuming he should have done a Christmas shop by now?. I was in Sainsbury's just today and the USE BY date on the Yule logs, cocktail sausages and toad in the holes was 24 Dec.🤦‍♀️

If it's a large house in the country with one room containing a huge wardrobe full of fur coats, just watch out for your children disappearing for a time ...

Jesus Christ you're following the worst advice on the thread because it validates your martyrdom. Same thing will keep happening, your brother obviously knows you'll overcompensate for him being a lazy slovenly bastard.

Your kids may not mind, but they dont fully understand. Use this as an opportunity to teach them about your standards and self esteem. Go back home and deal witht he family situation another time.

In your shoes I'd stay for sake of kids if they're happy but do something minimal to feed people and no more, and be clear with relative that's what you're doing to keep people happy this time, but you won't be accepting an invitation next time.

Buy a bunch of food from Iceland and bung it in oven, don't tidy too much (make relative do it in return for you bunging stuff from Iceland in oven), don't do decorations

@PizzaCrust - she has too option to stay (in the house no one else finds disgusting which is very telling) or leave.

There is no 3rd option where you get to throw away the homeowner's things because you deem it 'clutter' and redecorate their home to your taste... on what planet are some of you living that you think you can act like that when invited to someone's house.

The house CLEARLY isn't ungodly and dangerously filthy or else everyone else wouldn't be fine with it.

OP doesn't need to be cooking dinner... shes a GUEST not a HOST but I guess since she's the girl you assume it should be her job?

I think PP said it best, it's nearly a week to Xmas and their brother likely hasn't even finished work yet but has to put up with this judgemental crap and faux martyr panic about something days away.

OP can host at her own home in future and act however she likes.

Let your children learn the lesson of boundaries and self esteem op.

Or, put down the mop and order the dominoes

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Why are some assuming he should have done a Christmas shop by now?. I was in Sainsbury's just today and the USE BY date on the Yule logs, cocktail sausages and toad in the holes was 24 Dec.🤦‍♀️

This I went shopping yesterday and the dates on all bar the frozen stuff and cheeses was 20th-23rd... it would go off before Xmas.

*Is it just me who has visions of a large mansion with loads of rooms where OPs children can run around in, and that is why they love it there, with an eccentric uncle

OP - Being nosy, is it a large house?*

Haha yes kind of. It's a 5 bed farmhouse in the middle of nowhere with a big garden and chickens!

Mortgage free?

You sound as if you’d like to stay.
Do what you need to cleaning wise so that you can relax while you’re there. Get a few cheap decorations to brighten the place up. Unless there’s a stand and all the decorations don’t bother with a tree.
As for Christmas dinner - it’s got to be low stress. A small turkey crown. Ready done roasties, parsnips, carrots, gravy, stuffing etc. Shop bought Christmas pudding and brandy butter. A Yule log and cream. It’ll be easy, stress free and therefore more enjoyable.
After Christmas it sounds as if you need a have a good chat with your brother about keeping the house at a reasonable standard. If he’s not feeling up to it does he have the money to outsource?
Hope it all works out op xx

Well done you for rising above it.

You're bloody marvellous.

You, my friend, are Santa.

We don't know what's really going on and I don't think we ever will now. OP has probably left the thread. She says she has history with her brother, and I can well believe it. There has to be a reason why the house is in both their names but he lives in it. Farm is one possible explanation, as somebody said above. Golden child is another.

Odd to go for Christmas and arrive five days before. If they were invited, which is what OP says in the thread title, surely the brother should have done a bit of cleaning and tidying before they were due to arrive, and got some food in? Not the makings of the Christmas meal, as it's too early for that, but food for the next few days. Decorations are another matter. We have very few so wouldn't miss those much.

Some have said he might still be working. Fine, but why in that case did he invite OP and her children to come today?

Is your brother in good health?

I had a friend who let her house go like this and also stopped washing, having her hair cut etc. Just completely let everything go. It turned out she had a brain tumour.

Oh come off it OP you knew it would be like this. Happy Christmas

Embarrassing cross post! So it is a farm. As a lifelong Archers listener, I feel I know all about farms. The work never stops and they're always messy, aren't they?

@PuppyMonkey

1. Retrieve children.

1. Get back in car.
2. Drive home.

This would be my to do list. You've clearly been invited for the purposes of sorting their house out and organising their Xmas. This is an insincere in invitation with an underhand motive

@PuppyMonkey

1. Retrieve children.

1. Get back in car.
2. Drive home.

This

I was going to say does your brother have a serious mental illness? Must be some reason why he's done this (please don't say he just doesn't see it that itself would be a mental illness). I wouldn't enable this but if you can salvage something from it then good on you and soo as everything opens on 4th January tell him you're getting legal advice.

Can you persuade them to pay for a cleaner? Or go halves with it in order to help maintain things?

@Longcovid21

So I've told them it is a state. They agree but said they don't feel like doing anything right niw

I'd just say well neither do I so we will be leaving now... can't believe you would invite anyone into your home like this