Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Special unexpected visitors … sorry very predictable

351 replies

Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:17

I have invited 7 of partners family to our house for Christmas for the entire period 24th-28th.
PIL have decided they want to come a night early so they don’t have to drive in the evening 24th night.
AIBU to just expect people to come when they are invited?
I will be hosting 12 people on the busiest days and I just can’t be bothered with more food prep/laundry/hosting.
Partner thinks I’m being unreasonable by questioning the decision.
4 nights to me already seems such a long time!

OP posts:
Baystard · 20/12/2021 10:26

Sorry OP I think you're either crackers for inviting 7 in-laws for that long anyway, or you're a saint of some sort. Xmas Grin

I think perhaps the PIL imagine that if you're hosting 7 guests for 4 nights, then 2 people for an extra night doesn't seem like much more.

I'd go for honesty. "I'm already a bit daunted by how much I have to do and at this stage I don't think I could be organised in time for you to arrive earlier"

overthethamesfromyou · 20/12/2021 10:31

Ask them to drive 24th and arrive at 4pm?
Or they could drive earlier and take themselves out locally for lunch or tea?

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/12/2021 10:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ChargingBuck · 20/12/2021 10:32

I will be hosting 12 people on the busiest days and I just can’t be bothered with more food prep/laundry/hosting.
Partner thinks I’m being unreasonable by questioning the decision.

& exactly how much of the food prep/laundry/hosting is Partner going to be doing? As it's his side of the family, why has this all fallen on you?

PiL are outrageously rude! As well as thoughtless. They don't get to "decide" they are having an extra night at your house. And your Partner doesn't get to impose that decision - OR the extra bloody chores it entails - onto you.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/12/2021 10:33

Hmm - that is difficult. I would probably tell them that I would love to see them but unfortunately we can't have them to stay because (insert reason here....). And then suggest a hotel nearby where they can stay. Or even suggest that they break their journey by staying in a hotel half way so that they don't have to travel in the evening. I'm not sure how far away your PIL live? Could they travel early and get to you earlier in the day? If so... Get your DP to take them out to some 'special' Christmas attraction so they aren't under your feet. Or ask him to take them out shopping with him to get those last minute items you have forgotten (hide the 'forgotten' items at the back of your cupboards before sending them shopping!) 4 nights is a VERY long time! However I think it is quite likely that we will end up having some Christmas Covid restrictions so you may end up with no visitors at all.

Interrobanger · 20/12/2021 10:33

Your partner can sort it out then.

cansu · 20/12/2021 10:34

I had this once. It was really annoying. It is incredibly rude to impose yourself on someone without an invitation.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/12/2021 10:35

However I am probably being a bit of a grinch because my Christmas has been cancelled due to covid. Bah humbug.

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:48

@DilemmaDelilah

However I am probably being a bit of a grinch because my Christmas has been cancelled due to covid. Bah humbug.
I want it to be cancelled with covid now hahaha
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:48

@Interrobanger

Your partner can sort it out then.
I will aim for this I think and just lock myself in the bathroom
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:50

@Ionlydomassiveones

“I will be hosting 12 people on the busiest days and I just can’t be bothered with more food prep/laundry/hosting. Partner thinks I’m being unreasonable by questioning the decision.”

How much of that list will he be doing? Why is it all down to you and if it’s that exhausting why have you invited them?

I’ve invited them because my partner has been really flat at Christmas when we’ve had a quiet one. He loves big family gatherings. Just don’t understand what I consider to be very generous offer needs to be extended.
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:50

@cansu

I had this once. It was really annoying. It is incredibly rude to impose yourself on someone without an invitation.
Thank you. I’m glad I’m not being unreasonable!
OP posts:
BlingLoving · 20/12/2021 10:50

Surely this one is relatively easy in that you tell them that if they come a day early you're going to be massively busy getting things ready so can't entertain them and in fact, would love some help. Then you also tell your DH that he needs to a) take responsibility for his parents and b) not drop any of his other tasks to do so.

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:51

@DilemmaDelilah

Hmm - that is difficult. I would probably tell them that I would love to see them but unfortunately we can't have them to stay because (insert reason here....). And then suggest a hotel nearby where they can stay. Or even suggest that they break their journey by staying in a hotel half way so that they don't have to travel in the evening. I'm not sure how far away your PIL live? Could they travel early and get to you earlier in the day? If so... Get your DP to take them out to some 'special' Christmas attraction so they aren't under your feet. Or ask him to take them out shopping with him to get those last minute items you have forgotten (hide the 'forgotten' items at the back of your cupboards before sending them shopping!) 4 nights is a VERY long time! However I think it is quite likely that we will end up having some Christmas Covid restrictions so you may end up with no visitors at all.
They live 3 hours away and have to work on 24th apparently so want to avoid Xmas eve traffic. Feel like a hotel 😂
OP posts:
AnkleDeep · 20/12/2021 10:51

Just say it isn't convenient.

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:53

@Baystard

Sorry OP I think you're either crackers for inviting 7 in-laws for that long anyway, or you're a saint of some sort. Xmas Grin

I think perhaps the PIL imagine that if you're hosting 7 guests for 4 nights, then 2 people for an extra night doesn't seem like much more.

I'd go for honesty. "I'm already a bit daunted by how much I have to do and at this stage I don't think I could be organised in time for you to arrive earlier"

I’m just so stressed about it but nevermind. Never again. Partner thinks family should be able to come and go as they please. I feel differently.
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:54

@overthethamesfromyou

Ask them to drive 24th and arrive at 4pm? Or they could drive earlier and take themselves out locally for lunch or tea?
They’re wanting to avoid Xmas traffic but working from home 24th
OP posts:
Hemingwayscatz · 20/12/2021 10:54

I also think you’re bonkers to even invite them!

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:55

@Baystard

Sorry OP I think you're either crackers for inviting 7 in-laws for that long anyway, or you're a saint of some sort. Xmas Grin

I think perhaps the PIL imagine that if you're hosting 7 guests for 4 nights, then 2 people for an extra night doesn't seem like much more.

I'd go for honesty. "I'm already a bit daunted by how much I have to do and at this stage I don't think I could be organised in time for you to arrive earlier"

I’m definitely not a saint. Potentially insane. Will be insane by the end of it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:56

@Hemingwayscatz

I also think you’re bonkers to even invite them!
I thought it would be better than carting children up and down the country to visit everyone. I am A proper grinch as well. Fucking hate this time of year.
OP posts:
Justwhy123 · 20/12/2021 10:56

Why can’t they drive down late afternoon instead? Very rude to assume they can rock up whenever they feel like it!

rookiemere · 20/12/2021 10:57

We have relatives that have just asked this to avoid traveling on Christmas Eve. Fortunately we're looking forward to seeing them so the extra night is a bonus. I've decided that the meal for that evening will either be very low key or takeaway though, to minimise extra work. So I suppose it depends on how much you enjoy the company of your visitors, and the length of their overall visit ( ours will be leaving sharpish on Boxing Day).

Xyzzzzz · 20/12/2021 10:58

No to all of this. 7 people for an extended period of time? One night is bad enough, but I don’t like overnight guests. Let alone people who invite themselves to stay extra. I had this once they invited them to stay the night. Dh ended up booking them a hotel for that night to get them out of my hair.

However, when we have overnight guests - DH does the majority prep - cooking, cleaning etc as it’s his family. What will your DP be doing?

Mamamia7962 · 20/12/2021 10:58

You're not responsible for your partner's happiness, and whilst I think it is a lovely gesture from you, it should be a joint thing and the workload shared between you, otherwise you will be exhausted by the end of the 4 days.

Original poster
Magnoliasstreet · 20/12/2021 10:59

@AnkleDeep

Just say it isn't convenient.
Partner has said yes already. Phrased to me ‘they’re coming 23rd night’ Being guilt tripped into it. Every time they’re invited they tack a day and night on. Infuriating! I won’t make this mistake again
OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread